Predator Pro-Dommes

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If you are a male sub this article might be the most important one you will ever read (this might seem excessive hyperbole – until this article saves you heart ache and wallet ache.)

Lately, with BDSM going mainstream, with “Fifty Shades” paving the way, there has been a plethora (not an “epidemic – after all Kink Weekly is not Fox News) of what I call “Predator Pro Dommes” invading our community.

(Warning: this might be extremely politically incorrect.)

With the decline of the adult industry and the economy in general, many female sex workers, pornstars and free lancers (who think this is easy money) have been looking for additional income streams. Enter the compliant male submissive. These men have been targeted by many greedy “Faux Dommes,” since submissives are, by definition, anxious to obey their Mistress. Although most, but not all, of these so-called Predator Pro Dommes are loathe to order a submissive to “Empty your bank account for your Mistress,” expensive wish lists, outrageous fees and pricey “tributes” are common and are red flags if you care about your bank account. (If you are an extreme financial masochist and want a Predator Dominatrix to leave you virtually penniless, or are extremely wealthy, that is your choice. Read no further. On the other hand, if you wish to participate in Financial Domination, as it is called, and skip most other aspects of BDSM, we will offer tips to play economically safe in a subsequent article.)

Now it is one thing for a legitimate Pro Domme to be compensated for her time. I am totally cool with that. But it is quite another thing to coldly and diabolically hustle a submissive into paying through the nose for a so-called Mistress who has no interest in BDSM other than as a means to enrich herself. Besides, not only can it be extremely expensive, but often these so-called Dommes also know little more than “On your knees, slave…worship your Mistress.” Thus, the submissive misses out on much of what BDSM is all about. All at an outrageous price.

So how does a submissive – especially a beginner – protect himself? (Again, this is usually a “Domme/male sub” situation.) This can be a bit tricky as some of these “Predator Pro Dommes” are quite clever.

The surest way is to hire a Pro Domme from a reputable dungeon. For example, Los Angeles’s Sanctuary would be one such place. There, the Pro Dommes charge a reasonable hourly rate, all are skilled and familiar with the lifestyle. And in most major cities there are reputable dungeons that offer similar services.

Another way is to ask for references. Talk to the Domme’s other subs and BDSM friends to get a feel as to whether this Pro Domme is a lifestyler making money or a bust out hustler trying to empty your bank account. If she refuses to offer references, that is a BIG red flag. Best to avoid her.

I would try to avoid meeting Pro Dommes on Craigslist or twitter; and although fetlife.com offers no protection, the odds of meeting a legit Domme there are greater. Plus, you can easily cross-reference there.

I also advise asking for a per-hour fee schedule. See if it is comparable to fees at a Pro Dungeon. If it is way out of line, or she says, “How dare you ask me, slave?” or some such way of avoiding the answer, another red flag. The key word here is, “Next.”

You might also use a skills/lifestyle interview. Is she adept with a single tail, cane or a flogger? Play-wise, what are her specialties? If she is vague here, pass. Is she a member of a local dungeon and which one? (This is easy to check up on.) If she says she only plays privately in her own home, this is a big red flag. You might also ask her how she became a Domme? How long has she been in the lifestyle? A good interview is worth a thousand bounced checks!

On the other hand, if the Domme interviews you, don’t come off like you have a helicopter and are Richy Rich, unless you are. You can ring even a legitimate Domme’s greed bell. Honesty does work both ways.

Ultimately, even if you are submissive, it is your money and time – and you have a right to insist it is spent on a reputable, knowledgeable Dominatrix who respects the lifestyle. Being a submissive does not equate to being a pushover for the unscrupulous.

Finally, if you are married, vanilla and need to experience some form of simple Femme Domme worship that these predators specialize in, why not get your wife to learn to dominate you in this manner? If it is easy for newbie “Dommes” to learn, surely your wife can learn it just as easily. You can also play Financial Domination games with little financial risk. After all, the money would just go back into your joint account!

If you are a single submissive looking for a Mistress, why go pro? Bide your time, go to socials and munches, join a dungeon and find a Mistress to share your life with. It might take a while, but you will likely avoid winding up alone and with no Mistress when your money runs out.

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Comments

  1. Steve Schnobrich says:

    Thank you! It is a very good article. I have saved myself heartaches in my brief time in this lifestyle by following some of your procedure. It is my protocol . I have used some experienced local Dominant for guidance if a person make a request that I am not clear on. An example is a person requested I travel a few hundred mile to meet in a hotel so I could be tied up and used by them. The person mentioned a local group that I was involved with them. I contacted the leader of the local group who was a personal friend. I asked Her to share Her opinion on this group member and the situation. I was young and egar as a newbie to experience some BDSM. She gave me Her opinion and I accepted Her direction. I never followed through with the hook -up. I check with local members of the community that I have trusted in their opinion and recommendation on play scenes, I am an not collared and not partnered so my local community is my sounding board in most lifestyle endeavors. It has saved me from making big mistakes in this lifestyle.

  2. Donna Sash says:

    I always avoid all women who ask for $$$ or a tribute
    although I am submissive I am not stupid
    I love to buy a present for a Mistress but it would be my choice not hers
    there are many out there that just want to earn a living on me and others like me
    this will not happen
    Donna

    • Yeah, the ole tribute game! With no pay phones to rifle, this is one way to go. LOL!

      Seriously, with the popularity of Fifty Shades, there are newbies who now know they are not alone in their fantasies. That is the good aspect. The bad aspect — which I will be covering in future articles — is what I call “Half-Assed BDSM.” Stay tuned!

  3. This is an excellent read. Perfect.

    Now, PLEASE do an article on the wannabe BDSM clubs!!
    Where I live there are a couple of swingers clubs, who want to cash in on the whole 50 Shades thing. These “dungeons” are typically outfitted with a single spanking bench, several beds and a stripper pole.
    The people hosting these events appear to have no knowledge or respect for what BDSM is all about. Spamming fetish sites and recruiting a new crowd of newbies who are showing up to learn and play, are going home with the notion that drinking and fucking to rap music is BDSM. – So long as someone has a flogger.
    The newbies need to understand this lifestyle is medieval. We have ancient and respected ways. Personally I think even low protocol is important but I realize its not to everyone. However we have strict rules for good reasons.
    It only takes one drunk person forgetting – or worse – ignoring a safe word to threaten the anonymity and peace of the community.

    • I will be writing about all the effects — both good and bad — of Fifty Shades and the Internet. I picked the “Predator Pro-Dommes” as my first “expose” because I thought I could save people money and heartache. I will cover other aspects of what I call “Half-Assed BDSM” — which will include “wannabe BDSM clubs” in future articles.

      But remember, my aim is not to diss those who are not “high protocol” or “Old Guard traditionalists,” but rather to keep people safe within their BDSM needs, whatever they may be. I am not the arbiter of what is “true” BDSM. Surely my personal BDSM relationship could be open to criticism, as can every D/s union.

      Our aim here is to keep BDSM both user friendly and safe.

      Tell your friends about Kink Weekly, as I will cover important aspects of BDSM that most sites overlook.

    • Excellently spoken Sir

  4. David Martin says:

    You all should have tried playing at any of this before the internet came along. Really, a good read.

  5. Though I may not be able to play IRL (In Real Life, if you were unaware), I am always interested in learning more and experiencing more through the written word!

  6. I have been a pro domme for ten years. I am very well trained and skilled in many facets of BDSM. I have to disagree with go for a Pro Domme who works at a public dungeon. I own my own private dungeon and many men do not want to go to a public dungeon because they want the privacy. I resent that you think if a Pro domme is Independent she is a predator. I also have to explain that I have spoken with many men and they have tried to include their wives. Their wives do not want anything to do with it. Most of them are ok with their husband going to see a pro. And as for the idea that if you are single, play with someone who is not a pro. This is not always easy for a sub to explain all his innermost desires to just any woman. We, as Pro dommes, are very skilled in dealing with newbies. I have talked to some younger clients and given them ideas how to find a real player for lifestyle.
    That being said, there are a lot of, “hookers with a whip” that have no idea what they are doing. I have had a lot of clients go to them and then come to me and tell me how awful this other predator domme is.
    And men, if you are wondering why our donations are, “high” we have thousands of dollars of toys to invest in. Same with outfits. Also it takes about an hour to an hour and a half to prepare for the session. And we pay a lot of advertising. And we work for free a lot with the droves of spineless losers who call and jerk off when we answer the phone.
    However, I love my job and find it very rewarding. I have helped a lot of men explore this to even see if they want to enter the lifestyle. What we do is a certain kind of, “therapy”.
    PS make sure the dominatrix you choose has a website that is appropriate for what she is doing. Predator Pro dommes usually do not have websites.

    • Agree wholeheartedly here!

      One of the issues here is increasing popularity brings numbers and many more subcategories. One the one hand I am loathe to recommend a “Hooker with a whip” but on the other hand if thats the body you want, with that attire you bought to put on that body, holding that whip in all kinds of threatening severe looking ways…. givng you the Sub Client the perfect picture for your internal file… then that is perfect for you. This is in fact a market. If this is what you want then there is no shame, that is your fetish.

      Further, i strongly recommend to take your submissive role in the play room (scenes) but outside (prior) choose consciously, once you have chosen then dissolve yourself in that. Thinking before is discernment, thinking during a meeting or after contract agreement, is paranoia and totally unhelpful to a genuine experience.

      Regarding gifts, of course i enjoy them if they are something i want or need or actually a charge, but I am not one to enjoy gifts gifts and gifts some more…any one thing is a bore eventually. What is mistress actually challenging you with if its as easy to acheive as “buy that thing” there is not intensity here. The point is to feel something, wether it be shame, or affection or deep acceptance. Everything has its right moment, in fact i had a financial slave who was internally conflicted that his shopping for me was interrupted by events and outings, meals and shows and inventive spectacles to test his submission. On the one hand he loved to buy sparkly things, (more than i for sure) on the other, he loved the challenges.

      I recommend my dear Submissive boys, girls if you choose to buy mistress gifts and pay tribute for time then be grateful till death for all the images and memories that she so painstakingly put together for you in that time. Preparation for sessions can take a week or more. Just packing and getting dressed can take hours it is true, but the pre plan and purchase of special items for special secrets found out in the last session is enormously time consuming. It is not only respectful to Mistress, it is respectful to yourself, you deserve to play and enjoy that permanently. Not have it whittled away by time and doubts. If your ways part, due to personality or finances or changing times of any sort, be humble and kind inside, don’t tarnish what it is you had so delighted in previously.

      I myself am enormously grateful to each and every Little miss or naughty man, of filthy slut, to every half hour spanking right up to the longer weeks away. To be honoured with such opening, devotion, payment, to be offered at times the deepest trust, respect, the respectful politness and obedience and all the sweet little emotions that come in the midst of play. Im grateful to touch deeply, and move heads and hearts, making a memory that lasts many years.

  7. Thanks to these prostitutes and predators, legitimately trained professionals like myself encounter so many troubles. Firstly, I have to explain that professional SM is not about prostitution but it is a service that should be paid for, just like you would pay your therapist, personal trainer or masseuse over and over and over again. Secondly, this kind of attitude makes people cheap and think that they can just learn from YouTube tutorials so much that although I have 12+ years of actual training, they think a few 10 min video tutorials and some latex outfit makes them a Dom. That is like pretending to be a surgeon and telling people you can perform a transplant because you watch the daytime drama ER.
    Thirdly, just because a mistress is associated with a dungeon does not mean that they are not predators and don’t assume they are predators if they are not associated with a dungeon. Some dungeons are just glorified pimping rings for pretend Doms or worse: violent psychopaths.
    There is also a huge issue of predator subs who try to trick mistresses into providing services for them that they never intend to compensate for.
    To BAADMASTER: thank you for this article but you may want to write an article on Subs that steal precious time and resources from professional Doms.

    • YES!!!!!

    • Can you not subscribe to the whorearchy? There is nothing wrong with women who offer sex and bdsm services. You are no better than a sex worker who sucks dick. We all play the same game. For the record, I speak of this as a prosub who has worked in the industry for 5 years now and part of the BDSM comunicty for 9. I do offer sex with my services and they arent any less legit than yours.

      This whole article is digusting. There are many reasons to go see a pro. If you do your research you won’t get ripped off. Read reviews, ask for references, look critically at their websites…

    • thank you for your response! i am a newb to domming but i intend to start it out free, then cheap, then higher but still very discounted. i am going to be upfront about my lack of experience with most things that may come up in a domme/sub relationship, and refer clients to more experienced dommes if they want someone with more practice and a wider skillset. another thing i resent in the domme community is the unnecessary degree of competition! i have no issue acknowledging i can’t meet a sub’s needs and referring them to someone who seems better suited for them, and in my opinion, everyone should feel the same. trying to meet needs just to make ends meet results in a half assed scene and likely, a dissatisfied sub. :/
      it’s not a shortcoming not to be right for someone, so i think people should be less greedy, and turn down difficult/hard to pull off requests, and refer them to friends and colleagues who would be better suited to the task.

  8. Zensatable says:

    To add a bit of levity, I followed a link to this article from Fetlife. I consider myself a “predator Domme” so I thought it would be all about how to find people like me 😉 I am not a predator in the mercenary sense you describe here, however.

    • Mandie Rae states: “If you do your research you won’t get ripped off. Read reviews, ask for references, look critically at their websites…”

      I think that is pretty much what I said.

    • bwahahahah hillarious…

      i too was perceiving a slightly different take on things

  9. Jaylee101 says:

    It always amazes me how so many people think they have the definitive answer to such questions, especially since it is usually written by someone who has never experienced the subject they are talking about, they just felt the need to express their very important opinion on the matter.
    Pro domes serve as much of a purpose in kink as non-pros do. Just because it’s not YOUR kink doesn’t mean it isn’t valid.
    Don’t use pro’s myself, and don’t charge for enjoying a sub. Too many out there to enjoy for free. Why pay for it?

  10. Dominay (on Fetlife) says:

    I am a well-trained, highly educated, natural proDomme. I have a private dungeon. Not all clients want to play in public space.

    Most of my clients are married. Their wives know (or know of) me. The wives are not interested in Domming. This is not easy to just pick up. I have several thousands of dollars invested in toys. I have twice that amount invested in my BDSM education classes. I am a true professional in all that I do. I am an artist!

    I am not a predictor. I am a vibrant Domme. I do not have professional references as these guys do not want people calling them.

    This article seems to be written by someone who is out of touch with BDSM and Dommes.

    • Again, please re-read the article. I stated clearly, (quote) “Now it is one thing for a legitimate Pro Domme to be compensated for her time. I am totally cool with that. But it is quite another thing to coldly and diabolically hustle a submissive into paying through the nose for a so-called Mistress who has no interest in BDSM other than as a means to enrich herself. ”

      I think that is as clear as I can make it. This is not about you or legit Pro Dommes. But if I save even one newbie sub heartache, I have more than done my job.

    • Wrong… this article was written by someone who is totally in tune with whats going on in this community, that is ‘Pro-Dommes’ who are opportunistic, who use mentally unstable subs, and who have no morals. The very fact that you deny this instead of being honest about it is a red flag that you are a user and a predator. You and your kind will slowly but surely be outed, exposed and run out of existence. Go hide in your basement cus we’re coming for you.

  11. Baroness K. says:

    I am seriously offended by this article.

    Yes, “Baadmaster”, you may have been in the Kink arena as a writer and host on a “internet show”, but as this article states, “His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages”, these are YOUR THOUGHTS- Not your experience!! Why haven’t you found time to interview both sides of the coin, prior to making accusations.

    I have been a Pro-Domme for over ten years. I have had both a Dungeon and a private location at my residence. When I meet potential subs, I arrange a meeting FIRST to discuss playstyles, tributes, safe words, etc, as well as they’re desires. I allow the submissive to put his thoughts, his past experiences- good & bad as well as what he is truly seeking in the fore-front prior to a session. I also allow the husband or wife to be involved if that is something that is desired.
    But, that is not always the case. If the synergy is not there between us, I refer them to Mistresses’ that may assist in the journey.
    If I feel he or she is just looking for just sex or anything else that does not pertain to BDSM, I dismiss them.

    I ask that you revise this article. You are portraying hard working Pro- Dommes, as deceivers.
    Sir, I am here to tell you, some of us are not!!

    Domination is a lifestyle choice for the discerning adult appreciative of the Superior Mistresses’ and is NOT Prostitution or Solicitation.

    • Just because you are a responsible Pro Domme — and I know many — does not mean the scene is not being invaded by predators. Post “Fifty Shades,” one cannot assume everybody takes BDSM seriously.

      You should actually be thankful for this article. Jessica Jyosama (above) states, “Thanks to these prostitutes and predators, legitimately trained professionals like myself encounter so many troubles.” I am simply making subs aware of this invasion of ““hookers with a whip” as Princess Sheila (above) states. Keep in mind, that for every sub who gets raked over the coals by “Insta-Dommes,” there is one less customer for you and also reflects badly on the whole Pro Domme scene. I am actually doing you a favor.

      Furthermore, if you would read carefully and not jump to conclusions, I stated, and I quote, “Now it is one thing for a legitimate Pro Domme to be compensated for her time. I am totally cool with that. But it is quite another thing to coldly and diabolically hustle a submissive into paying through the nose for a so-called Mistress who has no interest in BDSM other than as a means to enrich herself. ”

      Since you fall into the former category, why would you get annoyed when I suggest subs avoid the second. I am actually surprised that a Pro Domme like yourself would not applaud me for protecting vulnerable subs from mercenaries.

      Clearly, this article is not about you. It is to warn newbie subs that there are predatory Dommes out there. If there is one large error that I made, it was to not add that there are predatory male Doms out there too. And I will likely write about that.

      Since you are a responsible, professional Domme, I cannot for the life of me see why you would excoriate me for protecting those who might want to legitimately use your services.

    • I might add…Baroness K. states, and I quote: “I ask that you revise this article. You are portraying hard working Pro- Dommes, as deceivers. Sir, I am here to tell you, some of us are not!!”

      Might I suggest a course in “Reading 101.” I never said anything of the sort. Not even close. I clearly stated, and I quote, “Ultimately, even if you are submissive, it is your money and time – and you have a right to insist it is spent on a reputable, knowledgeable Dominatrix who respects the lifestyle. Being a submissive does not equate to being a pushover for the unscrupulous.”

      Furthermore, since I gave you the courtesy of a reply, then show your innate Dominance and challenge me on the points that I made. To insult and run, especially after saying that “You are seriously offended by this article,” is not the trait of a “Superior Mistress,” as you call yourself.

    • @ Baroness K. – I am offended by you and your arrogance. You are WRONG. Pro-Domme IS sexual in nature and IS Prostitution. I am sick of Dommes who hide behind the BDSM community and pretend that they’re not predators.

    • Jack 'O De Canes says:

      @Baroness K:

      I agree with some of the things you’ve stated, and disagree with others. The main parts I agree with are as follows. Not all pro-dommes are mean and exploitative predators who prey upon weak-willed male subs to empty their wallets. That having been said, quite a few pro-dommes, are exactly that; wicked, cheating, deceiving, and conniving PREDATORS, and most newbie male subs (female subs generally tend to be a lot smarter and more cautious than male subs, ergo the emphasis on male subs), and they had better beware.

      I totally agree with you that many male subs dislike the public dungeon atmosphere, and prefer to play in private (and more discreet) dungeons. Indeed many male subs (or male switches like me), don’t even like the dungeon atmosphere at all (whether it be a public or private dungeon), and prefer to play in spaces that look more like domestic, office, classroom, workplace, or outdoors settings.

      My core fetish/Kinky-Need, is discipline-focused corporal punishment. I don’t identify as a slave, serf, submissive, or even a masochist. I’m more interested in being corporally punished (especially with canes in a domestic or homely bare-bum caning format), than in being shackled, bound, collared, whipped, etc. Not to say there’s anything wrong with desiring such things. However those are not the kind of things I want or need, and as such the traditional BDSM Dungeon environment, is actually a major turn-off for me. I prefer to visit a specialist spanking Pro-Domme in her private domestic-environment-type playspace, who would just punish me the same way my mother would have, or a strict aunt would have, and not go screaming demeaning epithets like “lowly slave,” “worthless sub,” “pathetic masochist,” etcetera and etcetera at me in some public dungeon, in a party atmosphere, while people walk around and gawk at me, or listen in.

      My Mom was never in the habit of punishing me in public, and since punishment is my core fetish, I wish to keep it as close to what it used to be back in the days of my childhood, or during my headstrong teenage years; which is to say, discreet, and private. I knew what it meant for Mom to say, “Go to my study and wait for me young man, we are going to have a long talk about your behavior.” She never needed to gather a crowd of idle onlookers and make a spectacle of my corrective-chastisements, in order to get her disciplinary point across, and even though I was a minor, she accorded me enough respect and dignity, by making sure she caned me within the privacy of her bedroom, my bedroom, or in her study. She wouldn’t even allow my elder brother watch. And were she to have heard him giggling or listening in at the keyhole, she would have invited him into her study later on after she was done thrashing me, for a rather extra generous helping of her long, thick, and viciously supple Senior Cane.

      Punishment in our home was a solemn and formal sober-minded behavior-modifying and educational affair, it wasn’t some giddy spectacle staged for the entertainment of idle folks, and as such privacy, discretion, and dignity, even for mere children like we were back then, was graciously afforded by our mother (the Chastiser and Disciplinarian). If I was punished in private as a mere kid, who had little power and little rights, how dare anyone insist I be punished in public in some humiliating public dungeon format? Absolutely not!

      So BaadMaster seems to be quite ignorant of the fact that a lot of folks in BDSM are more Disciplinees and/or Punishees, than we are slaves or subs or masos. For us Corporal Punishment is a serious Life-Coaching and/or Behavior-Improvement business, and not some mere kinky game or spectacle. We do not like to be put up on a stage and thrashed, while people walk by, and stop to gawk and listen in. Rather we just like to visit our Disciplinarian in the privacy of her private dungeon or domestic playspace, confess our shortcomings to her in a discreet and private place (knowing we say will ever leave that room), an then have her administer a suitable sound thrashing (or other -type punishment) that will possibly be quite humiliating (and definitely quite humbling), but which will at the same time, be private.

      In other words, what happens with the Mistress being closed doors, stays right there, behind closed doors. If there were no Dommes with private dungeons or playspaces, folks like me, would never have our needs met. So BaadMaster is either ignorant, or else he is willfully wrong.

      I do disagree with Baroness K about one more thing though, and that is this contempt Pro-Dommes or Dominatrices seem to have for prostitutes. I don’t visit prostitutes myself, but I don’t see anything wrong with the service they provide. Some men are not married, and suck at wooing or courting women. In order words, they simply couldn’t get a regular girlfriend, wife, or date, to save their own life. For such men, and even for many inexperienced teenage boys, prostitutes are their only way to get laid. As such prostitution aka the “World’s Oldest Profession,” is a vital service, and many men would go insane, rape women, fall into depression, become serial killers, or commit suicide, if there were no prostitutes for them to visit.

      Instead of always running prostitutes down, and acting so SUPERIOR to them, Pro-Dommes (being fellow providers of Intimate Services), should have a little more sympathy or at least empathy, for their sisters (or cousins if you prefer a more distant relationship), …prostitutes…, and kinda knock-it-off, when it comes to whole prostitutes and prostitution bashing business. Prostitutes do make the world go round, and there has never been any form of human civilization, in which prostitutes haven’t played some role or the other, need I remind o us of the Sacred Prostitutes of ancient Greece, Egypt, Rome, or India?

      Temple Prostitutes in Hinduism, were once revered as conduits to the spiritual world, and guides to mystical experiences. Famous Courtesans like Madame Pompadour; who was Mistress to King Louis the XIV (aka the Sun King) of France, was his main confident, a major adviser at his court, and a shaper of royal policy during his glorious reign. A certain famous Roman prostitute used her influence over the Praetorian Guard to overthrow the Emperor of Rome, and established herself as Empress of Rome, giving rise to the first Pornocracy (or Rule of Prostitutes) in human history (the word “Porno” meaning prostitute, and “Cracy” of course meaning government), so prostitutes have played very important roles in human history, and vital for the maintenance of male sanity, and should not be mocked, either by vanilla men, vanilla women, kinky folks, and/or Pro-Dommes, who after all as fellow sex-workers, share quite a bit in common with their distant cousins, prostitutes.

      I’m well aware of the famous bumper-sticker phrase, “Domination is Not Prostitution,” and no one is saying it is. Nonetheless both professions often share many characteristics, their practitioners often being strong, highly intelligent, take-charge, independent, and entrepreneurial women, so I don’t see why Dominatrices feel such a need to distance themselves from prostitutes (even courtesans and geishas), and to run them down all the time. After you caned a grown man’s rear-end raw and bloody, he’s highly unlikely to deem you the same as a lowly drud-addicted street-walker, so there is no need to belabor the point of your “SUPERIORITY,” I believe the soundly thrashed gent, would get it, and be able to tell the difference on his own. Sometimes, the Domina “doth protest too much!”

      Male subs are not total dolts, we get it, and can make the distinction mesdames, merci!

  12. Baroness K. says:

    I stand corrected.

    Thank You
    BK

    • BK…It takes a big person to admit they were wrong. Well done!
      BTW, my next article will be about Predator (Male) Doms! Stay tuned!

  13. Joseph Richard Dijohn says:

    Can I tell a true story?

    • kinkweekly says:

      Yes, as long as it’s not defamatory and doesn’t out anyone by their name.

  14. Good article (except for the slam at Fox News

  15. I am a submissive that is very new to the scene, and I’m afraid I may have fallen victim to one of these “predator pro-dommes.” I was asked to give $200 upfront for “tuition” and then told I had to pay $360 for toys we’d use. I’m afraid my kind and submissive side has kept me from being firm in my confrontation of them and I’m not sure what I am to do about this loss of over $500…

  16. Yep … more bullshit confusion for the newbies…

  17. Most Pro Dommes I have sessioned with were fine. My first was fantastic. Are we allowed to mention names if it is a compliment? I had some trouble with one. I have no interest in being broken down. She assured me that she doe not. A couple weeks later on her Twitter, she is talking about how she breaks down her clients. She also would not give me my deposit back even though I had given notice a few days in advance.

    Unfortunately, I have used those databases that sell video and audio content. Now, those people are real predators. They want to ruin people. Addiction, financial ruin, ending relationships, blackmail, etc. is not submissive exploration. I do not understand why they cannot be arrested.

    • Sorry you had that experience. I wish there was a code of ethics for all, but just like any business there are all kinds of people. I have often been told I’m the most ethical Sex worker said client knows. I find this very hard to believe as my friends are equally so. It is more that a “Learn Burn” where ethics of money is concerned is more common than i would like.

      Once i bought a client of mine a very nice Birthday present sent to his house annonymously, a playstation type thing, the new one that he wanted with some extra pieces (there were no friend or family situations to consider as a life liability in this case we knew each other quite well). He was so disturbed by the gift he didn’t see me again, he said he couldn’t in the same capacity as he was so deeply touched as to have fallen in love in another way. From my side this was a genuine thankyou for giving myself and girlfriend a delightful time of non stop saucey scenes. We all had a blast and it was a celebration of something big in his life. Somehow the stigma of the cold hard sex worker out for the taking and offering nothing was so shattered by my gift that he just couldn’t face me in the same way.

      For the record i had insisted that a Sub purchase me a gift on thier first session. If i feel they need to make amends for a rude comment by phone or message or perhaps because i sense they want to or perhaps because they have inconvenienced me somehow. I might even ask (demand) for something quite expensive… but i feel it respectful to scene play and trust building to give a cheaper option without loss of face (for example “ill have this expensive vibrator by this brand from this shop on this day, and if they are out of stock or you cannot find it due to stupidity or blindness from excitement, then something electric blue will only do!”

      oh i love this, really, great post… Baadmaster

  18. After topping in many relationships, I tried a pro-domina in Vancouver for a first time and was blown away. I have been visiting pro-dommes for over 25 years now, become friends with a couple, built and moved dungeons on trade and have seen them outside of session time. In all this time, I had one close call with a person but quickly recognized the situation and got my clothes back on and out the door.
    Every other experience has been positive. I modeled in stills and video shoots for more for over 10 years. One must “shop wisely” and expect a proper interview . . . that you should be expected to do as well before anything happens. If she won’t look you in the eye and reply truthfully, then get out before being unable to. If there is no trust when you are sitting there with clothes on and running shoes on your feet – you will be in real trouble if cuffed or tied up.
    On top of it all – you get what you pay for. A true pro dom is worth paying for.

  19. I have to count myself as one of the newbies who’ve been exploited by one of the dommes you speak of. Losing money was not the part that was the most harmful; the most harmful aspect was that I was left with quite a lot of psychological scars from the experience. I have had therapy since then and feel as if I can now live with those scars, but they are still there.

    It’s good that you have wrote this article. I think the culture of Female domme and Male sub is such, that it is very easy for dommes to speak up about bad subs, but almost impossible for Male subs to say anything about bad dommes (in a healthy world both of these things need to be possible). The problem being that bad manipulative dommes can sometimes use this to create an environment where subs feel bad for even making the small demands that every human should be allowed to make, which is to demand 2 basic things:
    1. Safety
    2. Respect. This often gets ignored by many of the newer findom type of dommes (but not by all of them; I’m not attacking findom as a whole). Basically what I am saying is that there needs to be some sort of procedure in place to ensure that there is a line drawn between the type of humiliation and lack of respect that a domme shows to her sub during their domme/sub interactions (which is something that the sub consents to) and the type of humiliation and lack of respect that a person may show to someone they have dislike for (which is something the sub does not consent to). Now in real life scenarios this is obviously done with aftercare and other similar procedure, but the trouble is when someone participates in findom there also needs to be this level of respect as well. A findom needs to understand that a sub’s entire mental health can be completely destroyed by them if they are not careful and they should have enough responsibility and respect for their sub to try their best to avoid that type of situation.

    For example, don’t dismiss your clients as, “Human Toilets,” as this findom does to an audience of cheering people in the following video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zu0gi0R08UU . Sub men are not human toilets, they are human beings with thoughts, feelings, intelligence and talents, along with families and friends who love and respect them. This should be remembered by findoms who should not dismiss them as human toilets (unless that is an insult used as part of the domme/sub dynamic, in which case it is consented to).

    In conclusion: The things described in this article are very real. People really can get harmed by bad dommes, not just financially, but psychologically as well. (and also physically obviously, but I think the danger of physical harm is much more obvious)

    As a sidenote:
    If you are a good Pro Domme reading this or the article and you do not bare any resemblance to the bad dommes that we are talking about, then why would you feel need to get offended? We are not taking about you and the only inconvenience that it could possibly have to you, to make these issues known, is that your subs might be a tiny bit more cautious when contacting you, but is that not a good thing? Would you not rather a sub think a little bit more about what he was getting into before contacting you? After all you must get sick of subs contacting you on a whim, telling you that you can do what you want with them and claiming not to have limits, etc, etc. So what’s the problem?

    Thanks to anyone, who’s read this long comment.

    • ruut, think it would be great for pros to work together and create a professional membership organization. Then they could establish standards for how they do business. I think potential clients
      would appreciate it.
      To you Dommes I think you would appreciate a professional organization. It off r rs you more than just going to conventions. Google the term ‘associations.’ Look at the large ones.See what they offer.
      It may help you to put a public face on what you do. I think it would be good for public officials to get
      to know you. That way they can become more objective in how they describe you.

  20. Fetlife contravenes Canadian law, specifically Bill C36, by allowing Findommes to post an ad. If anyone meets through Fetlife and is paid; they can be charged. And if I am not mistaken, they are located in Vancouver so they are essentially playing with fire on this one… BDSM is legal but for pay, it is sex-work in the eyes of the law and subject to prostitution laws, which changed a few years ago under Harper.

  21. That is indeed tricky. I read somewhere that in Japan, there is a phenomenon (albeit a sad one) in which people pay for company or a friend in what is termed ‘rent a friend’. Perhaps, as there is no physical sex involved in finanical domination (well, from my understanding of the concept), this may be comparable.

    Would contacting someone about sex or to gain sexual gratification be the same as physical sex? This raises some interesting questions.

    Say if they both knew each other in a platonic way and the dominant partner was not operating in a business capacity, would financial domination then be considered a commercial arrangement?

    On the topic of rent-a-friend, from my understanding, this sector is booming, if so, this speaks volumes on the social isolation faced by many Japanese,

    Of interest are the links below.

    http://theweek.com/articles/631927/inside-japans-booming-rentafriend-industry
    http://www.odditycentral.com/news/japans-lonely-youth-turns-to-rent-a-friend-services.html

  22. I wd adore a toned muscular predator bisexual scented-thighes wifey

  23. Dear Baadmaster,

    Thanks for this informative article!
    I have a serious concern, however, based on my personal bitter experience, which I would like to clarify. Perhaps if share my story, others can be more careful!
    I think that predator pro dommes can be dangerous. But predator abusers, faking to be non-pro mistresses, are much much more dangerous. Not only can they ruin their victim’s wallet, but their whole life as well. And they can crush their heart in the process!
    In the closing paragraph, you ask “why go pro?” seemingly implying that only feigned Pro Dommes can be dangerous predators. I think, however, that submissives are attractive targets for abusers as well. I know only too well because I got married to one!
    (What I am writing here can of course be true for abusive men as well. But because my story is with an abusive woman, I will be refering to “dommes”/abusers using female pronouns.)
    There are people out there who want all the perks of being in control, but none of the responsibilities. Who want to cause chaos in other’s lives, just to calm down the chaos in their heads. Who cannot improve because they cannot see any shortcomings that, as any other human, they have. So when these people find out that there are people who like to submit, then they figure that they have found the perfect victims!
    The crux of my story is: the rules of BDSM (such as Safe-Sane-Consentual, etc.) are there for a very good reason! They are the product of the community’s collective experience. If a supposed Domme cannot respect some simple rules, how on Earth should anyone expect that she will respect her slave’s limits?

    Very briefly, my wife is emotionally abusive. She was not into BDSM. But I was open about my sexuality even before we started dating. Thus, she became attracted to me because she recognized the opportunity to be in control and to be abusive without accountability. She manipulated me, however, by making me think that she was doing me a favor and that my sexuality was a burden on her.
    Eventually, I ended up offering her a 24/7 Femdom contract. I did it kind of like offering her a bargain: she would continue accommodating my sexuality, and in return I would accommodate her desire to be in control. It seemed that our tendencies were in perfect match! However, I kept feeling indebted that she made me the favor to dominate me.
    Only after our Femdom contract was cancelled, following her failure to respect my limits related to our children and my work, did she admit that my submisiveness was not a burden, but rather the trait that attracted her. She just wanted a sucker to control without limits and thought that I, a femdom-craving man, would be exactly that.
    There were quite a few warning signs but I ignored them.
    For example, once she was flogging my back and kept hitting my kidneys. I asked her to be careful and when she kept doing it I complained. She got upset because I was telling how to do things.
    Or, for example, on some occasions I was bringing up the BDSM rules and she was saying that she was my mistress and I should obey her, not a list of rules that some self-proclaimed expert came up with.

    So, fellow submissives, learn the BDSM rules. Use them to protect yourself. And do only what feels right. After all, BDSM must be consentual, and consent can be withdrawn at any moment. And if a “mistress” ignores or dismisses the BDSM rules, run!

    Cheers!
    N

    • Jack 'O De Canes says:

      I couldn’t have said it better myself.

      Such predatory dommes,… (many of whom don’t levy a monetary fee … which is not the same thing as saying they are actually free of charge … for there’s no such thing as a free lunch), like to throw around the Almighty Shut Up! Phrase, “topping from the bottom.”

      They are quick to yell at any male bottom or sub or serf or masochist or slave, … “You are trying to top from the bottom and I cannot abide a slave… (or whatever descriptor you prefer for the bottoming partner) …who tops from the bottom. You are here to please me, serve me, and meet my needs, not the other way round (WHAT?!!). If you want a woman that will service your needs, you better go visit a Pro-Domme, I’m a real Domme, not some prostitute with a whip, and if you want to be with me, you’ll do as I say.” And blah blah, blah, … blah, blah, blah!

      Such sickening arrogance, hubris, and high-handed self-centeredness! What a putrid crock!

      If I as the male bottom had no needs worth meeting, why the heck would I be spending my precious time with you, O Madam High and Mighty Non-Pro-Domme?

      I guess I’m supposed to be this selfless and self-sacrificing Santa Claus type sub (or slave), who only exist to do the bidding of his so-called non-professional Domme, or to serve and cater to every capricious whim of his divine (again so-called non-charging) Mistress, without a single regard to my safety, well-being, desires, needs, interests, etcetera.

      While you are at it Ma’am, why don’t you just petition the Vatican to canonize me a living saint already, for obviously even the holiest of martyrs, could not possibly be as selfless and self-immolating as you obviously do expect me to be.

      Such women pretend they don’t ask anything in return for topping you, and that they are so, so superior to pro-dommes, who are at least honest enough to charge a monetary fee. Yet the charge the most expensive fee a woman could ever charge a man, namely an abject and total surrender of your Will to her.

      If you have total control over another person’s will, if you have their total devotion, if you have their complete and un-protesting obedience, don’t you own them completely, including their wallet and/or bank account?

      What a total crock!

      Such deceitful women, and the greatest and most dangerous predators of all. I’d visit a Dominatrix who charges me $1,000 per hour, than hand over total control over my life (in a TPE Relationship; … TPE for those not familiar with this acronym, means “Total Power Exchange”), to some female psycho-social con-artist, who describes herself as a “no-limits lifestyle domme.”

      Beware of such women, for they are exceedingly dangerous, and they are the first to egregiously violate your HARD Limits, under the guise of “pushing (or testing) limits.”

  24. This is a good article, but some of this is ridiculous! The idea that someone should go to a legitimate dungeon like Sanctuary in Los Angeles is a bit of a joke. I got on a BDSM dating line and met a dominatrix who worked at Sanctuary. We seemed to have some common “interests” and she invited me to a party at Sanctuary. I got very excited when the night of the party arrived–she was very attractive. I washed my hair, my clothes, my car, I got all my toys ready and drove out to Sanctuary. When I got there, the people who were there told me she “left at 7:00” and wasn’t going to be there. She made no attempt to contact me to tell me she wasn’t going to be there. When I contacted her on Fetlife ( she had a Fetlife profile as well as one on the dating line where we met), I told her she had, “no consideration for my feelings” and that she had stood me up. She immediately began cursing me and screaming (on the internet) that we “never had a REAL DATE!!” and that she “didn’t have time for this BULLSHIT!!) After I sent her a cut and paste of the conversation where she had invited me to the party, she became furious and began abusing me and cursing me for several paragraphs. WHY ARE YOU BEATING A DEAD HORSE?! I DON’T WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU!–she continued ranting. Never once did she take responsibility for standing me up nor did she apologize. THIS PERSON WAS THE WORST!! And she worked at Sanctuary. Also, the parties at Club WICK at Sanctuary are some of the WORST parties I’ve ever attended. Very stuffy and not fun at all.

  25. I have a very close friend of mine who is a pro domme who is user Aurora8218 on Fetlife and she has been doing it for years. She is based in Orlando now but started in Pensacola near a military base where many of the men there were eager to experience a more submissive role. She has always been about the more mental and sensual domination style and is a very complex and wonderful domme. This article is so interesting to me in that she has had the opposite problem with men flaking out on her or trying to hustle her down in price, which she is very reasonable on. Her main motivation is creativity, mind opening, and fulfilling requests for her clients. She struggles to pay her bills because she wants to accommodate those who may not have the means to pay for an experience like hers. I see her routinely make leaps for people to help them be able to enjoy her craft. It fires me up to know there are such predators out there that do this when I know someone who is such an artist who only asks for enough tribute to just make her bills. I’m sure she is not alone, and I thank the writer of this article for calling attention to this practice. To those reading, do not give up on finding someone to fulfill a part of your life that is a legitimate extension of your person. True dominatrix practitioners are out there, and are worth every penny, as any of Aurora’s clients would tell you. I am SpazzNut77 her friend and bisexual sub whom has served in her sessions for clients before, and I can personally attest to her professionalism and care in meeting beforehand and creating a atmosphere of comfort and trust before she will even agree to meet for a session. Which I suggest you request of any domme you have not worked with before. A legitimate domme cares more for her clients than she does for her payment.

  26. This is quite an interesting article, and while in principle I do agree with the majority of it, as a Prodomme I can also see why other professionals of the industry might take offence, some of the word choice is poor and there is some bad advice offered here.
    First of all, the women you are talking about are not pro Dommes, they are little girls who woke up yesterday and decided they would rather rinse a man than work hard, they have no skills, equipment or experience and will likely never do a real session in their life, the majority of them disappear as quickly as they appeared once they realise how much work it takes to make a full time living even doing that. You can’t expect to coin these women as ‘pro Dommes’ comparing them to the thousands of passionate skilled women who have dedicated their life and finances to their craft, anybody from any industry would find a similar comparison insulting, and unfortunately it does show a lack of comprehension on your part with regards to how much of ourselves us true professionals give to this line of work and how hard much harder we have to work to prove that we are not in fact the predators that you are talking about it. Describing these women as pro Dommes only confuses the issue further, they are not pro Dommes at all.
    Secondly I think that your advice about public dungeons is misinformed, I have been a pro Domme for over 15 years and worked in many different public dungeons on 4 different continents, and in my experience they tend to be dirty because neither Mistress, slave or owner take responsibility for cleaning the whole space, there is little regard given to how much experience the girls have as long as they are pretty enough to pull the punters in and get the costs covered, and because public dungeons tend to be owned by business men, the Mistresses are expected to clock watch, get the last client out and the new one in as soon possible, with no consideration for relationship building between Mistress & sub. It is for these very reasons that I only work from public dungeons whilst on tour and if strictly necessary, and why I invested over £50k in my own private dungeon, which I guarantee you is held to a considerably higher standard than any of the commercial dungeons in my area.

    If subs want to avoid being ripped off the answer is very simple: engage your brain and don’t throw your money at the first pretty face to ask for it. Any real prodomme worth her salt will have a quality website, do real time sessions, and have an extensive and verifiable online history that equates to more than a Twitter account and an onlyfans profile.
    Do not confuse instadommes with prodommes, they are very different beasts!

  27. A Mistress who does not invest in her craft is not invested in you!

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