Is This Your Community or Not?

Long before the virus broke fully out, I had my own ideas about social gatherings, touching, close quarter playing and more. To be honest, I don’t really like being in an enclosed space with sweaty people and body fluids. Beyond my general dislike for my own sweat, let alone someone else’s, I’ve witnessed quite a lot of hot topics for me over the years:

  • Kinksters not wiping down equipment before AND after use (yes, I said before – don’t assume!)
  • Play parties with no real protection being offered whether that be condoms, chux, or even disinfecting wipes – this is a lot of house parties
  • Themed gatherings focused on kissing/fluid exchange with total strangers
  • Events that have lackluster cleaning standards and more…

You will notice, I also rarely eat at a kinky event. Hands? Balls? Sweat…Cheetos? Need I say more? Call me what you will, but I really, really hate germs. The difference before was that I felt safe having the tools I needed to make myself feel “clean” after leaving said events or germ-ridden encounters.

Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying here: I sweat like a fat girl who has run a 5k during most of my scenes, I spit in my sub’s face, I’ve done “dirty germ-ridden” things in what I felt were a more controlled environment.

What I am saying now to the kink community is, we’ve effectively lost control.

It’s not necessarily due to anything on our part, but on a whole, globally, control of cleanliness and sanitation has been lost. Even in our little bubble of kink, we still exist on a global scale. The frantic, herd mentality, end-of-times bulk purchasing of soap, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, and paper towels is an ill-executed attempt from individuals to regain some semblance of control right now. It’s a scary time in the world of COVID-19 – the invisible, nearly undetectable, virus that is infecting, and claiming innocent lives of humans sadly, even as I type this. Everything we’re doing right now is driven by fear and fear is often faceless but breathes down our necks like a hot high-noon summer sun. It can make us delirious and irrational in our actions.

The normal distribution system we are used to is like a well-orchestrated ballet and right now we are so out of tune and out of sync.

Without being too cruel, I’d like to challenge everyone to look within their own community as it stands. Forget, the king of the hill tactics of imaginary seated “leaders”, there are no true leaders in this community. The quicker we can admit that, the better we’ll be. We have no authority to appoint such. We may follow, like, and attend classes on topics and with presenters and organizations we like but none of us are “in charge”. That’s why it’s doubly important that you, as one person, in your own community look at the actions of those around you closely.

I am in no way surprised that in the Washington, DC metro area (and across the country) there are still foolish party promoters, douchey event planners, and dumb and dumber participants still holding on to the notion that kinky parties, and physical socializing are acceptable.

Anyone who is attempting to promote, organize, or attend a kinky event as of March 15th does not care about your community. 

It’s not their community, because if it was they’d know better. It’s your community and it’s your responsibility to step up and show out where needed to boot kick these irresponsible idiots into the center of our “town square”. Not only is it predatory in nature to promise the people something you know they want but shouldn’t have, it’s immoral to continue to ignore the advice of specialists who are far more qualified to tell us that gatherings including hallmarks of kink should be halted.

I like kink. It’s a part of my everyday life, no matter how small. I know how much everyone just wants things to go back to normal, how much people just “really need” to be spanked, why some people’s carnal desires are like an itch that can’t be scratched right now. I can understand how dynamics and relationships of all sorts are being put to the absolute test by social distancing and self isolation but…

Is this your community or not?

Do you give a damn? Maybe two? Then stay the f**k inside. No matter how horny you get. Speak up about events that should NOT be happening. Ban members for the future who have shown their true colors during this time. Remove the silly notion that “leaders” within the community know what’s best and just follow common sense and the advice of the World Health Organization (WHO). The sooner we stand together and say ‘NO’ to events and “kinksters” that threaten the fabric of humanity and in turn, our subculture of BDSM, the sooner we can recover together and pick up the pieces. You can still have kinky fun without ever leaving your house such as

We are no longer (and never really were honestly) bound by our geographical location. And if there ever was a time to support your local clubs, dungeons, boards, munches, and community virtually by way of donating what you can (large or small) or offering volunteer services when (and if!) they are able to get back up and running, that time is now.

Again, the time is now. If we want a community for tomorrow, we must think about our actions today, or else the community we knew will be nothing but a distant memory.

About the Author

d20domme is unapologetically kinky after over 10 years in the community. She is known as pint-height, poly(androus), plus-size, POC, 24/7 Femdom who knows what she wants and will use her craft in mindfuckery and persuasive viper tongue to get it. Her main kink is normalizing kinky lifestyles across the board and thus she can often be found writing on her blog From Mundane To Mistress, chatting away on podcasts, teaching classes, demos, or presenting locally in the Washington, DC area, New York, and sometimes across the pond in Europe.


  1. likeadom says:

    great stuff

  2. ghostofyou says:


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