Here are just a few reminders about what submission is to some women. You CAN be a feminist and a submissive. Some of the strongest women I know enjoy being dominated by a man. It’s all about consent and communication. -anniebear
Archives for January 2017
Of the dimly lit room. The bright red glow of her cigarette was all I could make out. I would glance over between hard thrusts to try to make out any sign of her approval.
She got off on watching me fuck whoever She considered “an appropriate chew toy”. She would find young and beautiful girls and seduce them into a good night with Her handsome puppy boy.
As far as I knew this girl was a complete stranger to me just another cameo appearance in my sex life. A curvy but tight bodied blond with pixie like features. Mistress had a thing for blonds and the occasional dark haired Hispanic girls.
Every time She would just sit silently and watch. Watched as I would bind, whip spank, beat and fucked Her pray into loud orgasms. From time to time She would direct the scene but those times were few and far in between.
Mistress would sit smoking her cloves with a plug comfortably vibrating in Her ass while quietly pleasuring Herself with one of Her many toys.
The sultry sound of Her toy schlicking in and out of Her pussy and the muffled sound of Her vibrating plug filled my ears, made me thrust harder and faster. I would be fucking one of Her many girls but we both knew I was pleasuring Her.
This girl was passionate and energetic. I bent her over the bed, Mistresses favorite position, and took her, hard. I planted my feet and thrust harder than ever. Every thrust shoved her forward and she let out a loud squeal with every thrust.
“Oh fuck! It hurts so good!” She exclaimed as she grooved with my thrusts.
“Spank her” Mistress commanded. Without missing a beat a reeled back and brought my hand down on her soft white ass with an air shattering ‘SMACK!’ causing her to let out a loud moan. It made her even wetter, the sign of a true pain slut.
I could hear Mistress breath harder and louder in shallow breaths. She was at her limit I could make out the subtle sound of Her squirming in Her chair trying the get the most out of Her plug.
We were all now on the verge of a simultaneous climax. I pulled out, flipped her over and began to Fuck her yet again. She wrapped her legs around my neck as I continued to thrust myself into her. I dug my fingers into her ribs causing her to squirm in blissful pain, her brain doped up on endorphins.
The sounds of heavy breathing, moaning, squeals and body fluids that filled the air intoxicated me. I looked down and she was so high she had lost herself in ecstasy. I looked over to Mistress, still I saw nothing, Her cigarette long gone but the sound of Her toys let me know She was still there enjoying every moment of the show.
I could no longer contain myself. I thrust myself deeper and harder into my chew toy. My balls began to tense, my abdomen tightened still I continued holding back as long as I could.
I’m going to cum!” I let out through clenched teeth. I heard a sharp inhale from each, letting me know they were about to as well.
I thrust again and again ready to blow when I hear through labored breaths.
“On..her..tits!” To which I was more than happy to oblige. I gave it everything I had. She began to climax first, I pulled out just in time to shoot my hot load all over her chest causing Mistress let out another sharp inhale then silence as a wave of pleasure washed over Her.
The room fell silent, all three of us in a heap of exhaustion. Struggling to catch our breath. Mistress was the first to break the silence, She stood and let out a quiet moan as she pulled her plug out and tossed it on the bed. She walked out the door without a word, Her body silhouetted by the bright light. She closed the door behind Her leaving us alone.
Her pets needed their rest.
Vic Sharp is a switch living in San Diego. You can learn more about him here.
It was March, 2014. I had been to a munch the previous week and was absolutely dying to go to an actual play party. I was working a dead end retail job at the time and was checking my Fetlife for events. Remember when Fetlife was shiny and new and you were on it every moment looking for messages?! One event popped up that piqued my interest; “Gentlemen In Charge, a high protocol play party for male Dominants and female submissives”. I liked gentlemen, but I definitely liked it more when they were in charge! I was sold! In my brain I’m thinking a room full of Dominant men and me…..pretty scary but so so so hot. This was my ultimate fantasy, something /I’d always dreamed about. But what to do?! The party was in a mere four hours so I’d have to go by myself…and think of something to wear. I sent a text to my sister who is both kinky and out for advice on what to wear and do. She talked me off my ledge and said if all else fails, wear a black dress. Just to be on the safe side, I posted in the Gentlemen in Charge group asking for clarification on the dress code. To my surprise, a few people responded back and cleared it up for me! I even got a nice message from another female who would be in attendance if I needed a buddy. This was working out to be better and better! I dashed out of work at the end of my shift and knew I barely had time to go home, dress, and then make my way back across town in time for the party. The event listing urged people not to be late or risk interrupting the pre-party class/instruction. In my head I knew I would DIE of embarrassment if I were late.
At home I tore though my closet. Looking back on the moment now, I’m simply astonished that I did not own more lingerie. At the time I think I had two garter belts, a bustier, and a few modest 1950’s era slips to my name. The times have definitely changed! I agonized as the clock as ticking and finally went with a black slip, some mint green panties with garters and nude stockings. I had a short bob haircut at the time so was going for a 1920s vibe. Back then, Gentlemen in Charge required the female submissives to wear a collar. Luckily I had recently picked up a collar from Pleasure Chest (I didn’t even know about the famed Stockroom yet). I threw on some red lipstick and flew out the door. Now mind you I was visibly shaking a this point. I was a lone twenty-something female about to go to a dungeon play party. It doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence!
I arrived at Sanctuary, the party venue LATE! I sat in my car, adrenaline pulsing through me. I was sweating and freezing and flushed all at the same time. I can’t believe I blew it and was late. How I convinced myself to get out of the car and into the building beats me. You have to ring a buzzer at Sanctuary to be let in and I was shaking like a leaf. The person at the front desk asked for my RSVP name (I had enough sense to make sure I had done that much) and informed me that classes had already begun and told me the females were gathered in Hades. (??????) Hades?! “What’s a Hades?” I thought. I felt too stupid to ask for any clarification and just walked right in. I went down a short corridor, turned the corner and there was a room full of what looked like fifty men! They were all listening to a man bathed in red light on the stage, the teacher for the pre-party class. I froze like a deer caught by a hunter. A man directly to my right quietly asked me if I needed assistance to the ladies class and I gratefully accepted as he lead the way. It seemed like the gentleman part was working out so far.
I entered a small room (with the name Hades on the door, huzzah!) in the back and it was full of women of all ages, races, and types of dress. Looking around I felt slightly out of place. Women were dressed in beautiful corsets and collars, blouses and dresses. I shrunk myself against a wall, sitting on the floor because the room was at capacity and listened. The instructor, a known Dominatrix was talking about high protocol. The lesson went straight over my head having been so new and foolishly unlearned in the way of kink. It was definitely great people watching as I wondered who everyone was and if they were new too. The class wrapped up and we were informed to join the men for social hour. My nerves returned full force! A woman approached me and asked if I was anniebear. It was Subbiepoppy, the person who had messaged me! I was saved…kind of. Well, I at least had a person to latch onto. She introduced me around to her group and everyone was extremely nice. I then made a beeline to the bar. Let’s be honest, I needed some liquid courage. A few men approached me and kindly introduced themselves. I think they could tell I had a bit of that caged wild bird look to me as they were all gentle and did not invade my space.
One thing that struck me about the crowd I general was that not everyone looked like a supermodel like in the movies. Yes I sound like an asshole but no one talks about this part of kink where you get used to the Hollywood stereotypes and don’t realize what the reality is. These were just normal, kind people. There were all types of looks and the men were not wearing black capes and carrying whips and the women were not all flighty little nymph types wrapped in rope (That would come later). It was a relief. You could look however you wanted to look and be any age and that was ok. In fact, I was impressed with how nicely dressed the men were in their suits. The women all seemed so confident as some undressed down to lingerie and underwear. I started to wonder, could I do that to? Would I find someone to play with tonight?
A man that introduced himself earlier as “Velvet” came back around and we chatted some more. He understood I was new and we talked about what my experience had been like so far. I went back to Subbiepoppy and the safety net of the other girls. One of them asked me if I wanted to play with him and I said I wasn’t sure if I had the nerve. I asked if she knew the guy and she said she did and had seen him around and that he was a good play partner. The wheels in my head started turning. I gave myself a pep talk and told her I wanted to do it! She said she would help me negotiate the scene (I do remember the Dominatrix mentioning negotiations during the class). Thus began the start of my very first play scene ever and in public, which is fitting because I am now such an exhibitionist.
I approached Velvet and asked if we could play and he agreed (yippy…and oh shit!). I told him my friend would help me negotiate. It seems normal now but looking back this was probably one of the single weirdest conversations I had ever had. I didn’t even know where to begin so I rattled off a bunch of stuff I did NOT want to happen which included bleeding, sex, kissing, nails on my skin, and tickling. I was off to a good start. Then is got down to things that interested me; I had no clue. I thought back on my different sex partners and some of the things I liked that they did. “I like spanking and whipping with a belt?”-yea I added the question mark uptick to my statement. After not talking about these things for so many years, it’s a very odd feeling to finally say out loud what you would like a man to do to you. “I like hair pulling.” It was getting a little easier. I honestly really lucked out on a first play partner. He took more time with me going over a few more likes, dislikes and limits. He then asked what my safeword would be to which I gave him a deer in the headlights face. Of course I knew what one was but I could not think of a single word that stuck out in my brain, no blueberry or panda bear or nothing! He explained the stop light colors to me, red, yellow, and green. He also went a bit further and said he may ask where on a scale of 1-10 was I in that color. So if I said yellow and he asked what number and I said 8, that mean I was rapidly approaching red. That really knocked my socks off.
We went in search of a place to play and my brain started whirling again about how naked I was going to get. To my delight we found a room down a hallways that was slightly obscured so not every person walking by would see me. My friend promised to stop by to check on me as well as the dungeon monitors who were helping the party. He sat his bag down and I sheepishly asked what clothes I was supposed to take off. He said whatever I wanted to. I turned my back and slowly removed my slip. I was standing in just my bra, panties, and stocking and had an “aw fuck it” moment and removed my bra. Everyone else was naked, why shouldn’t I be?! And in that moment I felt free and liberated, and nervous as hell. What if this man, this stranger actually hurt me? What if I hated it or freaked out? What if he forgot or broke the extensive rules we discussed? Just then I saw my friend peak her head around the corner and give me a thumbs up. I blew a sigh of relief and gave her a thumbs up right back.
From then on our scene began. While I cannot remember every detail of the scene now, in retrospect Velvet was an incredibly talented flogger. Flogging in particular can look very scary and painful to a newbie but it was actually wonderful and felt so good to me. I loved the feel of the leather on my back and butt. I also remember on mortifying moment where a Wartenberg wheel got stuck in the lace of my stocking. I just took those off at that point too! Velvet took me through a variety of implements and types of play. I truly could not have asked for a better first play scene. Velvet, if you’re reading this, thank you!
Velvet drew the scene to a close and I was soaring! He asked if I needed any aftercare and I couldn’t even think straight! We eventually got me dressed, cleaned up the room and walked back out to the main party and everyone had practically left, it was nearly 1:30am! Time flies when you’re having fun. I drank some water, we exchanged information as he wanted to check on me the next day and he walked me to my car. That my friends, was the beginning of my journey, I was hooked!
anniebear is a submissive living with her partner Dexx in Los Angeles. She enjoys writing, modeling for friends, animal rescue, and teaching herself how to cook. You can catch her on Fetlife or Facebook.
I was fortunate along with anniebear to sit down with some BDSM legends, Ernest Greene and his wife Nina Hartley. I asked them about the history of BDSM, where it’s headed and also the rise of BDSM porn. I hope you enjoy part one of this three part interview. -Dexx
Dexx: Great to have both of you! Ernest Green, you’re known to many of our readers as the author of the hit BDSM novel Master of O, but I gather that you’ve been into kink for a lot longer than that. Maybe we can start with you telling us how you first discovered BDSM?
Ernest: It discovered me! I’m one of those for whom it’s a basic orientation in the way that being gay is for others. I’m hardwired for BDSM. I have never had a sexual fantasy that was not sado-erotic in some way. Starting with my very first girlfriend I did BDSM play and it’s been pretty much like that ever since. I’ve had one vanilla relationship in my entire life trying to prove a point in my early twenties that I could do it and I proved a point all right but that wasn’t the point I wanted to prove! I couldn’t do it! It wouldn’t work for me. It was a very long year and a half and when it was over I was really glad. That experiment was settled and I never tried it again. So I really think this is not true of everyone who’s interested in BDSM nor does it need to be but there are some for whom it really is part of them. There’s interesting anecdotal evidence, unsupported by any organized research because no one will fund it, that it’s heritable, in the way that being gay is heritable. There seems to be a kink gene that appears in families in different branches in different generations who were brought up widely apart and had no direct contact with each other. I had two uncles, one of whom was just the most normal guy on earth. Then there was my other uncle who clearly had the marker.
Nina Hartley: And his mother.
Ernest Greene: Yes exactly. As the completely normal uncle said to me near the end of his life, “You know your Uncle Mel, he had this weird streak of sexual cruelty to him.” Uncle Bernard was 86 at the time and when people are 86 they have no filter. They have no time for small talk. We were at a family dinner and all the air went out of the room. Then there was a brief sort of nodding off moment and then he looked at me and said, “And your mother she had that too.”
I came out to my parents when I was about 28 and I was very surprised at my mother’s response. She looked vaguely embarrassed and said, “Gee I hope it isn’t something I did.” I said “No I think it’s more like something that you are.” She nodded and agreed that could be true. (Laughs) We’ve always been open about it and I’ve always been this way. I do understand that it can just be recreational, spicing up sex more conventional sex, and I think it is for most people. And then there are those for whom this is it! Luckily I found someone whose kinks are a little different from mine but they overlap enough so that things work very nicely. I’ve been married to women who were wired too much like me and it was a problem. If two people’s wiring is too similar it really is difficult to make the adjustments necessary for a happy day to day life, because most of the time we’re a happy day to day couple. Around the house our protocol is pretty relaxed. Nina always wears her collar, for instance.
Nina: And I’m usually naked. (Laughs)
Ernest Greene: We’re not a 24/7 couple, we joke that we’re a 7 to midnight couple. When we have the time and there’s nothing else going on then we can indulge that fully. But we do not “live the lifestyle,” a term I don’t really like. This thing chooses you. Its not like you decide one morning to be a kinky person. One morning you wake up and realize you are one! You can fight it but if you’re like that will only cause frustration. It would also be a disservice to your partners to leave them wondering why it is that you don’t seem very interested in them if you choose someone who’s completely vanilla. Don’t choose a vanilla partner if you can’t be one yourself. I’m also against attempting to change anyone’s basic sexuality. There’s a lot of that going around at the moment. In one Facebook group I moderate that question comes up far too often. Anything that begins with “how can I get my partner to …” goes nowhere good. If the desire is already there and not yet awakened you can certainly offer it as a possibility. But for most people it’s a music they cant hear. I don’t think they can learn to hear it by trying even with the best of intentions. You’re either tuned to that frequency in whatever degree or you’re not.
Dexx: So in your formative years presumably there was not the same amount of BDSM porn available as there is now so what were your sources of inspiration or did you have any mentors who kind of taught you some of the things?
Ernest Greene: The world was so different back then it’s hard to describe. First of all yes there was always lots of BDSM erotica around, you just had to know where to look for it and believe me I found out. I made a point of it. An early inspiration for both of us was John Willy’s artwork. We loved it then, we love it now. There was a limited supply, compared to today, of BDSM oriented erotica, but it was mostly better because it was done by people who were not expecting to make money on it.
Ernest Greene: Those who created this material never expected it to be seen. As a result they created their work in a sort of soulful, passionate, personal way that you don’t see too much of these days. But yes, yes I did hit puberty right around the time erotic books first became available in the US – to date myself very seriously—I read “Story of O” when it came out over here.
Nina: Right. (Laughs)
Ernest Greene: When I read it, even though I had no real experience of my own at that point, some of it seemed very vividly described. The level of visual detail was quite striking, but the emotions seemed all wrong. It wasn’t until some years later that I found out the person that wrote it did so as a present for a lover who was into it, and she wasn’t. She basically said, ‘Well, I can’t do the things you like to do, but I can write a book that you would like to read.’
Nina: She got the details right but no insight into why people engage in this behavior.
Ernest Greene: Except for O herself, the characters in the first book are very flat, especially the men. In her late life interviews Anne Desclos, who had started using her own name by then, admitted that she barely knew and didn’t much like the people around whom she built the story.
Nina: No wonder the characters in Ernest’s book “Master of O” are so well rounded.
Ernest Green: Because I know them. They’re all my friends—or at least I hope they’re still my friends.
Nina: They are.
Ernest Greene: At the beginning of my own explorations I looked around and there were, even in those days, the beginnings of small SM groups. The first one here in the U.S was…
Nina: In New York.
Ernest Greene: I went to my first meeting of The Eulenspiegel Society in NYC in 1972. I don’t know what I expected but it was all very light-hearted and good-natured. Happy to say that T.E.S. is still around—
Dexx: Sounds very German.
Ernest Greene: Indeed. Eulenspiegel, I guess, is meant to be some mischievous, imp character who’s curious about thing. and that’s what they named it after. When I moved out here I got involved with the Southern California Society of Janus, which had spun off from the original S.O.J. up in San Francisco. After some of the bickering typical of leather organizations ours changed its name to Threshold. I did six terms as coordinator of Threshold, which makes it sound a bit like doing a nickel in San Quentin, something it at times resembled.
Ernest Greene: Mid to late eighties. I joined in 1983. I was coordinator from 1986-1992 or some crazy thing like that. That is the heaviest session of all, being in one of those rooms during a business meeting, I’ll tell you that right now.
Nina: Heavy bottom session. (Laughs)
Ernest Greene: And you can’t mercy there. There is no safe word for it. The guy who handed that job over to me had had it for six terms and he did his best to warn me.
Ernest Greene: Because even though we only had 64 members, we had about 120 opinions about everything. I have noticed SM people tend to be opinionated. They also tend to be high-maintenance in groups. When Bill handed the sash off to me as coordinator, he said, ‘So did they tell you about the vow of celibacy?’ I said, ‘Vow of celibacy? I don’t remember anything about that.’ He just smiled and said, ‘You will.’ And sure enough, the very first party we gave in my first term was in the middle of summer. It was July, it was sweltering and the club we rented had a busted air conditioner. So I spent the entire night on the roof trying to fix it while the party went on. Actually it turned into a pretty great party because it was so hot in there everybody got naked. At one point, I looked down through the skylight and thought, ‘My God, a whole room full of naked people!’ They had all come fetished out and just couldn’t keep that stuff on.
There were some nice perks though. As a leather group leader, you were a member of the Leather Round Table, which gave you reciprocal membership privileges in every other group. I got to go to gay SM events, bi SM events, fetish-themed events and so on. I got to see all kinds of interesting people doing interesting things. I’d approach whoever was playing at the end of their scene and ask if they could show me how certain techniques were done. It wasn’t formal mentoring of the sort that’s been so inflated subsequently. There was zero snobbery attached to any of it because this was Mr. Regan’s America and everything we did was totally misunderstood and despised at the time. People were very forthcoming with the few who didn’t judge or reject them. ‘Oh you’re interested? You don’t think it’s disgusting and should be stomped out? Okay, cool! I’ll show you what I know.’ It was also a lot safer back then because everything was done by personal contact. The internet in my opinion, has been pretty much a disaster for the world of BDSM. Which isn’t to say we haven’t had some pleasant experiences out of it. We’ve met people online who’ve become friends. We’ve met some of our most compatible playmates that way. But overall the bar to entry is now very low. Anyone can represent themselves as anything on the internet. And enough new people who’ve come in since those books bad books we shall not name came out who just don’t know what is expected and what is permitted and what is okay and what is not. This has given rise to quite a rift between younger and older players because the older ones basically stick to the safe sane and consensual rule, or RACK which is some modernized variation thereof, but a lot of younger people are coming in saying, ‘Oh, that’s just that old guard bullshit, you people are just elitists and don’t know the way it really is.’
Nina: Just get off my lawn, people.
Ernest Greene: Yeah, we knew something about this before those books came out, so if that’s all you know about it, it’s possible we do possess some useful knowledge you don’t. But if you don’t want to hear it, you can piss on the electric fence and find out for yourself why it’s a bad idea.
There are a lot of predators out there that will simply say—‘Anyone who tells you anything different from anything I’m telling you is full of shit, a liar and just in it for the sex. There is one kind of SM that is correct, and it’s mine. Whatever my rules are, are the rules.’ When I see that their status is 19-years-old, male, straight, master, unparternered, I pretty much know what I’m dealing with there. I’m sorry if that offends anybody in the [The Next Gen] crowd, who overall, I think are great. We need new, young people to keep things going. I’m not sorry to see it expand, I’m sorry to see it explode. To get to the point where on Fetlife you’ve got a couple million people, you can expect in any city of a couple million people there are going to be bad guys. If you picture it as a virtual city with neighborhoods, some neighborhoods are going to be safer than others and that’s very much true when it comes to BDSM on the Internet. If you wander in with no prior knowledge and are completely naive and eager to give this a try, as far as you know, all dominant men are just like Christian Grey. They’re all kind of spooky, a little edgy, but they’re really poor injured little boys working off their mommy issues and all they need is the love of a good normal vanilla woman to straighten them out, fix them, and make them normal. That’s pretty far from the actual trajectory of a real BDSM person.
Dexx: So, you must have really seen the public dungeon community emerge from the shadows and flourish since the Society of Janus days?
Ernest Greene: We started out in the 60s. During my first term our group had 67 members. After 6 years, we were up to 700. And this was before the Internet. So it was already a dynamic idea that was beginning to roll. Now, there’s hardly a city of over 250,000 that doesn’t have a club. There are also a lot of posers and hacks as you would expect, but there are a lot of sincere people for whom it’s been a great discovery that they’re not alone. They come from some little town someplace where there aren’t any kinky people they know of and they manage to find this large community that offers both danger and opportunity. There are many more choices of things to do and people to meet, styles to explore, and there are also, occasionally, folks you would not want to meet. That’s why I think it’s important that there be some institutional memory preserved from how things were. In the old days the rule if you wanted to try some new technique, a new kind of whip or bondage, first, you watched somebody who was already an established expert at this demonstrate it. Then, if you had a partner who was willing to let you practice on them, you got to do it under the supervision of the person who knew how to do it. Then if you didn’t screw that up, you had a chance to do it yourself. Now, everybody just strolls through the door and goes at it, whether they know anything or not. Some bad things have happened as a result of that. To some extent the bad influences are counterbalanced by the availability of classes and workshops.
Nina: There’s still plenty of opportunity to learn about consent and safety, but there’s no enforceable requirement to do so.
Ernest Greene: In those days, if you didn’t do the course work, you didn’t get to graduate.
Nina: You didn’t do BDSM 101, you didn’t get to come to parties. Before you were welcome in a public space, there were orientations you had to attend.
Ernest Greene: I did those orientations for many years. I did them with my first wife. I did them with the late great Bob Flanagan. We subjected everyone to a true Salvation-Army-style ear banging on safe sane, consensual and confidential BDSM.
Dexx: On the subject of learning that you’re talking about, do you think that the community now can benefit from some sort of standardized certification or training?
Ernest Greene: I just don’t know how we’d make it work, because what people do in private, they do in private. The worst abuses, I think are, again, are classically committed by the kind of abusive personality that will try to separate their victim from everybody else. They’ll say: ‘Don’t go to munches. Stay away from organized BDSM groups because they’re all full of people who might tell you something other than what I’m telling you.’ I don’t see any way to certify people. What I do think is if you’re considering becoming involved either casually or seriously with a partner and you know anyone they know, you can get in touch with that person and ask what their experience was with this individual.’ So there’s a bit of informal watching of each other’s backs, but it’s nothing like it was in the old days. And again, you couldn’t just go to another city and start over after your bad reputation drove you out of your own community because even in different groups in different cities, your reputation would follow you. There was a small enough total number of BDSM players in the whole country you had to be kind of careful wherever you were. This is no longer the case.
Ernest Greene has been the Executive Editor of Hustler’s flagship BDSM magazine Taboo since 1999 and of Taboo Illustrated since . He has performed in, written, produced, or directed over 500 adult titles, including the Nina Hartley’s Guide series, starring his wife and producing partner, noted porn star and sex educator Nina Hartley. Master of O may be purchased here.
We’ve been keeping you up to date with Vikram Bhatt’s new online series Maaya which allegedly features a BDSM narrative. The first few episodes are out and the reviews are already sounding less than favorable. This article (though poorly written) highlights some of the series’ short comings. Looks like we’ll have to take a look and weigh in ourselves very soon!
In a surprising article form the Santa Monica Observer, author Kat Thomas weighs in on some of the best adult toys from the AVN Expo! We were delighted to see our friend Danny from Leather by Danny on the head photo! We were sad to miss the event this year, but this article makes sure to fill us in on any tidbits.
Several news outlets reported on this story; Fetlife is under scrutiny for deleting many of their “questionable” or taboo fetishes and groups in order to satisfy some of their merchant providers. Apparently they were unable to process credit card payments due to one of their merchants questioning the ethical and moral implication of some of these fetishes. What do you all think? Should Fetlife have held strong or are they just being smart business people?
The Guardian has this great read on the recent news that Kink.com will be vacating their Armory space to make room for a performance venue. Many past Kink.com actors and actresses are devastated about this news saying it will change the landscape of San Francisco for good.
With the news this week it seems we’ve lost a little bit of footing in progressing kink and BDSM acceptance. We do however have champions in the lifestyle such as Ernest Greene and his wife Nina Hartley featured in an interview this issue. We also have you, our readers who are a constant support and proof that the community at large is always trying to learn more and educate themselves! Thanks for the support!
Polyamory is so appealing – especially to Dominant types — that I think it might be one of the major reasons so many people enter this lifestyle. With much of what we do now being offered, however inaccurately, to the general public – from Fifty Shades to Porn Conventions like AVN welcoming BDSM participants – Poly might be one of the last “secret” aspects of BDSM. Surely, there are few guidebooks on the best way to keep a poly D/s family working. There are lots of threesomes; but a threesome does not a Poly relationship make. I have covered some basics in two previous Kink Weekly articles. Now I will address specifically one of the chief reasons these arrangements often fail. Jealousy!
Since jealousy is such a destroyer of unions – from the most vanilla of vanilla to 24/7 Master/slave relationships – I will try to examine how jealousy intrudes into Polyamory and how best to handle it.
Whenever lifestylers discuss jealousy, there is invariably a person who says, “A slave who is jealous is just poorly trained. A good Master/Mistress should be able to eliminate most of it in a slave.” There might be some truth to the statement, but totally purging jealousy, even by an experienced Dominant, is unlikely. Jealousy seems to be an irrational human emotion programmed into all of us, to a greater or lesser degree. Even if a submissive is not a particularly jealous type, once another sub is brought into the picture, jealousy will almost invariably rear its ugly head.
If you have read my previous articles, you would know that I am not a fan of the typical “alpha slave/beta slave” arrangement. Unless both parties enthusiastically endorse their respective roles, this might not be the way to go. This is where understanding both slaves’ psyches is of utmost importance. Before the Dominant brings in a second slave, and calls her/him the “beta,” he/she should make sure that this is what both submissives want. Yes, there are those submissives who truly crave being either first or second in the pecking order. But many Dom/mes often assume, when adding a second slave, that this slave is the “beta” simply because she/he is the newer one. And that the so-called “alpha” is happy with a second slave. Dominance is not the antidote to jealousy! What often happens is that this slave, who might not be cut out to play second fiddle, is really just hoping to eventually become number one. And that the “alpha” is hoping the beta just disappears!
Jealousy can lead to a strategy that many Dominants are unaware of. By assuming the position that requires more sacrifice, the beta can create the appearance of being the more submissive of the two. This can get make the alpha extremely jealous – especially if the alpha perceives that this “ultra-submissiveness” is captivating the Master/Mistress. Then, if the jealous alpha gives the Dom an ultimatum, “It is her/him or me,” and is not careful in the way this request is phrased, it could easily backfire and lead to the dismissal of the alpha. Thus, a conniving beta sub can manipulate jealousy to completely ruin everything. I have seen this scenario happen far too often – once even to me! — to think it is just coincidence.
Although jealousy and competition between slaves is almost impossible to eliminate, an alpha/alpha system appears to minimize jealousy. Here, the Dominant can give attention to them in the proportion that each one needs. The Dominant (and it is the Dom/me who is setting up the rules) can thus adjust his/her attentions from day-to-day, week-to-week, and month-to-month, as the situation demands and is not stuck treating one as “numero uno.”
Jealousy is difficult to eradicate in a one-sub relationship; imagine how much harder it is to eradicate it with two subs. By all accounts, Poly is the shortest lived of all BDSM unions. Keeping this in mind, I suggest understanding what roles the subs are most comfortable in and work it from there – rather than try to push them into a dynamic that they really despise. My personal opinion is that jealousy can best be managed when a Dominant is aware that it lurks around every corner of the relationship and works hard to keep both subs feeling secure. (And, of course, the subs should try to keep their jealousy in check!) Being aware that jealousy can never be eliminated – and staying vigilant in addressing jealousy and nipping it in the bud as quickly as you can – is the best way to control, but not eradicate, jealousy.
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.
The Young Vic in London is debuting a much needed new work around the story of sex workers. The employs not actors but actual practitioners both current and former. The stories are based upon their life’s experience. One such member of the play is Governess Elizabeth, a Dominatrix who claims her experience as a Domme has helped her find her “ideal self.”
We are disappointed yet happy for kink.com’s home The Armory. The company has decided to move their video production and offices off-site in an attempt to rebrand the space in the wake of becoming one of the premier music venues in San Francisco. We appreciate their desire to keep a historical building flourishing.
We couldn’t let the Donald Trump/golden shower allegations pass “This week in kink” by! A Pro-Domme was interviewed about the “alleged” report and while she says no one should ever be shamed for their kink, she goes on to point our that “We should be directing our outrage and ridicule towards the fact that he is a known sexual abuser and has an openly fascist, white supremacist agenda. Those are traits that are much more deserving of the ‘perverted’ label.” She hit the nail on the head with that one.
Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to email@example.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”!
We didn’t get this wonderful submission until after the holiday season but we know it’s never too late or out of season to share a hot story. We hope yuo enjoy this tale form one of our newest contributors HarleyQuinn-Girl!
He was in a bad mood, but he had to make an appearance at the company Christmas party. It would after all be very bad taste for the CEO to ditch the biggest company event of the year. He was so happy he at least had the foresight to get a room so he didn’t have to drive home. He planned on getting drunk to make it through the evening.
It was about time to start the otherwise charming little games that always seem to pop up at these things, but he just couldn’t get excited. Christmas was usually his favorite time of year. Until last year when he came home early on Christmas Eve from a last minute business trip to surprise his wife. But when he walked in the door he followed a trail of clothes up the stairs and down the hallway, ending with his favorite pair of her stockings hanging from their bedroom door handle.
He slowly and quietly pushed the door open to find her on her knees at the foot of their bed, with their newest intern’s cock down her throat. The image was forever burned into his mind, and he blamed that bitch for his awful attitude this year.
He knew Kelly was there somewhere and he prayed he wouldn’t run into her. He would have fired her but he knew some of their biggest clients would have followed with her and he wasn’t going to let her screw him over twice. They agreed to reorganize their job functions so they didn’t have to see each other and she mostly worked in their other office. The asshole kid, however, would never get a job in this city. He made sure of that.
As he sits back and watches everyone have a good time, he doesn’t fail to notice her watching him. He had been watching her too. When she walked in and took her coat off, revealing a very borderline inappropriate red velvet dress that practically looked painted on. When she bent down to pick up the napkin she dropped, conveniently right in front of him, and the bottom of her dress rose up too high. When she danced a little too exuberantly when “Shake It Off” was played. When she licked the salt off of her margarita glass while briefly making eye contact with him.
Samantha had been playing this little game ever since his divorce was final. And as much as he wanted to grab her by the hair, yank her into his office and bend her over his desk, he knew it was a bad idea for the CEO to get mixed up with his secretary. But he still never said a word to her about her behavior. He enjoyed watching her figure out ways to be discretely naughty.
He was so lost in thought he didn’t notice her walking up to him, and when he felt someone staring at him he looked up to find her holding a Christmas present wrapped in shiny bright red paper and a giant green bow.
“I know it’s been a bad year, and I know you’ve decided to ignore my advances. But I think I’ve found a way to make us both happy. Merry Christmas Mr. Steel.”
She hands me the present and without saying another word, turns and walks out of the ballroom. I look down at the gift, then quickly look around to see if anyone was watching the exchange. I let out the breath I was holding when I see that everyone is too busy having a good time and no one seemed to notice.
I slowly untie the ribbon and remove the lid of the box. My breath catches in my throat as I look inside and see my ex-wife’s stockings. I had bought them for her several years ago right before Christmas as kind of a joke. They were green with little red bows on the back thigh area. They really were quite ridiculous, but I’ll never forget the night she first wore them. They immediately became my favorite.
But how did she get these? They can’t be my ex-wife’s actual stockings; she must have found a duplicate pair somehow. It wouldn’t be that hard. But I’d never told another single person about those stockings, let alone her.
As I started to pick them up something else shuffled in the box. It was a hotel room key. What the fuck is going on? The stockings have to be a coincidence. This is just another one of her advances. She’s tired of making them discrete. Well I’m tired of ignoring them. If she wants me, she’s going to get me.
He gets up and heads towards the lobby elevators. He pictures how he will find her when he walks into the room and immediately starts to get hard. He recalls all the memories of this last year as the numbers blink by on his way up. The low cut tops, the strategic bending, the sexual innuendos. He really needs this release and he hopes she knows what she’s in for.
He stands in front of the door for a few moments, wondering if he is making a mistake, but then he slides the key through the reader and walks into the suite. He hears muffled moans coming from the bedroom part of the suite and assumes she’s gotten started without him. But nothing could have prepared him for what was waiting in that room for him.
As he steps into the room he sees her on her knees in front of another woman who is bound to a chair and gagged. Her head is thrown back and she is moaning through her gag as her pussy is being licked and a Hitachi vibrator is pushed up to her clit. There’s something familiar about this woman, and then it starts to register…
“Kelly, is that you?”
Kelly’s head snaps up and her eyes widen in shock and horror as she realizes that not only is there someone else in the room, but just who that someone else is. She looks down between her legs and Samantha smiles back at her with the most deliciously evil grin I’ve ever seen.
“Surprise!” Samantha says.
I don’t know whose more confused, me or Kelly.
Samantha stands up and saunters over to me. She grabs my tie and begins to playfully run her hand over it. Then she uses it like a leash to guide me over to the bed and she lightly pushes me. I stumble back into a sitting position. I’m too dumbfounded to stop her or even speak. And before my mind has a chance to catch up, Samantha starts talking.
“I’m so glad you decided to open my present. I only wish I could have seen the look on your face when you saw those stockings.”
My mind is whirling, I almost feel a little dizzy.
“Kelly and I have recently forged quite the relationship, haven’t we sweetie.”
Kelly glares at her, then tries to speak but the gag prevents her from saying anything understandable. She begins to pull at her arm and leg restraints but nothing budges. Samantha walks over to her, grabs her cheeks and gets right in her face.
“Just relax sweetie, you won’t be here much longer, but you aren’t going anywhere until I’m ready. Do you understand me?”
Her tone is extremely icy and Kelly’s face changes from anger to fear. Samantha turns and looks back at me, her face softening and her tone returns back to its normal sweetness.
“I know it’s been a rough year for you, after what this little tramp put you through. She never deserved you Mr. Steel. And then you were too heartbroken to even move on. Nothing I did could snap you out of your sadness, and Lord knows I tried very, very hard.”
As she speaks she gets down on all fours and starts crawling to me, ass shaking in the air. I’m mesmerized by her, and all I can do is watch and listen.
“I finally realized that what you needed was a good healthy dose of revenge. You walk in on that fucking slut sucking an intern’s cock. Now she’s going to watch you get your cock sucked by your secretary. It’s actually pretty poetic, don’t you think.”
She’s made her way over to me, is on her knees right in front of me, and has begun unbuckling my belt. I just look down at her in complete shock, willing my mind to catch up and react as she pulls my now painfully rock hard cock out of my pants and begins stroking me.
I look up at Kelly and she looks so scared. This has gone far enough. There is no way I’m going to allow this to happen. I grab Samantha by the hair and yank her to her feet as I stand. Her face flashes confusion and then sadness.
I forcefully pull her face close to mine and she winces in pain and panic starts to set in.
“Do you think that forcing her to watch you suck my cock is going to erase all the hurt and anger I’ve felt for the past year?” I scream in her face.
“I’m so sorry Sir,” she stutters. “I…..I just thought I read you differently. I thought this would be perfect. I did it for you. I’m so sorry, please forgive me.”
The way she’s pleading almost makes me feel bad for how I’m reacting….almost.
“Oh, sweet girl. You don’t understand. You may have missed the mark a little, but I’m very, very pleased with what you put into motion here.”
I drag her over and onto the bed.
Her eyes widen, but then her face settles into an evil smile and she starts to peel off her dress.
Without another word I turn and walk over to Kelly, look her straight in the eye, and begin attaching the Hitachi to her leg so that it rests right on her clit. She looks up at me, eyes pleading, arms and legs trying futilely to move. I switch on the vibrator, medium setting, and she instantly begins moaning and cursing through the gag. Just enough stimulation to drive her crazy without allowing her to cum.
I bend down eye level with her, give her a giant smile and say, “Merry Chirstmas, I hope you enjoy the show.”
Lynn Quinn identifies mostly as submissive in the world of kink, but has also been exploring her dominant and switch sides. In 2015 she stumbled across Fetlife while searching for an outlet for her kinky desires that were all fantasies up until that point. She has met so many wonderful people that have helped her explore and have guided her towards self acceptance. In her personal life, she loves to write and is excited to merge her passion for writing with her love of kink.
This video is hot. From the clever camera angles, some sexy florentine flogging, and just not quite ever being able to make out anyone’s face-I could not stop watching. You’re in for some religious play, something we’ve yet to discuss on Kink Weekly! There’s also the unexpected ending…just you wait!- anniebear
First, before you play with one, you may be curious as to what a “little” is. I am going to give you the more widely accepted definition/explanation for what a little is. Although there are some that may define things differently. Some will define being a little as being completely separate from age-play, for example. I will do my best to explain it how I have come to understand it via friends that identify as such, as well as participate in groups dedicated to age play.
Age play is a term used to cover those that participate in a certain fetish for behaving and/or regressing in a way that is more typical of ages younger than they are chronologically.
>>Age play does NOT imply anything related to ACTUAL incest or pedophilia.<<
Under the umbrella of age play there are several identifiers. Adult baby, little, and middle. Adult baby typically refers to someone who identifies with age 0-2 approximately. Some may identify within a few years older but not beyond diaper wearing years. A little usually identifies between AB and 9 or 10 approximately. The term “little” can also be used as an umbrella term for all three of these categories. Much like “D/s” is a specific power exchange dynamic but is also used as a global reference to any power exchange. The third identifier is middle which usually refers to someone that associates their “little space” to an age that is still a child but a bit older – pre-teen thru adolescence.
So to make it a bit easier I will be using the term “little” for the remainder of this article as the more global, or umbrella, term. It will refer to those that identify as an AB, little or middle. The defining difference for a little (as opposed to a babygirl, babyboy, or any roleplay including a minor like molestation/incest play) is regression. Regression is when your mind has to go back to a different age, it physically reverts to a younger age, when this happens the little does not think like a grown up, only the age they revert to.
If you go to a “littles party”, for example – at least here in LA – you will probably see the main play space filled with blankets, stuffed animals, chutes & ladders type board games, etc. Participants might be dressed in diapers, onesies, and/or footed pajamas. There will probably be a lot of coloring books, crayons, markers, playdoh, and other craft items. IF the party allows kinky play you will most likely find separate rooms available for that – away from the main area.
This is the part you need to pay attention to if you are negotiating play with someone that identifies as a little. First, find out what their definition of little is for them. It may be that their definition for little is closer to my definition of babygirl/boy (look for an article soon where I compare them) or that they identify as a little simply because they have a few childlike traits in their personality. In these cases you may not have much issue in terms of integrating their “little side” with kink. However, if they define “little” closer to how I (and many others) define it, then that may be a different story. If someone does more of a regression to the age of a child then it is possible that kinky play and/or sexual acts can be abusive. It can trigger trauma for them or become a more traumatic scenario. This is why it’s important to have a very honest conversation about what being in “little space” means for them, what they enjoy doing during that time, and what is off limits. Also, discuss whether the scene will be completely in “little space”, “adult space”, or if it might be a combination. A combination may be a bit trickier and require very specific planning. For many, kink can be integrated into little space if it makes sense – such as disciplining the “child” with a spanking.
Overall, the topic of littles and age-play can get very complicated. I hope I’ve at least cleared up a few questions if you had any. The main take away here is to make sure the negotiation for a scene is very honest and clear – on both sides. Don’t shy away from playing with littles – it can be a very fun and unique experience!
Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.