What Society Tells Us


There is a path we are conditioned to believe we have to follow.  Societal expectations tell us to follow the path of tradition.

We meet someone special.  We realize something special is happening and dating becomes exclusive.  We take it to the next stage and we move in together.  Marriage is the next step and children are the end goal.

I know some people call that the relationship escalator.  From the moment we step on board a new relationship, there is a predetermined destination.  Our feet are locked in place and short of jumping off of the escalator, we know where it leads.  Our only real choice when we succumb is how fast we ascend.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Some relationships may be limited due to distance or time, and nothing says they can’t be just as healthy or as viable just because moving in or marriage isn’t on the table.  By embracing polyamory fully, often it means accepting a relationship for whatever it is, not what society expects it to be.

The Long Distance Relationship

Perhaps two people have built a dynamic long distance.  One lives in the United States, the other in Canada.  Travel is expensive.  They see each other as often as they can afford it, sometimes meeting at events which both fulfil a need to participate in a hobby and their need to spend time together.  Neither has plans to move.

Absolutely nothing says this relationship cannot fill a need for both of them for a long period of time.  This is still a healthy and viable relationship.

The Busy Third

A woman and a man have built a connection.  After she gets to know his existing female partner, she builds a relationship with both of them.  Unfortunately, she is quite busy with regular life things, and she still has spawn to attend to.  She can’t give either of her partners as much attention as she’d like, but she does her best to balance things.  They have each other to help satisfy their needs for attention when she is busy with her family.  One or both of them are available to her whenever she needs someone, and despite having no plans to move in together, all are blissfully happy.

Absolutely nothing says this relationship cannot fill a need for all three of them for a long period of time.  This is still a healthy and viable relationship.

The Additional D/s Relationship

A happily nested male desires to give his submission to someone.  His partner is a lovely person but has no desire or skill to be dominant over him.  He seeks outside the existing relationship and finds a dominant who is willing to accept his non-sexual submission.

This new relationship is just as valid and viable, filling a need for the involved individuals despite not being a sexual one.

These examples are but droplets in the bucket.  Not only do monogamous relationships not have to have a predetermined endgame, but even moreso polyamorous ones.  Each relationship can be free to grow into exactly the place that makes everyone involved in it happy.  There is no requirement for marriage, no demand to procreate.  Someone can be fulfilled by a partner they see four times a year and love them for exactly what is offered, just as they can with a partner they see more often.  The pressure from old programming can be shed and new standards of acceptance set and maintained.

The trick is letting go of the desire to let the escalator determine destination.  It is perfectly acceptable to reach a place of stability in a relationship where no more expansion occurs.  Our impulse is to find new destinations, force it into old patterns.

Talk.

Breathe.

Be happy in the moment.

The only one really pressuring your relationship to progress to new places is you, and you have the power to fight it and find contentment with what you have.


About the Author

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Comments

  1. a great point

  2. uptowngrl says:

    quite accurate and profound

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