If you are a male sub this article might be the most important one you will ever read (this might seem excessive hyperbole – until this article saves you heart ache and wallet ache.)
Lately, with BDSM going mainstream, with “Fifty Shades” paving the way, there has been a plethora (not an “epidemic – after all Kink Weekly is not Fox News) of what I call “Predator Pro Dommes” invading our community.
(Warning: this might be extremely politically incorrect.)
With the decline of the adult industry and the economy in general, many female sex workers, pornstars and free lancers (who think this is easy money) have been looking for additional income streams. Enter the compliant male submissive. These men have been targeted by many greedy “Faux Dommes,” since submissives are, by definition, anxious to obey their Mistress. Although most, but not all, of these so-called Predator Pro Dommes are loathe to order a submissive to “Empty your bank account for your Mistress,” expensive wish lists, outrageous fees and pricey “tributes” are common and are red flags if you care about your bank account. (If you are an extreme financial masochist and want a Predator Dominatrix to leave you virtually penniless, or are extremely wealthy, that is your choice. Read no further. On the other hand, if you wish to participate in Financial Domination, as it is called, and skip most other aspects of BDSM, we will offer tips to play economically safe in a subsequent article.)
Now it is one thing for a legitimate Pro Domme to be compensated for her time. I am totally cool with that. But it is quite another thing to coldly and diabolically hustle a submissive into paying through the nose for a so-called Mistress who has no interest in BDSM other than as a means to enrich herself. Besides, not only can it be extremely expensive, but often these so-called Dommes also know little more than “On your knees, slave…worship your Mistress.” Thus, the submissive misses out on much of what BDSM is all about. All at an outrageous price.
So how does a submissive – especially a beginner – protect himself? (Again, this is usually a “Domme/male sub” situation.) This can be a bit tricky as some of these “Predator Pro Dommes” are quite clever.
The surest way is to hire a Pro Domme from a reputable dungeon. For example, Los Angeles’s Sanctuary would be one such place. There, the Pro Dommes charge a reasonable hourly rate, all are skilled and familiar with the lifestyle. And in most major cities there are reputable dungeons that offer similar services.
Another way is to ask for references. Talk to the Domme’s other subs and BDSM friends to get a feel as to whether this Pro Domme is a lifestyler making money or a bust out hustler trying to empty your bank account. If she refuses to offer references, that is a BIG red flag. Best to avoid her.
I would try to avoid meeting Pro Dommes on Craigslist or twitter; and although fetlife.com offers no protection, the odds of meeting a legit Domme there are greater. Plus, you can easily cross-reference there.
I also advise asking for a per-hour fee schedule. See if it is comparable to fees at a Pro Dungeon. If it is way out of line, or she says, “How dare you ask me, slave?” or some such way of avoiding the answer, another red flag. The key word here is, “Next.”
You might also use a skills/lifestyle interview. Is she adept with a single tail, cane or a flogger? Play-wise, what are her specialties? If she is vague here, pass. Is she a member of a local dungeon and which one? (This is easy to check up on.) If she says she only plays privately in her own home, this is a big red flag. You might also ask her how she became a Domme? How long has she been in the lifestyle? A good interview is worth a thousand bounced checks!
On the other hand, if the Domme interviews you, don’t come off like you have a helicopter and are Richy Rich, unless you are. You can ring even a legitimate Domme’s greed bell. Honesty does work both ways.
Ultimately, even if you are submissive, it is your money and time – and you have a right to insist it is spent on a reputable, knowledgeable Dominatrix who respects the lifestyle. Being a submissive does not equate to being a pushover for the unscrupulous.
Finally, if you are married, vanilla and need to experience some form of simple Femme Domme worship that these predators specialize in, why not get your wife to learn to dominate you in this manner? If it is easy for newbie “Dommes” to learn, surely your wife can learn it just as easily. You can also play Financial Domination games with little financial risk. After all, the money would just go back into your joint account!
If you are a single submissive looking for a Mistress, why go pro? Bide your time, go to socials and munches, join a dungeon and find a Mistress to share your life with. It might take a while, but you will likely avoid winding up alone and with no Mistress when your money runs out.
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.