Accepting the Humanity In Our Community

We all understand that we are imperfect creatures.  Whatever this mysterious “perfection” is, it is nothing attainable by humans.  Our art will not be exactly symmetrical, our live music will be flawed in some manner, and even our bodies are not reflective from one half to the other.

Yet we find beauty in symmetry, both in nature and in each other.  We hold up examples of humans who are more symmetrical as a standard of attractiveness.  We seek their perfection.

Yet it cannot truly be found.

Just so, none of us are examples of perfection in temperament.  We will make mistakes, have lapses in judgement, and even simply have bad days.  That shows in all of our relationships.

For me in particular, I see Daddy’s imperfections handled with so much honesty and integrity that it makes me admire Him even more.

When we began our journey together, we had a serious conversation about mistakes, about accidents.  What we do has risk and holds danger, and we don’t ever treat that lightly, despite our occasional silliness or playfulness.  We understand that the longer we play together, the closer our chances get to 100% probability of an incident.

In fact, we have had issues.  There have been scenes between us when we didn’t quite find our rhythm and things felt off, often due to outside stressors or influences.  Earlier on, we tripped hidden land mines from my prior negative experiences which induced a panic attack.  We have had two of those, one not scene-related, and happily it has been over a year since the last.

He takes responsibility for His part in problems, and doesn’t believe that His role in our relationship as Leader gifts Him with magical infallibility or perfection.  When something goes wrong, whether during physical play or just in an emotional sense, He owns His part.

He has gifted me with high standards.

I see the honor with which He composes Himself, and when I interact with others who do not maintain those standards, I struggle.  I struggle with them as people and with them as community members or leaders.  My issues come with people who do not seem to hold themselves to values of right and wrong.  My issues come with people who seem to make our community into high school cliques.  My issues come with those it seems must believe in their rightness to the exclusion of all else.  My issues come with those who lie and still call themselves great communicators.  I struggle with those who do not welcome newcomers to our world, those who are the Gatekeepers of Kink, mocking instead of helping.

I see those characteristics in so many people.  To me, they seem to stand firm on the hill upon which they have chosen to make their stands and will not be moved.

Is part of the issue that those nobler behaviors exist in them and I just don’t see them?  They can be easy to overlook when they don’t conform to my personal view of honor.  When we see people online, or even in public, we only see snapshots, small moments in time.

I have a very black or white mentality in some areas.  Perhaps that leaves me as the judgmental one, the one with the glaring flaws, looking down upon perfectly good and kind folk I have judged based upon one moment of interaction I witnessed or experienced.


I just want to be a good person, to my partner and to everyone else I encounter.  Is that what I show others?  Am I living up to my own expectations?

We all want to live up to our own ideals.  Perhaps I need to accept the humanity in others rather than expecting them to live up to mine.

After all, we are one community, united in kink, whether we all like one another or not.

About the Author

Christmas bunny has been exploring kink since she was legal to do so.  Her serious writing started in college, where she accidently got some of her papers published in educational journals.  She has recently expanded her writing to include her kink journey.  She began writing in the physical realm, but shed some of her inhibitions and began sharing those entries with others.  She now keeps an active blog of her personal growth and her relationship with her Master / Daddy Dominant and writes helpful educational posts on a variety of subjects.


  1. kilted90 says:

    Wonderful words of wisdom

  2. empoweredsub says:

    excellently written per usual

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