The Truth About Your Privacy At Public Events

  1. If you go to a munch, or other event, your privacy is assured.

There was a writing I saw on a Fet site, of people getting all up in arms because someone attending a munch told other people in the restaurant what the group was about. 

Seems people thought that a public munch, in a public restaurant, on a public street, somehow afforded them anonymity and personal privacy. 

They didn’t like it at all when I pointed out that the wait staff knew all about them and was probably talking about them in the kitchen the entire time. Every time the group holds their munch in that place. 

Not to mention the fact that, if they’d paid their tab with a credit card, the restaurant had their legal names too. No one I know has a Mastercard or a Visa in their scene name.

People like to delude themselves into thinking they’re not out, that they are completely anonymous. Well, guess what? If you go to a public event, any public event, you’re out

You’re not anonymous anymore. You lost your anonymity the second you stepped into the venue and joined that group.

Recently there was a rope demonstration at the Museum of Sex here in NYC. Pictures were taken after people were told not to take pictures. Some NYC SM scene attendees were up in arms over what they saw as a breach of protocol and privacy.

Here’s the thing. It was the press taking pictures. 

Because it was a publicly attended event, they may have taken pictures of the audience too. It’s perfectly legal. There’s nothing anyone can do about it because there is no expectation of privacy at a publicly attended event.

That means those professional pictures will be wherever they are sold. Newspapers, magazines, websites, etc. 

Sure, people can complain to the Museum of Sex. What will the museum do? Tell those people not to attend such events in the future…or they might decide not to hold those types of events in the future. Neither of those outcomes is all that positive. 

In the end, the people complaining will only have made an uptight nuisance of themselves. 

Apparently I’m the only person who realizes that NO EVENT HELD IN A PUBLIC PLACE IS EVER GOING TO BE PRIVATE. Your anonymity goes out the door when you walk through it to take your seat.

If you go to a Broadway show, you are told to turn off and put cellphones away. No pictures. The press can still take pictures if they are present. Doesn’t matter if the big booming voice said “NO PICTURES!!!” The person with the press tag can take them if they want. They can use a flash if they need to. That’s why they’re there in the first place. 

They are authorized. Audience members aren’t. If you’re in the audience, you’re fair game to have your picture taken and used however the photographer and the venue choose. 

If the Museum of Sex wants to have the press present at their neato rope demonstration with that famous name rigger, they can do that. They don’t have to inform you before you buy your ticket, or when you arrive. It’s assumed you realize these things.

If the person with the camera wants to take pictures of the audience, they can do that too. They don’t have to ask you first. There is no “scene etiquette” at the Museum of Sex because this is NOT a scene venue run by scene promoters who understand scene issues of personal privacy. This is a public venue and there is no such thing as personal privacy. 

If you read the fine print of your ticket closely enough, you may even see a disclaimer that attendance is your permission to have your picture taken and used in their brochures and advertisements. You know, like the audience at concerts becomes part of the music video of the live show.

It’s not reasonable to expect “scene level” personal privacy from a demonstration at the Museum of Sex. They advertise their exhibits on the subway and to the tourists.

“Scene level” personal privacy is itself a lie. 

I don’t expect any privacy when I’m walking into my preferred dungeon. The address and the word CLUB are on the door…and you know damn well that everyone who lives on that street KNOWS the club is down there. They know what that club is all about because people in leather and latex are standing outside smoking, being loud, and keeping people awake at ass O’clock in the morning.

Are people sitting up in their apartments with a camera trained on the door, to see who goes in?

Probably not. 

Is anyone taking pictures for evidence…or their own private voyeurism kink?

I’m sure not. 


When it comes to matters of personal privacy, when walking into public venues, you’re safer to assume there IS NO personal privacy.

Make your decisions accordingly.


TylerRose. is known as Dame Tyler in the NYC public SM/Fetish scene. She’s been doing this BDSM stuff for 30 years in private and 10 years in public venues. She is an award-winning author who has written two “lifestyle”, four cartoon, and twenty fiction books that you can find on Amazon.

You can read the rest of the 50 lies in Amazon:

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She enjoys crochet, coffee, and baking, and will no doubt die with a thesaurus open on her thigh.


  1. feralkitty says:

    great things to know and account for

  2. nightmaregal says:

    I always go by an alias. It helps me to feel safe

  3. I have to agree. At one of my regular munches I told the venue older months ago what our group meetings was about and most of the staff know as well. If you’re going to meet regularly there will eventually be questions. You can lie, beat around the bush, or flat out refuse to provide info but the venue is also within it’s rights to say get out and never come back.

    Better to be as upfront as possible then to lurk in the shadows.

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