Partner Questing: Addressing Concerns Isn’t Always a Call to Action


I talk a lot to people I have close relationships with, whether they be friends, romantic interests, or actual partners.

The thing is, sometimes I talk to them because there is an issue which requires action.

Example:  Daddy, I’m feeling like I need attention. Would you mind putting down your tablet and just talking to me about nothing for a little while?

Obviously in this case, if He does nothing, there is potential for a problem later.  I’m asking for a specific action and He has to respond with that action in order to satisfy that request.  It’s like gaming.  If an NPC asks me for a flower, he is not going to be satisfied with another item from my inventory.  That quest will go unfilled.  Unfortunately, unlike gaming, if an accepted quest is left pending for too long with a partner, it can lead to Game Over.  (Hint:  you hit autoaccept on future happiness quests when you established the relationship, so no getting around it there.)

Fortunately the converse is also true.  If He completes the quest parameters, the continued happiness meter goes up, which can be used to counteract later happiness degeneration if a quest is too difficult to complete.

The thing is, sometimes I talk to my people about issues which require no action on their part.

Example:  Daddy, I had some feelings.  When you said you loved her, it gave me some pangs.  I spent some time reflecting, and it isn’t an issue, I just needed to work through it and wanted to let you know, because I believe in complete honesty.

The script?  In my head it was Hey, I had / have an issue, Imma or I have already worked through this, please reassure me that all is well and no action is required on your part.

But what happens when we confuse the two?

What if a call for action isn’t as clear and goes unheeded?

Example:  Daddy, I need you.

Verbal Response:  “Awww, I need you, too, baby.”

Well, that wasn’t what I asked for.  I didn’t specifically state what I wanted Him to do in order to complete the quest.  The end result was that I presented a quest and was not satisfied.  Resentment can begin making a home inside a person whose quest goes unfulfilled.

The other way around can be just as devastating.

Example:  Hey there, my sexy Overthinker.  I haven’t gotten as much attention from you lately as usual.  I know your work schedule just changed.  As long as everything is still good between us, I will adjust my expectations to match the new parameters of our relationship, with no action required on your part.  This is my issue and I will adjust.

In response, my partner gets anxious that I have presented an ultimatum.  The alternatives become continuing to keep all of their life plates spinning in the air, or to drop them all and have life come crashing in.

I become a liability, and they become distant, until the relationship finally dies a quiet death of asphyxiation.  One of us feels like a failure who could never have met such unreasonable demands, the other feels neglected, abandoned, and unloved.

This is why I will always encourage people to speak their truths as clearly as possible, as well as for people to hear what their partners are requesting.  The consequence of confusing the messages is really just pain.

Also, no one likes to leave old quests just hanging about in their quest log.  For goodness sake, just press the Abandon Quest button already and get on with it.


About the Author

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.

Comments

  1. betweenthesheets says:

    i love you and your work

  2. i completely agree with everything you are saying

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