The Value of Resets


Sometimes in life we need to take a breather. It’s very innate for most people to want to barrel forward, and keep going despite their own emotional hang ups. But I have found, especially in a power exchange dynamic, it is so helpful to take a pause/reset to regroup, so service can be restored. Taking a pause allows individuals to gain a better understanding about the issue, and take time to nurture each other back into a calmer state. Resets can also be used for apologies, discussing new plans of action, and to simply hold each other during tough times. It’s so important to make time to truly talk and be with one another.

We want to get things done so quickly, so we can have time to be with our partners. But sometimes we get overwhelmed, and “the being together part” gets lost in the shuffle.

In any kind of power exchange dynamic, it can be a challenge for the s type to get back into service and/or focus on the dynamic, when vanilla problems strike. It’s easy for people to fall into old habits, for certain protocols to go out the window, and for life to get the best of anyone. Resets are one way to help keep this from happening.

Resets are any change in one’s body position or room that provide an individual a way to take a step back from the situation and breathe.  In our home, sometimes, resets are just stopping what we are doing to lie on the bed and talk. Sometimes, they are meditating. Sometimes, they are Master ordering me to serve him or please him in a specific fashion. Resets should be used to center all people involved, and should be different for different circumstances. They can also be a way to show one’s emotional strength. Instead of allowing yourself to break down, you can rise above your emotions, and serve or master/dom effectively.

I suffer from a lot of anxiety, and it’s very easy for that to affect my service. I often feel overwhelmed from stressors (some real and others just in my head), which can sometimes make it a challenge to serve the way I want to. Because of this, my Master and I have found that taking a reset really helps me get back into my slave headspace. Taking a reset helps provide me with relief, and allows me to get back what truly matters, which is serving my Master. It also shows me that my Master sympathizes with my stress, and wants to try to calm me down the best he can.

I remember one time, I was so upset I thought I was going to have a break down. Instead of Master letting me sit and collapse in a puddle of tears, he ordered me to crawl to the bedroom. At first, I thought, “I can’t do this.” But, I mustered up the strength, and calmed myself enough, to crawl like he asked. After I accomplished this, I felt like I was much stronger than I had given myself credit for. I was elated because I was able to put my own mental drama aside, and serve my Master.

Resets are most effective if the D type knows the s type’s emotions really well, and knows where their partner can be realistically pushed. The D type needs to have a firm grasp on what the s type needs/can handle in an emotional moment. Without this kind of understanding, the D type could push the s type into something way over his or her head. And no one wants that to happen.

I would suggest that D types and s types learn as much as they can about each other emotionally. This takes time, a lot of communication, and observation.

In our household, both myself and my Master can call for a reset at any time. This helps us both hold each other accountable, and helps us take care of each other emotionally. Sometimes, it’s difficult for me to cater to myself emotionally/mentally, so it really helps to have another person looking out for me.

In short, resets can be used to help de-escalate stressful moments, bring the couple closer together, and can provide a comfortable way to talk about anything that needs to be discussed. Resets also help prevent tense situations from getting out of hand, while keeping the dynamic intact.

In my experience, resets are incredibly valuable. I can’t imagine not having them in our home.

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

Along with being a part of the Kink Weekly team, she will be teaching Kink classes all over the Los Angeles area this year, and is also proud to announce that she will be presenting two workshops at the BDSM Writers Con in Seattle and New York.

Slave Bunny graduated Magna Cum Laude with a degree in Psychology and has ample experience in the mental health field. She is also a NASM certified personal trainer and was declared “One of the Top Five Personal Trainers in the LA District” in 2016.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.


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