Trust and Kink

We talk a great deal about consent in the kink community, as we should, however, I fear we sometimes do so at the the expense of other important aspects of a healthy kink relationship. In this article I want to go beyond consent and explore the role of trust in D/s dynamics. We are going to explore it from two perspectives, that of the responsibility of the Top to be … [Read more...]

Rika’s Lair – Expectations, Rights, and Obligations – Part 1

As the new year approaches, most of us are thinking about the year gone by and looking forward to the future. It’s the perfect time to consider our New Year’s resolutions: How we’d like to improve ourselves and our relationships going forward. It’s the perfect time to consider what this D/s dynamic really means to us. Last month, we started with a discussion of “Intent” over … [Read more...]

A Deeper BDSM Experience Awaits You, Outside Your Comfort Zone

Illustration by Dirk Hooper I hear from people with very different problems, but all share the same solution. One guy is into FinDom, and deeply enjoys the interaction he gets online, but then feels a profound sense of loneliness afterward. He thinks he knows about BDSM, but, he’s only had a small taste of it. A woman has practiced professional domination, enjoys … [Read more...]

How Not To Be Afraid to Top

There was a huge shake-up within the NYC public scene late 2017 into early 2018. Some big names in the scene were accused of various consent violations, some of them several years old, one after the other. “Pillars” of the (gak) community, as it were. Long time educators and party/convention promoters went down in flames, one by one, almost overnight. The whole thing got very … [Read more...]

Why My Girl Isn’t Allowed To Say “No”

I am sure we have all heard the sweaty, uber-dom declare; "True submissives I play with don't have safe-words." and "My partner isn't allowed to say no to me." followed by a grin which could only be described as unfortunate. I would argue that such an attitude is at best pointless posturing and at worst an indicator of dangerous abuse. So let us explore these two points, the … [Read more...]