Don’t Scream- Part 1


You told me not to scream.  That thought plays in my head constantly.  What would have happened had I not listened?  Honestly, I’m not even sure it’s not just a coincidence.

Maybe I should back up a little.

I was headed out.  I’ve taken to nightly walks after work.  After I got home, I went down to my room, changed into shorts, a tank top, and a pair of running shoes.

I came upstairs to kiss you goodbye.  Just like I always do.

You gave me my kisses, three to be exact.  Because kisses always come in threes.

I told you I love you.  You smiled at me with the most curious eyes.  When I smiled back, you replied that you loved me to.

I was almost out the door when I heard you say, “Don’t scream.”. I stopped and turned for a second, seeing you standing in the doorway.  

My eyebrows furrowed and I looked at you.  Looking back, I can’t promise that’s what you actually said.  But I didn’t ask for clarification.

I know how much you hate repeating yourself.

So, I left.  

I took off down the block.  Our town is small, maybe ten city blocks.  It’s quiet and everyone says it is a nice place to live.

I’ve met very few of our neighbors, but I feel comfortable walking to the library by myself.  It’s a quick walk and gives me some time to distress after the long day.

I made it to the library, if it could be called that.  It’s more like an office with a few bookcases, but beggars can’t be choosers.  

I didn’t find anything of interest this time.  As I left, I decided to keep walking.  I headed back home but curved off a block early, veering towards one of the back roads.  It doesn’t lead to much.  A few recycle spots, but I admit to a curiosity.  I enjoy dumpster diving; provided I don’t get caught.

I was about halfway there when the darkness came.  A solid cloth, almost like a thicker pillowcase, was thrown over my head and my body was heaved into something.  

Is it bad to admit that in that moment, I was more focused on the fact that someone picked me up so easily than I was about the fact I was being abducted?

I can only assume it was a van.  The way my body hit the side without touching a seat, meant it had to be an open space.  For the record, Sir, it hurts.  

I didn’t scream.

My hands are frantically trying to get the cloth off.  I’m feel like I’m going to suffocate.  

My wrists were grabbed and pulled away.  My arms are straight out, holding at shoulder height.  I’m struggling and pulling and kicking as my hands are held in place by some type of contraption.  

Why can’t I move Sir?  How are they doing this?  Why aren’t you here?

Whoever is near me, or has me, slaps me hard enough to turn my head.  They can’t see it, but I’ve bit my lip.

But I don’t scream.

I need to bide my time Sir.  I wonder how long until you realize I’m gone.  Will you believe I’ve taken off?  Will you wait for hours before you seek me out?  

Or are you behind this?  Are you the reason I am restrained in this darkness?  Are you the reason all I can hear is he gravel under the tires as I’m driven far from home?  Do you know these people?  I know there are at least two.  One is driving and one is the one who trapped me.  How many are here?  Will there be more wherever we stop?

I’ve been silent so far.  I don’t know if that is a good thing or not.  But, it’s automatic Sir.  When I’m home, with You, and the hood comes out, I lose my ability to speak.  It calms my mind so quickly.  

When the hood is on, all I am to do is listen.

Here, my lessons are mixing with the unknown.  Will I be in trouble because I didn’t fight back?  Will you be mad that my rules unconsciously applied to a situation outside Your control?  I’ve trusted you with my whole being Sir. I’ve given You the rights to do as you please without needing my active consent. Is that what is happening? Have you conditioned me for this type of play?  Have you given me away?  

Have you…?

My mind is wandering Sir.  I’m finding it hard to focus now.  The makeshift hood is fucking with my mind.  I’m trying hard to pay attention. I’m trying to take in as much as I can. My body is relaxing Sir.  I’ve been conditioned to this.  

What is happening to me?

The hardest part is when something presses against my ears.  Suddenly, the sound of the gravel has disappeared.  So has the hum of the vehicle.  

My heartbeat is louder.  Blood rushes through my ears like white water rapids.  I’m panicking Sir.  But I don’t know how to respond.  I’m trying to breathe through it. I’m building the safe room in my head Sir. Every fine detail is etched into my mind. I keep waiting for your hand to grip my hair.  I want your fingertips to run across my jaw before you smack me. I want your comfort Sir.  

But You aren’t here.

The hood keeps me quiet, even when I shouldn’t be.  The silence makes me afraid.  I’ve always been open about my fear.  I talk so much because I am afraid of the in between.  I don’t like the quiet.  It hurts.  

Still, I do not scream.

I’m ashamed of myself Sir.

I fell asleep.  While being abducted.  By strangers.

I fucking fell asleep.

I only wish I could explain it to you.  For you to understand how much I fight my narcolepsy each day and how much I think I’m broken when I can’t.

It was a perfect mix of conditions.  I sat in the dark, surrounded by the vibrations of a moving car, and exhausted by the attempts to keep my panic at bay.  So, my body retreated to a safe place.  It went to sleep.

I didn’t know this of course Sir.  See, when I sleep, it’s like blinking.  I close my eyes and open them and somehow in those few seconds, hours have passed.  There is no rest.  No relief.  No dreams.

Course, blinking hurts a lot more when it is mixed with a few smacks to the face.  After all, I don’t expect kindness.  I don’t really expect anything from these strangers.

My cheek burns.  The person, who I am going to assume is male by the force of his slaps, favors my right side.  He has a fascination with backhanding me.  The hood mutes some of the pain, but it’s still there.

He woke me for a reason a least.  He wants me to walk.  Correction, he wants me to crawl.  As if I’m not angry enough I’m in this situation.  

I find it funny that the very things I do for you Sir, are being used against me here.

I hope the stranger didn’t expect me to go easy.  It took me months before I would even think about crawling for you.  He’s not getting something so precious.

It’s odd to me that the things that scare me most aren’t the obvious.  I’m not afraid of the possibility of being sexually used and abused.  I’m afraid of losing the precious moments of my submission.  The things I made you work for, the things I struggled with, and the things that took all your patience to let me succeed.  

I once told you I would crawl to no man.  It took nearly a year before I sank to my knees, the O ring on my collar between my teeth, as I followed you around the room at your whim.  I don’t want that tainted.  

I don’t want to lose myself because someone ignorant has taken leave with me.

The vehicle stopped.  He unhooked my wrist and I swung it towards him.  He caught it easily.  One palm holding my wrist and one around my neck, pinning me against the car wall.

“Try it again and I break it.”

He let me go and I gasped for breath.

They are going to break me Sir.  I may come back to You as little more than a box of broken glass…if I come back at all.  

To be continued…


About the Author

My name is Joji.  I am 29 years old currently and I have been in and around the kink community about 15 years.I am a collared submissive to Magick42.  I am also a Daddy to a wonderful babygirl, and have been for more than three years now and I find it very fulfilling.  I am being mentored in and being taught electroplay.  I am a masochist at heart and thoroughly love impact play, especially caning.  I enjoy reading anything I can get my hands on and am a die hard Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan.  I am also the secretary for a group in Idaho called Moscow S.P.A.R.K.E (Simply Providing Another Route to Kink Education).  It is our mission to teach safe practices to those new to the community and give them a safe haven to ask questions and learn without judgement.  We accept all kinks and all we ask in return is respect between all our members.

Comments

  1. I enjoyed your article. Thank you for making my day more exciting

  2. Completely agree!

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