BDSM BOREDOM

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When you first enter the BDSM lifestyle, you are like a kid in a candy store. There are so many BDSM activities to explore; how can anyone get bored around here? But, sooner or later, monotony will creep into almost all relationships — from the most vanilla of vanilla to the most TPE of TPE. What is a couple to do? As much as I hate to admit it, it seems that the vanilla people were right – you must actually make an effort to keep your relationship exciting. Autopilot simply doesn’t work forever, BDSM or no BDSM.

Actually, keeping your relationship “spanking new” (pun intended) is quite a bit easier than you might think. And the “work” required is not exactly like toiling in the Siberian salt mines. In the BDSM lifestyle, the “work” can actually be fun!  

The first thing I recommend is that you divide your toys into three piles — those you use a lot, those you use occasionally and those that you never use. Reverse the order and play with those you never employ, followed by the occasional toys. If you didn’t intend to utilize them, why would you have these toys in there in the first place? So, by playing with the overlooked toys, you are adding variety to your scenes. All without added cost or a lot of effort.

Of course, new toys are always a great way to expand your play. Besides using the fallow ones, new implements can also add extra zip to your play. An exotic flogger, an unusually designed cane or a unique paddle might fill the bill. You will be surprised what a fresh toy can do when you are looking to add pizzazz to your BDSM scenes. What about the violet wand? Or, the less expensive TENS unit might fill the electricity play slot. Even after many years, there are surely tools you have not experienced yet. Although this suggestion was aimed at the Dom/mes, the submissive might suggest a new device to acquire. I might add that in the Internet age, buying new toys couldn’t be easier. In fact there is a BUYING GUIDE toy link –  HYPERLINK “http://www.kinkweekly.com/bdsm-buying-guide/” http://www.kinkweekly.com/bdsm-buying-guide/ — right here on the kinkweekly.com homepage. (Plug, plug!)  

Sometimes you can get lazy as time goes by. If you are the Dom/me, take a stab at pushing your sub’s soft limits from time to time. This is a great way to add excitement and adventure to your relationship. After all, you have a sub. Take advantage of the privileges. Your sub will like it too!

Make a mental checklist to see if you are playing less often as time goes by; there is a good chance the frequency of your play has gone down. This is only natural; it happens to the best of us. If this is the case, try to increase your BDSM play schedule to approach the frequency you played with when your relationship began. This might take some effort, but it will be well worth it.

Finally, you must make a resolution to try some new BDSM scenes. Surely, there are some that have eluded you. Both of you should make a list of five exciting BDSM scenes you have not done. Discuss them and decide which of those turns you on the most and attempt them. With just a little effort, you should be able to keep your relationship fresh and exciting! 

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Comments

  1. blondebombshell says:

    Excellent article, Baadmaster! Very practical! it gave me a lot to think about and implement in the future.

  2. Great article! My sub recently started feeling like I am not inflicting enough impact/pain on her. We have been playing for years together and I go rather hard threshold-wise on her. Even though she says go harder, I am afraid that going harder could actually severely hurt her and could cause damage.

    I think she has just gotten so used to our impact play that now she is bored and wants more, even if there are long term negative effects. Any advice on how to deal with this?

  3. sweetdreams says:

    I would NEVER do anything that could potentially seriously hurt someone.

    If your sub can’t understand this, then I would find someone new to play with. Go with your gut and don’t give in to someone wanting you to do something unsafe.

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