Kink and Community: Our Responsibility


  • Knowing My Origins


Having been an active participant in the BDSM lifestyle and my local BDSM scene for the better part of the last decade, I am still and forever always learning new things. My years of experience have taught me quite a bit and, though I still find myself falling somewhere in between “newbie” and “seasoned”, I definitely have wisdom to share. Today, I would like to discuss the responsibility that we all share as members of the BDSM community. Though there is a great deal of warmth and welcoming to be found within the BDSM community, there is also a lot of predatory and toxic behavior. As members of such a thriving and eclectic community, it is our responsibility to take care of and look out for one another.


  • The Pitfalls of Power Exchange


Far too often, I’ve seen those new and eager to join the scene being preyed upon. I see people boasting of their expertise, making claims that far outweigh their actual experience and using this to justify pursuing complex and intense relationship dynamics with others who take their word at face value without knowing any better. I see submissives overcome by “sub-frenzy” who jump into TPE (total power exchange) dynamics without a second thought. I see tops utilizing unsafe practices and putting the well-being of their bottoms at risk. And I’ve had enough.


  • A Call to Action


I am aware of the fact that I am merely one individual. I know I cannot possibly go around policing the entirety of my local scene. This is why I am calling upon you, dear readers, to help. I am advocating for education and communication above all. As is said, “If you see something, say something.” This is a call to members of the BDSM community to speak out if you become aware of unsafe practices. To politely advise friends new to the scene to learn more about it before jumping in with both feet.To seek to educate those lacking in experience who are willing to learn. And some advice for those new to the scene: Know your resources and use them. Attending munches is a great way to meet people in a vanilla setting and getting outside of a play space to speak to people will help you find individuals that you can trust. I have found that, when play is off the table and people can just talk to one another without being pressured into a scene, it is incredibly beneficial and can lead to making lasting connections.


  • Final Thoughts


Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) as well as Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) are the foundations to practicing BDSM in a more positive and enlightened way. So many of us have the BDSM community to thank for being a large part of our lives and our journeys of self-discovery and self-love. If we all work together and support each other, the community will thrive all the more.

About the Author

Dee Voyse is a proud kinkster who has been active in the BDSM scene for over a decade. She enjoys sharing her experiences in order to inform and educate and, at times, titillate.


  1. heartysailor says:

    PRICK people!

  2. croppedcutie says:

    What’s that?

  3. I totally agree with the writer of this blog article. I have been experiencing the same thing with my subbies so I am going to be holding workshops for newbies going over the lifestyle from online dating to be collared from an Alpha and Beta point of view.

  4. Dame TylerRose. says:

    Personally Responsible, Informed, Consensual Kink

    It means that YOU are responsible for the crap YOU get yourself into.

    You are responsible for learning about the things you’re going to get into. You understand the ramifications of what you’re asking to do. If means you have made sure your partner understands the ramifications of what they’ve asked to do.

    You are responsible for saying NO when you should say no. (whether you are the top or the bottom)

    YOU are responsible for saying stop when you should say stop. (whether you are the top or the bottom)

    It means YOU are responsible for YOU.

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