A Bouncing Babygirl Is Born…And She’s 43

Photographer: Matthias Wallmeier
Model: Miss Fetilicious

She wakes up at the crack of dawn so she can slurp down a cup of coffee while she’s making the kid’s lunches. She hustles herself into a corporate skirt and blouse that makes her feel like a smaller version of a man with a great rack. After working eight hours, she catches the tail end of the soccer game in time to cheer on her daughter’s game-winning goal. Then there is the homework, the nagging about chores, and a quick shower to wash off the day. Her phone goes off just as she snuggles into bed. Her response is that of an excited little girl, “Daddy!”

She is a mom, a professional, a babygirl…and she’s 43.

Who is it that you envision as a babygirl?” Most people think of a woman under 25, rather inexperienced in kink, having a “little” personality, and is attracted to men twenty years+ older than her. These men must be seeking validation that they still “got it.” The reality is entirely different than this stereotype.

As you look across the kink landscape, you will find more and more middle-aged women identifying with this role. I was curious as to why this is so. The answers I’ve uncovered did not surprise me. Older women exploring kink are discovering that their submissive sides have been left hidden from view for too long. Once they find out how much of their lives they have been forced to dominate to survive; they gravitate to the role that allows them to escape into the arms of safety and acceptance with a trusted partner. Enter the Daddy.

This turn of events is really no surprise. By the 1970’s, divorce became more socially acceptable.

http://www.attorneys.com/divorce/why-have-divorce-rates-increased-over-time.

This also coincided with women beginning to gain more respect in the workplace and receive better pay. However, this sparked many daughters viewing the mother and father as inequitable partners in parenting.

We tend to repeat what we have experienced in our lives. If we encountered a devil-may-care weekend father; we tend to marry one. With a 50% divorce rate, we also tend to divorce one. So, the end result of all the disbanded families in the 70’s and 80’s is a whole lot of exhausted and stressed out single mothers currently in their 40’s and 50’s. The DD/bg dynamic allows these women the time and space to be nurtured by a Daddy and balanced out the emotional equation.

Also, the concept of the weekend father or “Disneyland Dad” that saw their children during the weekends and vacations proliferated during this time. With little time to spend with their kids, these dads ended up with very little of the parenting responsibility.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-deal-when-your-ex-is-a-disneyland-dad_us_560eba3de4b0dd85030bc726

It stands to reason that these cultural changes affected the relationships daughters established with their fathers. With fewer opportunities to bond and learn from fathers, these now middle-aged women yearn for a connection to fill in these gaps. The Daddy type figure allows a babygirl a “do over” in this part of her life. This opportunity provides greater awareness and healing of emotional wounds.

These two norms in our society reinforced the mother doing most of or all the emotional heavy lifting when it comes to rearing children. By being raised by these moms; many women in their 40’s have mirrored their mother’s experience. They have witnessed firsthand the mother that “does it all” and have repeated the experience by choice or by circumstance. Once a single mother attempts to “do it all”; there is precious little time for her emotional needs.

These men (Daddies) are, by and large, the exact opposite of the husbands many of these women have left behind. They enjoy all the trappings of being a Daddy. Secure in both their masculinity and their ability to nurture; many of these Daddy types revel in the ability to be both affectionate with their babygirl and bend her over their knee to receive their punishments. These men represent the sanctuary these women need to let go of the reins of all of their responsibilities and tap into the little girl inside.

The DD/bg dynamic also plays upon a universal taboo. Our fathers are usually the first man a girl falls in love with. Those normal feelings can sometimes carry shame deep inside especially if any sort of molestation or abandonment issues are present. Someone scarred by such events may find the act of confronting taboo feelings thru role play to be a much healthier outlet for processing than the drugs and alcohol that seem to plague our beleaguered population.

Many of these men are at least a decade older than their babygirls. This age difference frequently means that the man’s children are grown, and he can provide more emotional focus on his babygirl. He can lend his wisdom to her when she is faced with parenting dilemmas he has already tackled.  Lastly, as we all age, we tend to discard the necessity to worry ourselves with trivialities. An older Daddy type is more apt to be concerned about a woman’s mind and heart than the expanding middle of a woman during perimenopause.

Culturally, women who have “little” personalities need safe outlets to express this intimate part of their identity. Daddies are more than willing to provide a haven of stuffies, glitter, and coloring books just to see the stars light up in their babygirl’s eyes. The Daddy is getting a respite from his troubles as well. The power exchange is clearly defined, and Daddy knows how to please the innocent nature of a little. When grown up stuff gets to be too taxing for these couples, this sort of play provides relief and deepens the foundation of their relationship.

Many of today’s babygirls spend many days and nights nurturing children, paying the bills, eating last night’s takeout from the carton in front of the fridge, and yearning for moments of complete abandonment from all  the trappings of being an adult. If she’s lucky, she has Daddy’s arms to retreat to and explore all the delicious facets that make her a treasured babygirl.


About the Author

LaBellePutain discovered her love of writing and her submissive side during a tumultuous divorce in 2011. From 2011 to 2015, she honed her skills as a writer and explored her sexuality and love of BDSM. Her adventures as a sex-positive single mother have also been featured in Scary Mommy and several personal blogs.

You can find her adventures in divorce and dating at http://cynthiaprose.blogspot.com/

Her musings as she finds and fixes her middle-aged shit can be found at https://medium.com/@CJBleau

The really smutty stuff can be found on Fetlife at https://fetlife.com/users/1076417

Her memoir chronicling her evolutionary 40’s, Good Girl Bad, is set to be released in early 2019. If she can ever get her act together…

Comments

  1. Christmas_bunny says:

    This is an excellent piece! It makes so much sense, and it is well-based in fact, with references! Lovely job!

  2. MissBehavingJae says:

    This is brilliant!

  3. GlassMenagerie says:

    Great article!! Gave me some food for thought for sure.

  4. Totally articulated Daddy and me. Explained things so much better than I ever could have. Thank you thank you thank you!!

  5. Great article!! It completely reflects my life (although my Daddy is only 2 years not 10+ older). I was trying to explain the dynamic to a friend just yesterday. This will help! Thanks!

  6. This is an excellent and well informed piece. Thank you for writing and hopefully easing misconceptions some may have.

  7. So what about the sissy that’s looking for a Daddy type? Where do we fit in in the scene? Maybe because of the divorce I never had the Daddy figure either? Just wondering.

  8. I’m a part time Daddy to a wonderful babygirl. Its always a great dynamic and innocent bonding when she goes into little space.

  9. Excellently written and informative. I never considered why a Daddy would want this lifestyle and realuzed, as stated in your article, that they missed out in being a parent as much as the driven adult woman missed out on being allowed to forego unrelentless adulthood.
    I would live to have a daddy someday and while I thought I was well aware of the dynamics’ this gave me a new perspective, thanks!

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