Consent Violations

Consent is the defining difference between BDSM and Abuse.  Even beyond Communication, consent is necessary in every aspect of kink.  However, consent is an umbrella term and has many different facets. Consent: permission or agreement for something to happen **This is a very broad definition and leaves a lot of wiggle room for play** Other Types of Consent: Medical … [Read more...]

When You’re Not Enough

I have struggled to put these words to paper for quite awhile.  However, this is a subject dear to me.  I would like to share it with you. I often speak about how mental health impacts my relationships and the struggle that I deal with personally.  However, I am protective of my spouses and try very hard to only speak of it from my perspective. If you'll bare with me, I'm … [Read more...]

Red Flags and Red Herrings

I'm addressing one question that has been burning in my gut all week. Are Red Flags Universal?  For reference, I'm only using ones commonly mentioned in BDSM relationships/Dynamics. I feel the need to emphasize that red flags are personality driven.  Your role in the dynamic has no bearing on your ability to abuse and manipulate someone.  Never assume that only Dominants … [Read more...]

A Journey Through Jealousy

My mother taught me a great many things. But she never taught me how to accept jealousy. Jealousy was something you don't feel.  Jealousy was a sign of an insecure person and jealousy in a relationship was a red flag. After all, if I trust you, I should never be jealous. So, I am going to tell you about the first time I ever felt honest jealousy.  To put this into … [Read more...]

On The Edge Of Arousal

I would like you to imagine something for me.  I'd ask you to close your eyes but it defeats the purpose of reading my words.  So, let's set the scene. I want you to feel the stirrings of arousal in your lower belly.  The soft shots of electricity that run from your lower back and up your spine.  I want you to imagine the sensitivity of your skin is so acute, the still air … [Read more...]