How To Be A Dom For Him on His Birthday

This is a simple guide intended for all those subbie/bottom chicks who have a sorta switchie/kinda dom boyfriend who has asked you to “dom” him for a night.

I know. He wants this but you have no idea what to do. And that huge group for submissive women is no help whatsoever because no one in it is allowed to speak from a top perspective. (Seriously, this is why you should be a member of my Give It To Me Straight group.)

You’re not accustomed to holding the cane, the flogger, the wooden spoon, etc, except to hand it to him when he tells you to. You don’t have the foggiest idea where to begin even though he’s done this stuff to you a thousand times.

Here’s a step by step guide that will hit all the important points and get you through the first scene. Yes, it’s partially tongue-in-cheek. It’s also a solid scene for a baby sadist or budding new top.

Today is your switchy dom’s birthday and you want to do something special for him!


Items you will need: 

1 Wooden spoon

1 Velvet glove

No, really, that’s it. I believe in simplicity.

Pre-negotiation — I don’t believe in negotiating things to the nth degree. If he wants you to “dominate” him, then he’s just going to have to shut up and submit to what you will do. However, be sure to make him agree that he will NOT issue any reprisals. He asked you for this.

Step 1. Get wooden spoon from kitchen.

Step 2. Tell him to bare his ass and bend over.

Note: Steps 1 and 2 can be done in reverse order if you want to see him bent over with his ass and balls hanging out while you take your time getting the spoon. Pour yourself a glass of water while you’re in there. There’s no hurry. You know very well that the anticipation of what is to come can be very exciting.

Step 3. Start whapping his but at a moderate speed and force. When he whimpers and whines, call him a sissy boy and tell him to shut up.

Step 4. If he wiggles his butt, tell him wiggling means you’ll hit harder. And then DO hit harder if he wiggles again.

Step 5. Put on velvet glove.

Step 6. Give the balls hangin’ there a good feelsie and a squeeze. Not enough to get him off, but enough to get him hard.

Step 7. Turn wooden spoon around so you’re holding the spoon end and the handle becomes a short cane. Continue whapping the butt. Top, middle, bottom. You know that spot you hate, where the thigh meets the buttocks? Yeah, get him there really good.

Step 8. Tell him that anything he sticks out is going to get whapped. When he changes the arc of his back to stick his balls out, whap them.

Note: Give him a few seconds after a particularly hard whap. Give the spot a little rub and say “Awwww poor baby. Did that hurt?” When he says yes, correct him to say “Yes, Ma’am” or “Yes, Mistress.” Then give his balls an unexpectedly hard whap.

Step 9. Ask him if he is liking all this. When he says yes, correct him to say “Yes, Ma’am” or “Yes, Mistress.” Then give his balls an unexpectedly hard whap. If he says no, correct him to say “No, Ma’am” or “No, Mistress”, and ask him if he’s wimping out of the birthday present he asked you for. If he says yes, then you are off the hook for ever having to do this again. He will have learned the lesson. If he says he’s not wimping out, continue to the next step.

Step 10. Add a brief interrogation to the scene. Spend a couple minutes asking simple questions and making him answer and address you as Ma’am or Mistress. Now would be a good time to ask him something that you’ve wanted to know. Did he drink from the milk carton as you suspected? Did he eat the last of the ice cream? Why do your panties come up missing and suddenly reappear in the dirty clothes? Whatever thing you’ve noticed, now is the time to find out.

Step 11. If at any point he says something along the lines of “do this” or “do it like that” then you take him by the top of the ear and squeeze tightly so that your nails dig in a little. Pull his head back toward you and scowl into his ear *”shut up unless you want this to stop.”*

Repeat steps 3 through 11 as necessary until he’s a blithering puddle of goo saying “Thank you, Ma’am” at your feet. 

Step 12. If he gets mouthy, saying you’re not hitting hard enough, make him wait while you go into the kitchen. Get your smallest frying pan and use that as a paddle instead. He’ll stop mouthing off.

When you’re done, sit down with wooden spoon (or frying pan) in your hand and tell him to go make you a glass of wine. 

While he is gone, you pick up the remote control and turn on the television to whatever show you want to watch. Don’t ask if he minds. It’s not for him to mind. He’s your submissive during this time. Watch what you want, for as long as you want.

Make him crouch on the floor at your feet rather than letting him sit on the sofa next to you. Anytime he opens his mouth to say he doesn’t like the show, tell him to go get you something. Your slippers, your robe, another glass of wine, a sandwich.

Or put your foot in his face, tell him to shut his mouth and give you a foot massage. If he asks for aftercare, tell him “THIS is the aftercare. Shut up and keep rubbing.”

You will probably want to let him off the hook after the foot massage. By then, I’m sure he will have had his fill for the year.

If he wants you to do this multiple times through the year, you can add in things like making him lick your puss, kiss your foot, lick your shoe, make and bring you tea or coffee…or a sammich. 

If he makes the tea or sammich incorrectly, you can tell him to bend over on the floor so you can use him as a footstool. He can’t make a decent sammich, so obviously his only good use is as a piece of furniture.

You can make him do the laundry, scrub the toilet, do the dishes, sweep the floor, mop the floor. You can make this fun by chasing him around with a longer cane while he does them. A $5 oak dowel from Home Depot will do you just fine. They’re about three feet long and work perfectly well so long as you don’t swing like you’re chopping down a tree.

One of two things will result from this session. Either he will NEVER ask you to top or dom him ever again because he wasn’t careful what he wished for, or he will completely flip sides and want you to be the dom from now on. In the bedroom *and* out.

While there is a middle ground of the two of you regularly switching roles in the bedroom, that middle ground isn’t usually where things end up.

Above all…



* Note: The word dom/dominant is used for simplicity, because that is what most people who don’t know any better use when they really mean top.



TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She is an award-winning author who has written two “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and twentysomething fiction books.

Twitter — or @DameTyler
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Read her books on her Amazon page —

You can also find more of her OP/ED work in Fetlife:

She enjoys crocheting and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.


  1. firefairy says:

    interesting topic

  2. genderbender101 says:

    For sure! 😛

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