BDSM – Where do I begin? Part 1

woman curious about BDSM

The most frequent question I am asked is “where do I begin?” Rather than just copy the “Fifty Shades of Grey” template – after all, few of you have a helicopter – let’s give you real BDSM. Minus the helicopter!

So, where exactly do you start? You start online. Everyone is a beginner once, and almost all people get into D/s and BDSM via the Internet. Even the invitations to the BDSM clubs and parties are given out over the Internet. And where on the Internet should you begin? Well that answer, too, is a simple one – right here! You are in the right place at the right time!

Some of you are members of fetlife.com. Others among you have been to other BDSM-D/s sites. Some of you want to immerse yourself in BDSM and D/s and get serious about it as a total lifestyle – while others among you may want merely to be a part time player. Many of you may have seen bondage pictures and videos here and elsewhere and say, “How do I get my girlfriend or boyfriend to do that?” It is a process; we will outline it here within the next issues of Kink Weekly.

Every city (or almost every one) has a BDSM club. These are great places to observe other lifestylers in action. Most are very welcoming and have orientation tours. We will list those clubs here in future issues, but for now you can find these clubs on the Internet – often they have twitter handles. But before you set foot in any club, I would recommend you know the terms. Language is everything.

So, let’s define the terms of this lifestyle.

Aftercare – After a BDSM scene, particularly a demanding one, the Top should make sure the bottom is OK and is returned to normal from his/her high endorphin level (often called “subspace”) that BDSM scenes often cause.

BDSM – A popular acronym for activities inclusive of (but not limited to) Bondage, Domination/Discipline Submission/Sadism & Masochism. Also called WIITWD, an acronym for “What It Is That We Do.” Both mean this type of alternative lifestyle. Sometimes the word “Bondage” has the same broad range meaning when used in a descriptive context.

B&D – Bondage and Discipline. Although they go together in this phrase, they are not inextricably linked. Bondage means restraining someone in a helpless position
(such as being tied up.) Discipline is training a person to behave in a certain way. They tend to go together because Dominants tend to do both to their submissives.

Bondage – making a submissive physically helpless and to a great extent immobilized. Techniques include rope ties, handcuffs, leather cuffs, stocks and mummification.

Bondage Clubs – Private clubs where lifestylers meet and play. Usually filled with equipment such as the St. Andrews Cross and spanking benches, these are great places to not only play, but learn by observing others do their scenes.

Bottom – A submissive. Also can be called a slave. As there are many who say there are differences between these terms, I will cover that debate in future columns.

Cane – A wooden, plastic or graphite stalk used in BDSM play. It can hurt, so use carefully.

Consensuality Agreement – The somewhat infrequent agreement that a Top requires a bottom to sign before play. This is usually executed in private play where the bottom is a newbie and an experienced Top does not wish to risk the bottom claiming, at some later date, that the scene was non-consensual. Although not legally binding, it does prevent misunderstandings and provides limited legal protection. We will offer some “Consensuality Agreements” in future articles here in Kink Weekly.

D/s – Dominance and submission. A more specific term than BDSM (although D/s is contained within BDSM).

Discipline – Punishing, spanking, verbal orders, etc. for the purpose of training a submissive.

Dominant – (Female: Domme.) Also called a Dom, a Top, a Master or a Mistress. One who controls a bottom, slave or submissive. Again, the differences between these terms – if there are any – will be covered in future Kink Weekly editions.

Dominatrix – A Domme; although it implies being a professional.

Domme – A female Dominant. Also called a Dominatrix.

Edgeplay – Technically, this refers to knife play. But it has come to mean anything “on the edge.” It can even include fisting, asphyxia, play piercings, needle play, caning, etc. Since one person’s edge can be another’s norm, there are no hard and fast rules defining what “edgeplay” is.

Flogger – One of the most popular BDSM toys. It is made up of a handle and several leather straps which are attached to it. It can be used to whip or to caress.

Furniture – Slang for large pieces of equipment, usually at BDSM clubs. This includes, but not limited to, the legendary St. Andrews Cross, spanking benches, cages and a myriad of bondage equipment.

High Protocol – A D/s relationship wherein the rules are both demanding and encompassing. If it is practiced most of the time outside of play or clubs, it is often referred to as “24/7” – although with jobs, family and other real life considerations, it is doubtful anything can literally be 24/7!

Lifestylers – Slang for those in the BDSM lifestyle – whether weekend warriors or 24/7 players.

Limit – The point beyond which a submissive does not allow the Dominant to go; usually stated before play. It can be a “soft limit,” which can change over time. Or a “hard limit,” which is more or less written in stone. For example, a submissive might say, “Nipple clamps are my soft limit.” Or, “Knife play is my hard limit.”

Negotiation – Discussing hard and soft limits and related items of BDSM taste before any play or relationship begins. Often refers to discussions regarding a potential “slave contract.”

Newbie – someone new to the BDSM lifestyle.

Masochist – One who derives pleasure from pain.

Master/Mistress – A skilled Top. This is best explained in “What Is A Master?” which will appear in an upcoming edition of Kink Weekly.

Mummification – Using saran wrap to immobilize the bottom. Often performed in public play as it can be visually stunning.

S&M – Sadism and masochism. This is an alternative term that used to describe the BDSM scene. Gradually it is being replaced with the broader ranging acronym BDSM.

Sadist – An individual who enjoys causing pain. The term dates back to the Marquis de Sade.

Sadomasochism – The taking of pleasure, often sexual gratification, from the consensual interactions between a “sadist” and a “masochist.”

Safe, Sane and Consensual – A popular slogan in the BDSM world meaning that play should always be safe and sane, with good judgment exercised. And, most importantly, it MUST be consensual.

Safe word – A word or phrase a submissive can use to stop his or her scene. It is absolute. If a Dominant disregards a submissive’s safe word, that Dominant is considered “unsafe.” The most common safe word – even in Fifty Shades — is “RED!”
Sometimes the word “YELLOW” is agreed to which means “slow done a bit.”

Scene – A BDSM session. Sometimes refers to a “public scene” at a party where the participants let others watch.

Slave – A term used interchangeably with “submissive.” Some consider a slave a more extreme version of a submissive. This will be discussed in a future article, “Slave vs. submissive.” Check back soon.

Slave contract – A signed consensual contract, wherein a submissive or slave cedes to the Dom or Master a specified set of powers over her for a set period of time. Although legally unenforceable, it is still a powerful document in the BDSM community.

Submissive – An individual who consents to give up power to a Dominant. This can be for any duration – for an hour or a lifetime. Also called a sub, bottom or slave. Again, differences between these terms will be covered right here in future articles.

Subspace – A high endorphin state that a bottom often enters into when a skilled Dominant executes a good BDSM scene.

Torture – Not literal torture, but any type of pain inflicted by the Top on a bottom. Examples: tickle torture, clothespin play, nipple clamps, et. al.

Toys – Slang for portable BDSM equipment – usually contained in a “toy bag.”

Vanilla – People not in the BDSM lifestyle.

Violet Wand – Pricey electrical kink stimulation BDSM toys using the application of low current, high voltage electricity to the body. Like mummification, it is visually exciting and often used in public play.

Now that we have most of the definitions down (and contact me if there are any I have overlooked), let’s go on to the next steps – which are contained in “Where Do I Begin, Part 2” – right here on Kink Weekly next week!

by BAADMASTER
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit Internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are please to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

BDSM guide: Where do I Begin – Kink Weekly

Comments

  1. cant go wrong after reading this

  2. Keith M. Anderson says:

    24/7: A relationship in which protocols are in place continuously.
    Animal transformation fantasy: Fantasy in which the focus is on the sub entering the altered mindspace of a different species, often a dog, cat, or horse.
    Abrasion: Using something rough (such as sandpaper).
    Aftercare: The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, discuss the previous events and their personal reactions to them, and slowly come back in touch with reality. BDSM often involves an endorphin high and very intense experience, and failure to engage in proper aftercare can lead to subdrop as these return to more everyday levels. In some BDSM relationships, such as D/s, aftercare may involve the Dominant caring for the submissive if physical pain was inflicted, such as applying baby oil to areas that were struck during play.
    Ageplay: Usually referring to daddy/daughter or mommy/baby role play. Does not usually include or imply aspects of incest, but rather the nurturing relationship of parent/child or teacher/student.
    Anal torture: The BDSM practice of inflicting pain on the anus.
    Animal Play: The sub acts or dresses like an animal (puppy, cat, pony, cow, etc.).
    Auctioned off: Dominant auctions off the slave to the highest bidder (usually supervised and for temporary use).
    Bad pain: Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM practitioners, signifying that while BDSM may include an element (often quite pronounced) consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some pain is consented to and accepted while other pain is not. “Bad pain” is pain which is outside hard limits, non-mutual or non-valued, not wished for, and of limited or no value in this context.
    Good pain and bad pain refer to pleasant vs. unpleasant pain. As a “vanilla” example, imagine soreness after a good workout at the gym versus the pain of breaking a leg. Author Jay Wiseman suggests a correlation between perception of “bad pain” during BDSM play and subsequent injury.
    BDSM: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism: a combined acronym often used as a catchall for anything in the kink scene. Also called WIITWD, an acronym for “What It Is That We Do.” Both mean this type of alternative lifestyle. Sometimes the word “Bondage” has the same broad range meaning when used in a descriptive context.
    B&D: Bondage and Discipline. Although they go together in this phrase, they are not inextricably linked. Bondage means restraining someone in a helpless position
    (such as being tied up.) Discipline is training a person to behave in a certain way. They tend to go together because Dominants tend to do both to their submissives.
    Black sheet party: An orgy for people into BDSM sex.
    Bondage: Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage typically refers to total restraint, however it can be limited to a particular body part, such as breast bondage.
    Bondage Clubs: Private clubs where lifestylers meet and play. Usually filled with equipment such as the St. Andrews Cross and spanking benches, these are great places to not only play, but learn by observing others do their scenes.
    Bottom: one who receives physical sensation from a top in a scene; the one-done-to rather than the do-er.
    Breast bondage: The act of tying breasts so that they are either flattened against the chest or so that they bulge.
    Breath Control: The dominant controls the submissive’s breathing.
    Butt plug: Much like a dildo, but pear-shaped with a flared base. The flared base prevents the plug from being lost in the anal cavity; the pear shape helps hold the plug in place. They come in a variety of sizes; some can vibrate.
    Cane: A wooden, plastic or graphite stalk used in BDSM play. It can hurt, so use carefully.
    Chastity: A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a person is prevented from access to, or stimulation of, their genitals, save at the whim or choice of their partner, usually by means of a device (called a chastity belt or sometimes for men a cock cage) that prevents contact and is controlled by means of a lock by the partner.
    Cock and ball torture (CBT): Torture of the male genitals for sexual gratification.
    Collared: Submissive or slave who is owned, usually (but certainly not exclusively) in a loving intimate relationship. A dominant may have multiple persons collared. Also: a pup’s status, as differentiated from a “stray”.
    Collaring: The formal acceptance by a dominant, of a sub’s service, or the “ownership” of a pup by a Master or Trainer. Also the ceremony when a dominant commits to a sub (much like a wedding or other contract).
    Consent: Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing BDSM relationship.
    Consensual non-consensuality: A mutual agreement that within defined limits, consent will be given as read without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. As such, it is a show of trust and understanding and usually undertaken only by partners who know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear safe limits on their activities.
    Consensuality Agreement: The somewhat infrequent agreement that a Top requires a bottom to sign before play. This is usually executed in private play where the bottom is a newbie and an experienced Top doesn’t wish to risk the bottom claiming, at some later date, that the scene was non-consensual. Although not legally binding, it does prevent misunderstandings and provides limited legal protection.
    Contract: A written-out agreement between the dominant & submissive. It can be either formal or non, and is usually written after much negotiation by the dominant and the sub, outlining what structure, guidelines, rules and boundaries to the relationship are agreed upon by the two. It is not legally binding.
    Discipline: Punishing, spanking, verbal orders, etc. for the purpose of training a submissive.
    DM: Dungeon Monitor, a person who supervises the interactions between participants at a play party or dungeons to enforce house rules – essentially, the bouncer of a BDSM event. They sometimes also play cruise director to keep/get the party going.
    Dom: A person who exercises control (from dominant-contrast with sub).
    Dominant: A person who exercises control – contrast with submissive.
    Dominatrix: A Domme; although it implies being a professional.
    Domme: Woman who exercises control (see also Dominatrix). Often associated with a particular brand of traditional femininity; many younger female dominants prefer to use the nongendered terms dom/dominant.
    D/s: Dominance/submission: play or relationships that involve an erotic power exchange.
    Dungeon: Usually referring to a room or area with BDSM equipment and play space.
    Edgeplay: SM play that involves a chance of harm, either physically or emotionally. Technically, this refers to knife play. But it has come to mean anything “on the edge.” It can even include fisting, asphyxia, play piercings, needle play, caning, etc. Since one person’s edge can be another’s norm, there are no hard and fast rules defining what “edgeplay” is. Because the definition of edgeplay is subjective to the specific players (i.e., what is risky for me may not be as risky for you), there isn’t a universal list of what is included in edgeplay. However, there are a few forms of play which almost always make the cut, including fireplay, gunplay, rough body play, breath play, and blood play.
    Electro-Play: The practice of using electrical stimulation to the nerves of the body using a power source (such as a TENS, EMS, Violet wand, or made-for-play units) for purposes of sexual stimulation, body modification, tickling, or torture.
    Endorphin rush: Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the “high” people often get from activities such as sex, or high-risk sports, and is the body’s response to heightened or intense experiences of certain kinds. BDSM activities, especially those incorporating a degree of sensation play often cultivate the endorphin rush as part of their “payoff” to the sub. But also see aftercare for the care needed to ensure that subdrop does not occur afterwards as the body returns to normal.
    Erotic sexual denial: keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. (see also tease and denial and chastity).
    Erotic spanking: The act of spanking another person for the sexual arousal or gratification of either or both parties.
    Fetish: A specific obsession or delight in one object or experience.
    Figging: The practice of inserting a piece of ginger root into the anus or vagina.
    Fire play: Using fire as an implement of BDSM. This can mean blowing the heat of a light torch onto a bottom, lighting pools of fuel on the bottom’s skin, lighting flash cotton on the bottom, and other creative uses of heat. Cupping is usually considered an offshoot of fireplay, although in sensation it’s closer to the use of clips and clamps. Usually considered edgeplay.
    Fisting: inserting a hand into the vagina or rectum.
    Flogger: One of the most popular BDSM toys. It is made up of a handle and several leather straps which are attached to it. It can be used to whip or to caress.
    Furniture: Slang for large pieces of equipment, usually at BDSM clubs. This includes, but not limited to, the legendary St. Andrews Cross, spanking benches, cages and a myriad of bondage equipment.
    Genitorture: Torture of the genitals.
    Good pain (1): Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM practitioners, signifying that while BDSM may include an element (often quite pronounced) of consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some pain is consented to and accepted while other pain is not. “Good pain” is therefore pain that is mutually agreed, desired or permitted by the submissive partner to be experienced, and seen by them as of enjoyment or value.
    Good pain (2): Good pain and bad pain refer to perception of pain as pleasant vs. unpleasant. Sensations that non-practitioners imagine to be painful are instead perceived and described by BDSM practitioners as pleasurable or a good form of pain, in much the way that muscles after a workout at the gym may be sore, but in a good way. The transition of perception from “bad pain” to “good pain” may require a warm up beforehand.
    Golden showers: Urinating on, or being urinated on by, another person.
    Gorean: A subgenre based upon the rituals and practices created within the world of Gor in the erotic novels by John Norman. Gorean culture is based on stereotypical gender-based roles which is considered by many to be in conflict with BDSM, where there is freedom for either gender to act in any fantasy role (Male/Female as either Dom/sub or Top/bottom).
    Gunplay: The practice of including actual (or simulated) firearms into a scene.
    Handkerchief codes: Visible signs to indicate to others your area of BDSM interest; a color worn on the left indicates a top, on the right indicates a bottom.
    Hard limits: What someone absolutely will not do; non-negotiable. (As opposed to “soft limits.”).
    Harem: A group of subs serving one or more dominants.
    High Protocol: A D/s relationship wherein the rules are both demanding and encompassing. If it is practiced most of the time outside of play or clubs, it is often referred to as “24/7” – although with jobs, family and other real life considerations, it is doubtful anything can literally be 24/7.
    Hogtie: To tie up a submissive’s wrists and ankles, fastening them together behind their back using physical restraints such as rope or cuffs.
    Impact play: Part of sensation play, dealing with impact such as whips, riding crops, paddles, floggers, etc.
    Infantilism: Parent/child or parent/baby role playing.
    K-9 roleplay: Also called pup-play, when a sub enjoys simulating the habits and characteristics of a dog.
    Kinbaku: Also known as Shibari which literally means ‘the beauty of tight binding’. Kinbaku is a Japanese style of bondage or BDSM which involves tying up the bottom using simple yet visually intricate patterns, usually with several pieces of thin rope.
    Knife play: Slow, methodical sensation of the bottom with the edges and points of knives, usually without cutting the skin. Fear of the weapon plays a large part in the stimulus of the bottom.
    Lifestylers: Slang for those in the BDSM or swapping lifestyle, whether weekend warriors or 24/7 players.
    Limits: What someone “won’t” do or is hesitant to do. The point beyond which a submissive does not allow the Dominant to go; usually stated before play. It can be a “soft limit,” which can change over time. Or a “hard limit,” which is more or less written in stone. For example, a submissive might say, “Nipple clamps are my soft limit.” Or, “Knife play is my hard limit.”
    Maintenance: Weekly spankings to cover the little things that might have been missed, remind the submissive to behave and allow the Dominant to release stress.
    Masochism: Act of receiving pain for sensual/sexual pleasure.
    Masochist: Person who enjoys pain, usually sexually.
    Master/Mistress: A skilled Top.
    Master/slave: A consensual relationship in which one person receives control (the Master) when given it by another (the slave) for mutual benefit. An extreme form of D/s which usually involves a 24/7 relationship rather than a short period of time (scene or perhaps a week end.) The slave will usually accept a collar from their Master to show that they are owned.
    Mummification: Immobilizing the body by wrapping it up, usually with multiple layers of tight thin plastic sheeting. Breathing and other safety measures must be appropriately taken care of, often by leaving the face (or at least the mouth and nose) open. Body temperature (maintained to an extent by movement) may also be affected so a warm environment and warm aftercare may be important. Mummification is often used to enhance a feeling of total bodily helplessness, and incorporated with sensation play.
    Munch: A group of people that are into BDSM meeting at a “vanilla” place in street-appropriate attire. Sometimes this is a club. You might see an announcement like, “This weekend’s munch is at Denny’s”.
    Needle play: Temporary piercings done with sterile needles of varying gauges, usually only for the duration of a scene.
    Negotiation: Discussing hard and soft limits and related items of BDSM taste before any play or relationship begins. Often refers to discussions regarding a potential “slave contract.”
    Newbie: Someone new to the BDSM lifestyle.
    Nose torture: A traditionally Japanese form of BDSM often involving nose hooks.
    Nyotaimori: Human sushi platters.
    OTK: Over the knee (spanking).
    Painslut: A person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain but may or may not necessarily enjoy submitting.
    Paraphilia: The dictionary definition is: the need for unusual sexual stimulation: the need for an extreme or dangerous stimulus such as a sadistic or masochistic practice in order to achieve sexual arousal or orgasm. This has been morphed by some of the BDSM community into a person needing recurrent, intense, sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors generally involving non-human objects, the suffering or humiliation of oneself or one’s partner, children, and non-consenting persons.
    Pegging: is a sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a mans anus with a strap-on dildo
    Play party: A BDSM event involving many people engaging in scenes.
    ProDom: Male professional dominant (charges money).
    ProDomme: Female professional dominant (charges money).
    Ponygirl or Ponyboy: Sub is dressed in a pony outfit, with mouth bit and anal plug with a tail. They are told to prance or behave like a pony.
    Pup-play: Sub is made to act like a puppy. Sub barks, whines, eats from a bowl, etc. Such play is sexual, but also focuses on the altered mind-space of bottom/pup and the complete dominance of his/her Trainer/Master.
    RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink.
    Rape fantasy, ravishment: The pleasurable fantasy of inflicting or being a victim to an act of consensual play-rape.
    S&M: Sadism and masochism. This is an alternative term that used to describe the BDSM scene. Gradually it is being replaced with the broader ranging acronym BDSM.
    Sadism: The act of inflicting pain.
    Sadist: Person who enjoys inflicting pain, usually sexually.
    Safe, sane and consensual: (SSC) a credo used by some BDSM practitioners in the BDSM world meaning that play should always be safe and sane, with good judgment exercised. And, most importantly, it MUST be consensual to determine the appropriateness of BDSM play. Sometimes contrasted to RACK (risk aware consensual kink).
    Safeword: A codeword a bottom can use to force BDSM activity to stop – used especially in scenes which may involve consensual force. It is absolute. If a Dominant disregards a submissive’s safe word, that Dominant is considered “unsafe.” The most common safe word is “RED!” Sometimes the word “YELLOW” is agreed to which means “slow done a bit.”
    Scat play: Feces play.
    Scene: A time period of BDSM activities. Sometimes refers to a “public scene” at a party where the participants let others watch. Also used to refer to the BDSM community “the Scene”.
    Sensation play: BDSM play where the intent is to push people’s sensory limits, thus exploring texture, sensory deprival, through to whips, flagellation and edgeplay.
    Service-oriented submission: A person who enjoys performing a service in a sexual or BDSM environment.
    Slave: A person (usually submissive) who consensually gives up total control of one or more aspects of their life to another person (their Master).
    Slave contract: A signed consensual contract, wherein a submissive or slave cedes to the Dom or Master a specified set of powers over her for a set period of time. Although legally unenforceable, it is still a powerful document in the BDSM community.
    Soft Limits: Something that someone is hesitant to do or nervous to try. They can sometimes be talked into the activity, or preferably it may be negotiated at a trial or beginner level into a scene.
    Subdrop: A physical condition, often with cold- or flu-like symptoms, experienced by a submissive after an intense session of BDSM play. This can last for as long as a week, and is best prevented by aftercare immediately after the session.
    submissive: “sub” for short. A person who gives up control to a Dominant for any duration of time for any specified period, from an hour to a lifetime. Commonly called a sub, not to be confused with “bottom” or “slave” in some situations.
    Subspace: A “natural high” that a sub (or bottom) gets during a scene or when being controlled. The sub may feel disconnected from time, space, and/or their body, and may have limited ability to communicate. It is critical that a Dom(me)/top take responsibility for the sub/bottom and be aware of their sub’s well being if they are in subspace.
    switch: Someone who likes being both top and bottom, either in one scene or on different occasions.
    Taken in hand: 24/7 Male dominance in a monogamous marriage, with or without BDSM aspects.
    Tease and denial: Keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. (see also orgasm denial).
    Tit torture: The act of causing deliberate physical pain to the breasts and nipples.
    TNG: The Next Generation. A tag commonly used by groups and organizations which cater to younger people involved in BDSM, typically ages 18–35.
    Top: Person “doing the action” (contrast with bottom – person receiving the action.) Not to be confused with Dom which is the person who “puts the scene together”. A male Dom could enjoy CBT and tell a sub what they are to do. In this case the Top is the submissive (following the direction of the Dom) and the bottom is the Dom (receiving the attention of the top).
    Topping from the bottom: A bottom who purports to be a submissive but who nonetheless wants to direct the top.
    Torture: Not literal torture, but any type of pain inflicted by the Top on a bottom. Examples: tickle torture, clothespin play, nipple clamps, et. al.
    Toys: Slang for portable BDSM equipment – usually contained in a “toy bag.”
    TPE or Total power exchange: a relationship where the dominant or owner has complete authority and influence over the submissive’s life, making the majority of decisions.
    Training: Either referring to a short period of time (a scene) or an ongoing effort of the dominant teaching the submissive how to act.
    Vanilla: Someone who is not into BDSM. Alternatively, sexual behaviour which does not encompass BDSM activity. The term is sometimes used in a derogatory sense.
    Violet Wand: Pricey electrical kink stimulation BDSM toys using the application of low current, high voltage electricity to the body. Like mummification, it is visually exciting and often used in public play.
    Warm up: The period at a beginning of a BDSM scene which involves gentle play, allowing the bottom to begin endorphin production, enter subspace, and undergo physiological changes (such as bringing fluids to the surface before impact play) that will accommodate more intense play.
    WIITWD: What it is that we do. A broad term referring to all forms of alternative sexuality.
    Wax play: The top drips hot wax on the bottom.

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