Home was anywhere we wanted it to be. We were not lovers, not in this life or in any other, though not for a lack of trying. That was just not the dynamic we had. Our love was different, deeper. I belonged to her, mind, body and soul and she was mine, to protect, to worship, to follow and obey, no questions asked. We resonated with one another, two identical energies that found each other in the midst of their own entanglements.
At first I truly believed the universe had sent her to me as a gift to make up for the cards life had dealt me, as a reward for enduring my father’s many vices and my mother’s neglect. I would quickly realize that she was not a gift, no she was far more than that. She was the cure for my wretched life. She was to be the defining catalyst to save my soul.
She came to me as a child, she couldn’t have been more than twelve years old. She was a runaway trying to escape a wicked household, a father with unconventional indulgences, a mother who chased her pills with a bottle of vodka. Her face would flash red and her eyes would water as she told me stories of how daddy would kiss her and hug her as he tucked her into bed. Mommy never stopped him, she feared him too much and was more often than not too wasted to do anything about it in any case.
Children sure are impressionable, its amazing what they learn just by what they see. What’s more impressive is what a child is capable of once innocence has been taken from them. For years she suffered at the hands of her father, until she had had enough. With a streak knife stashed under her pillow she waited for her chance while daddy tucked her in. I remember her hands and her breathing as she recounted the story, they were calm and collected. She remained calm as she recalled the blood and look of horror on her fathers eyes as he tried desperately to stop the bleeding to no avail. With mommy passed out on the living room floor this was her chance! She ran, she ran like the devil himself was after her. She ran straight to me.
I often reminisce of the night our paths met. The night was still and the air was crisp and not a cloud in the sky. There was an uncomfortable lull in the usually hectic city. I had just settled into my usual spot in the alley behind an old bakery. I had just begun to doze off to sleep when the soft scuffs of her shoes woke me. She hummed a quiet tune and walked under the light of the full moon.
Something about her immediately captured me. Here was this child walking alone amongst a pack of wolves, skipping and humming as if it were a day in the park. The alley went silent, the scuffs stopped as did the humming. The silence made me uneasy. I peaked my head up to a pair of cold, still eyes looking back into mine. My heart skipped a beat and my skin crawled at her sudden presence her eyes were silent and void. Something about her called out to me, I had seen that look before, that lost delirium desperate for direction. She had already lived her life, everything from here on in was just filler. We were both just waiting to die.
A soft grin crept across her soft angel face. It was that smile that captured me. In that moment I became hers, there was nothing I wouldn’t do for her. I wanted to be whatever she needed me to be. I wanted to serve her in every and any capacity. I started into her eyes that promised me eternity. The night was at peace, her eyes softened as she reached out a hand and stroked my hair and scratched my head tenderly. Her head tilted to one side as she looked me over. She petted me again then with a voice as soft as silk she spoke.
“Puppy?” She asked hopefully as another smiled filled her face.
I took a deep breath and chose my words carefully as they would be my last.
“Anything and everything Miss desires” on that night I became her guard dog and she became my Master.
Vic Sharp is a switch living in San Diego. You can learn more about him here.