I Won’t Do That!

From time to time I answer questions here that I find intriguing. Here is one of them, asked by a female submissive: “I met a Dom on the Internet. He is awesome. But he is very high protocol. At first I liked all aspects of it. I am now starting find it too confining and am beginning to dread the all-encompassing aspects of it. One more ritual and I think I will lose it. I … [Read more...]

Is Long-Term Poly Possible?

I have already written some articles on kinkweekly.com on polyamory. Still, I get quizzed on poly triads more than on any other BDSM topic. Perhaps it is the fantasy. The Dom/me having two slaves to serve him/her is ultra hot. But I am talking about more than just a casual threesome which happens as much in the vanilla world as around here. I am examining long-term poly … [Read more...]

Long-Term BDSM

The question I get asked most often is how to keep a long-term (over ten years) BDSM relationship fresh and exciting. Since my current live-in situation has lasted for eight years, I am close enough to ten years to offer counsel. As with all advice, it should be filed under the category of “opinion.” That said, just talking about the subject can be enlightening – so let’s go! … [Read more...]


Meta-communication or metacommunication, is a secondary communication (including indirect cues) about how a piece of information is meant to be interpreted. It is based on idea that the same message accompanied by different meta-communication can mean something entirely different, including its opposite, as in irony. The term was brought to prominence by Gregory Bateson to … [Read more...]

Jealousy and Polyamory

Polyamory is so appealing – especially to Dominant types -- that I think it might be one of the major reasons so many people enter this lifestyle. With much of what we do now being offered, however inaccurately, to the general public – from Fifty Shades to Porn Conventions like AVN welcoming BDSM participants – Poly might be one of the last “secret” aspects of BDSM. Surely, … [Read more...]