The First Rule Of Fight Club

There is an unspoken rule in most kink communities.

Identities are to be kept secret.

We may learn someone’s first name or about the type of work they do, but it is usually drilled into us early on in our admittance into the secret dungeons and kinky conventions that we are not to seek that information out.  If we are entrusted with it, that is one thing.  Asking someone about things which can potentially identify them outside of the kink community can be anything from grounds for gentle correction to expulsion from an event depending on the severity of the offense and the group in which the misstep occurs.

Why, though, are we so paranoid about personal information?

Well, in addition to Google, there are search engines specifically dedicated to locating people. They require three pieces of information. More gets you more accurate results, but three will do it.

Name: First or last, both gets you more accuracy.  This makes a real name the first danger should someone be attempting to keep their kink business separate and private from their vanilla life.

Location: State, though city gets you more accuracy. Ever wonder why so many people claim to be from Antarctica on kinky social media?  Because a location is an easy piece of the triad to obtain.

Employment: Yes, this can even include receiving unemployment, as that is a matter of public record. Obviously a business name is more accurate, but even their field of work can provide you with a hit.

Once you enter these in, guess what? You’ll be presented with last names, facebook profiles, and other social media account possibilities. You may even get home address for some of the people who hit as possibles. At that point, you can just narrow it down and it’s a matter of time.

Try it on yourself, I’ll wait. I looked up my first name combined with two other words. That was a pretty sobering realization to come to, I assure you.

When you say that a first name can do no harm, you’re only right insofar as it isn’t helpful on its own, unless particularly uncommon.  This is why most people use a scene name.

When someone entrusts you with their name, it isn’t an opportunity to share it with others.  That’s the kind of behavior which is usually universally frowned upon in our local communities.  When you release someone’s personal information, not only are you putting them in actual jeopardy (outing them to their employer, ex-spouse, stalkers, whoever), but you are violating their trust in you.  Even if you have nothing to lose, it isn’t your place to decide that for someone else.

So if someone introduces themselves as Apple, or bunny, or even Santa, please show them the respect of addressing them as they have chosen while within our community space.

If you engage with them outside of that space, for example, at a grocery store, do them the courtesy of either choosing not to approach, or by simply acknowledging them without using a name.  They may not have a ready explanation for why a stranger approached them calling them Apple.  It is best to avoid putting people in those positions.

Because the first rule of Fight Club?  Don’t talk about Fight Club.

About the Author

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.


  1. great piece

  2. floggedsilly says:

    extremely practical and valuable info

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