The Punishment Manual – Part I

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Most D/s articles on the Internet talk about punishment in terms of spanking. “If you do not obey, I will spank you.” But how does this work if the submissive or slave actually likes to be spanked? Here we will catalogue punishments you can actually use in the real time training of a slave/submissive. This will be one of my longest articles. But I wanted to start the year off with as complete a guide to punishment as possible.
First, some basic punishment principles. It is always important to match the punishment to the infraction. Let the punishment fit the crime. When a minor infraction gets a major punishment, you are sending the wrong signal. Try to administer punishment as closely as possible to the time of the violation. In this way the sub/slave will not only be properly and predictably disciplined, but will also respect his/her Dominant. Never let a punishment cause injury. Never, ever use a hard limit as a punishment. And, finally, always start the punishment with a lecture/explanation. (This will be more fully explained in Part II).

There is a debate as to whether punishment sessions should have safe words. In the year 2018, with all these winds of social change, I would say ALWAYS have a safe word for every session. Period.
There is also the question as to whether punishment is necessary in the training of a sub/slave at all. There is no rule that says there must be punishment in a Master/slave or Dom/sub relationship. I can envision a slave so instinctual he/she needs no punishment to serve flawlessly. Surely some subs/slaves can respond perfectly to praise or disapproval alone. Different (flogger) strokes for different folks. But as The Punishment Manual is intended only for those Dom/mes who use punishment as an integral part of their training, the point is moot.
There are two sides to the discipline coin – physical punishment and mental punishment. I have found that a balanced combination of both physical and mental punishment, along with praise, to be the most effective way to train a submissive or slave.
What follows are specific punishments that can be used effectively in the training of a sub/slave. I used many of them myself. Here is Part I – the “Physical Punishments” section.

PHYSICAL PUNISHMENTS

  1. Find the “butt-beating” implement that your submissive dislikes. If he/she hates the paddle, cane or a particular flogger in your collection, use it. Look no further, you have found the perfect tool of discipline. When your submissive or slave commits an infraction that requires punishment, bring out the paddle or cane (or whatever implement is on the sub’s “un-wish” list) and administer punishment.
    But keep out wary eye out for signs that the submissive is actually enjoying the “punishment.” Make sure you do not let the submissive get into subspace. If you see the submissive hitting “space,” stop. And tell the submissive why you are stopping.
    Clever “bratty” subs have been known to misbehave in order to get a good beating. This might be fine for role-play or scening, but is counter-productive if you are seriously trying to train a submissive or slave. If this is the case, switch to another form of punishment.
  2. Hair pulling is a great way to get your point across. Especially when verbal disapproval accompanies this action. A good hair pulling session with a “what did you do wrong” question and response routine is awfully effective.
  3. A very popular punishment for a mouthy submissive is the age-old one of washing the mouth out with soap. This has worked for the last hundred years and will probably work for a hundred more!
  4. “Sensory Deprivation” is perhaps the single most “unforgettable” punishment a Master/Mistress/Dom/Domme can mete out. Being tied and left alone – especially when ballgagged and even blindfolded — for a period of time is another punishment the submissive will not soon forget! In this technology era, a camera should be observing the submissive. And the Dom/me should be monitoring the camera on the cell phone at all times for any signs of distress or the safe word.
  5. “Corporal Punishment” is a combination punishment – it encompasses both the physical and mental side. This corporal punishment “script” can be altered in many ways – but the major point is the question and response during the punishment. For example — “Does sub/slave know why he/she is being punished?” “Yes, Sir/Ma’am. I have shamed Master/Mistress by (reciting offense).” You can incorporate this Q and A technique to just about any physical punishment.
  6. A variation on the sensory deprivation theme is being kept in a cage. Depending on the submissive’s fears (if it is a hard limit, avoid this as a punishment), this can be the one thing the submissive fears most. Requiring the submissive to eat out of a bowl is another aspect of this punishment that can be quite effective. Again, the objective is to know and understand your submissive or slave. To repeat – if caging, eating out of a bowl or sensory deprivation is a hard limit, this is not a punishment you should ever use.
  7. There is really no limit on what you can use as punishment. Sometimes play that is enjoyable can be used as punishment when done in a disapproving manner or on another area of the body. For example, wax play on the buttocks might be one of your submissive’s favorite activities. But when applied to the breasts, the sub might hate it. In this case, use it!
    These are the types of physical punishments that can be used when training a submissive or a slave. In Part II, I will outline mental punishments that will give you great ideas how to put the “D” in D/s!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Comments

  1. Some helpful and interesting points on here! Hubby’s journey going to get more interesting!

  2. I agree, a true/harsh punishment must not be associated with the kink, the play itself, as it is meant to correct a bad behavior. For small offences I often use corporal punishment or humiliating tasks, but for the greater ones I always use the mental punishment of letting him know I am disappointing with him.

  3. As an outsider who is curious but looking in as I’ve recently learned about D/s for first time, I find it interesting but find the concept of punishment beyond simple expression of disappointment / discussion on remedy to be to be hard to grasp. I get why it MIGHT correct behavior in a relationship, and I get have had it explained that is is negotiated and consensual (and hopefully proportionate to the infraction in some sense), but it makes me feel that I just don’t get why people on the sub side want to enter such a relationship if they have to face significant pain or similar discomfort (even if negotiated), even if they want to serve their dom, or if they want to feel controlled. It’s not punishment itself that I don’t get but the mindset that makes a sub willing to receive it.

    Why does a sub would AGREE to receive punishment in the first place. Does the Dom insist on it for a relationship in the first place and the sub caves? Or does sub want it himself/herself to feel controlled/protected? Other reason? I get some sense that subs “trust” the Dom (trust is always emphasized, and I’ve seen it articles in the context of getting punished), but that seems a given, almost tautological statement early in a relationship at least.. First time a sub is punished, how long have they been with their Dom to really trust them that much (and based on what?) to really believe that punishment is in their best mutual interests? Say I meet someone and agree they are my Dom after some meetings, is it really suitable to receive punishment anytime soon from them? Maybe the Dom is not so experienced him/herself either… can they really be so sure punishment will not blow up the relationship rather than reinforce it? Genuine trust, not just lip-service self-induced trust should take real time to develop, even in a previous love relationship (I’ve seen husbands and wives entering into BDSM relationships who trust each other in general, but bdsm-wise initially, does the new Dom really know what is best so soon?) … Maybe over a long time deeper trust can grow allowing that they feel punishment is for a good reason, but I see (read of) people being punished 2 months in to their relationship based on rules… can someone really have that much trust after say 2 months? I almost sense (undeserved?) Dom-worship in some of these cases. In other cases the punishments seem for trivial reasons (e.g. I walked away from my Dom in public when I was angry so I get hit hard with a paddle 20 times). I get that there are rules but why is punishment viewed as so necessary vs. discussion or simple rebuke to correct a problem in a relationship that both people presumably want?

    The concept just seems so nasty to me and makes me think it would turn me off to wanting to submit if I had such inclinations.
    I have read blogs where married people try to step up to a 24/7 relationship and punishment enters in and the wife really ends up resenting it, causing stress and strain the marriage that previously did not have it pre-BDSM… so I wonder if it is as wise and smart as everyone thinks. Or that I just can’t REALLY understand what the emotional/thought process is of a submissive, so maybe I am blowing smoke here completely.

    Even if a sub wants to “be a good sub” in some grand sense of moulding to their dom and being better then they would “naturally” be (but why? isn’t what they are good enough?), do people really think they need to be painfully hit (even if at agreed levels for agreed reasons) for infractions?

    Can’t they instead be spoken to like the adults they are, the disappointment expressed? I have seen at least some views that this is the case, but for some reason it seems the extreme minority viewpoint when I read online.

    In my vanilla relationship if I anger my wife, she will tell me and I understand that I need to change (if genuine complaint) without her hitting me. Of course it is a two-way street in our case. But even if not 2-way in a power exchange relationship, why not the ability to talk the problem through and express disappointment rather than being violent/inducing pain? Play is not violent, but physical punishment by definition (to me) is violent, inflicting discomfort or hurt. As such it does not seem to me to be respectful of the subs submission… Is it perhaos some part of a kink on the part of the sub or the Dom to punish rather than use positive reinforcement instead? D/s supposedly is separate from kink WITHIN D/s itself, but I wonder if perhaps punishment is some kind of kink itself. Forgive me if I am seeing this wrong, or enlighten me, as I am not trying to be insulting, but as someone who is not submissive myself, this element is the one I struggle most with so far which makes me realize that I just can’t fathom the thinking that goes into entering this.

    On a separate note, at least the article above says to use a safe word, so sub can “limit the damage” if they are brave enough and feeling too much pain to bear…and it implies the safeword can be used during a punishment. But I have seen articles where people say this should not be allowed either during a punishment. That seems INSANE to me, even with “prior consent.” Not to mention dangerous if something goes wrong. Some articles show how the sub has final control and the the relationship is supposed to be pleasant both (“I can stop anything with a single safe word… no problem, it lets me escape my daily grind” kind of thing). But it doesn’t seem to gel vs reading articles like this one, this is not role-playing for fun except perhaps at a very deep level… it all seems so, well, serious here… please offer opinions, we vanillas could learn a lot from it I think!

    Thanks

    • LadyCrimzon says:

      Not every D/s relationship needs punishment. I agree with everything you say. My Sir and I don’t have them. I submit because I want to. We have agreed upon rules and guidelines and my word is my bond. If something he asks can’t be done, we discuss as adults. Some Submissive’s want to be “made” to do things. If you “make” me do something, I will resent you. Doesn’t work for me.
      Thanks for your comment!

  4. Do you have articles related to how I can use my voice to drive home a punishment

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