Orgasm Control: A New Perspective

Although there are many non-sexual practitioners of BDSM play, there are also those who use our lifestyle as a kind of “orgasm magnifier.” From the new legion of Femme Dommes whose specialties include refined “tease and denial” techniques to those Dominants who train their submissives to “cum on command,” the aim is still the same – to make cumming ultra-pleasurable through orgasm control.

Of course, “orgasm control” play is very wide ranging. It spans from semi-vanilla to extreme “chastity” play. No matter where your play lies in this continuum, if one controls or denies orgasm for any period of time, the resulting orgasm is, for most, more intense In the next few “New Perspective” installments, we will study an array of orgasm control systems.

This week, let’s examine the legendary “cumming on command” – which is incredibly exciting if you can achieve it. The theory of “cumming on command” is based on conventional behavior conditioning theory. Basically, the object is to link a key word, phrase or physical signal with the onset of orgasm.

Some submissives seem to have the innate potential to orgasm through a Dominant’s command. But this part of the brain is hard to access. If it were, the number of Dom/mes on cell phones calling their submissives and ordering them to cum would be staggering! The most common method to tap into this center is by the slow and careful building of trust, confidence and respect. Once trust is established, then the training can begin.

The following is one way (obviously there are many others) to train your submissive to cum on command. (I offer, however, no guarantee that these methods will work – but I do guarantee that you will have fun trying!)

A. Start by training the sub to ask permission to cum when he/she is about to orgasm during sex. “Master/Mistress, may I cum?” should always be asked. At this stage, orgasm should never be denied; the object here is to link a specific verbal phrase with orgasm. Your “permission” or “ordering” must always be the same phrase. “Master/Mistress commands you to cum” or some variant is the most effective. But whatever it is, it must be exactly the same, every time you “order” your sub to cum.

B. The next part of the training is to deny release — “No, you may not ” — while continuing the sexual stimulation of your submissive. You should then order release within fifteen to thirty seconds of this initial denial. Then gradually increase this interval. Eventually you should get up to a couple of minutes between denial and permission before proceeding to the next step.

C. This time when you deny permission to cum, take your hand or vibrator away. Wait a few seconds, then resume stimulation simultaneous with commanding him/her to cum. It is important that you train him/her to cum immediately on command/resumption of stimulation. Gradually increase the time between removing your hand and ordering him/her to cum. When this interval reaches five minutes or more you are ready to move on.

D. This is the big step. The GIANT step. The big enchilada! When she is about to cum and asks permission, deny it and take your hand or vibrator away – just like in the previous step. Wait a number of seconds — then order her to cum but do not touch him/her. If he/she cums on this command, without any stimulation, you have hit the jackpot! Repeat this over time while gradually increasing the interval. Eventually the interval can be made as long as you want it — thus he/she can literally cum on command.

E. You can now attempt the legendary high Yaqui Dom/me feat – commanding him/her to cum before being physically stimulated! (Hint — I think it best you put the sub into a sexy mood.) Many Dom/mes have keywords or phrases they use before a sex session. Use of a keyword or phrase can get him/her out of “vanilla space” and make the sub more receptive to your commands to cum. But even with the sub thinking sexy thoughts, this is still one astounding feat. Like levitation.

Remember, cumming on command without any physicality whatsoever is something of an urban BDSM legend. What has been presented here is a good system for, at the very least, teaching a sub to cum on command after being sexually aroused. If you have another system that work for you, please email us here at There’s always room for another great orgasm!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.


  1. Prina33 says:

    a very interesting process indeed. all of it seems like a fantasy for some women due to orgasm issues. i personally unintentionally hold myself back from orgasming because i get in my head. it would be fun to eventually find a partner you can explore this with. those who have are very lucky!

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