It was March, 2014. I had been to a munch the previous week and was absolutely dying to go to an actual play party. I was working a dead end retail job at the time and was checking my Fetlife for events. Remember when Fetlife was shiny and new and you were on it every moment looking for messages?! One event popped up that piqued my interest; “Gentlemen In Charge, a high protocol play party for male Dominants and female submissives”. I liked gentlemen, but I definitely liked it more when they were in charge! I was sold! In my brain I’m thinking a room full of Dominant men and me…..pretty scary but so so so hot. This was my ultimate fantasy, something /I’d always dreamed about. But what to do?! The party was in a mere four hours so I’d have to go by myself…and think of something to wear. I sent a text to my sister who is both kinky and out for advice on what to wear and do. She talked me off my ledge and said if all else fails, wear a black dress. Just to be on the safe side, I posted in the Gentlemen in Charge group asking for clarification on the dress code. To my surprise, a few people responded back and cleared it up for me! I even got a nice message from another female who would be in attendance if I needed a buddy. This was working out to be better and better! I dashed out of work at the end of my shift and knew I barely had time to go home, dress, and then make my way back across town in time for the party. The event listing urged people not to be late or risk interrupting the pre-party class/instruction. In my head I knew I would DIE of embarrassment if I were late.
At home I tore though my closet. Looking back on the moment now, I’m simply astonished that I did not own more lingerie. At the time I think I had two garter belts, a bustier, and a few modest 1950’s era slips to my name. The times have definitely changed! I agonized as the clock as ticking and finally went with a black slip, some mint green panties with garters and nude stockings. I had a short bob haircut at the time so was going for a 1920s vibe. Back then, Gentlemen in Charge required the female submissives to wear a collar. Luckily I had recently picked up a collar from Pleasure Chest (I didn’t even know about the famed Stockroom yet). I threw on some red lipstick and flew out the door. Now mind you I was visibly shaking a this point. I was a lone twenty-something female about to go to a dungeon play party. It doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence!
I arrived at Sanctuary, the party venue LATE! I sat in my car, adrenaline pulsing through me. I was sweating and freezing and flushed all at the same time. I can’t believe I blew it and was late. How I convinced myself to get out of the car and into the building beats me. You have to ring a buzzer at Sanctuary to be let in and I was shaking like a leaf. The person at the front desk asked for my RSVP name (I had enough sense to make sure I had done that much) and informed me that classes had already begun and told me the females were gathered in Hades. (??????) Hades?! “What’s a Hades?” I thought. I felt too stupid to ask for any clarification and just walked right in. I went down a short corridor, turned the corner and there was a room full of what looked like fifty men! They were all listening to a man bathed in red light on the stage, the teacher for the pre-party class. I froze like a deer caught by a hunter. A man directly to my right quietly asked me if I needed assistance to the ladies class and I gratefully accepted as he lead the way. It seemed like the gentleman part was working out so far.
I entered a small room (with the name Hades on the door, huzzah!) in the back and it was full of women of all ages, races, and types of dress. Looking around I felt slightly out of place. Women were dressed in beautiful corsets and collars, blouses and dresses. I shrunk myself against a wall, sitting on the floor because the room was at capacity and listened. The instructor, a known Dominatrix was talking about high protocol. The lesson went straight over my head having been so new and foolishly unlearned in the way of kink. It was definitely great people watching as I wondered who everyone was and if they were new too. The class wrapped up and we were informed to join the men for social hour. My nerves returned full force! A woman approached me and asked if I was anniebear. It was Subbiepoppy, the person who had messaged me! I was saved…kind of. Well, I at least had a person to latch onto. She introduced me around to her group and everyone was extremely nice. I then made a beeline to the bar. Let’s be honest, I needed some liquid courage. A few men approached me and kindly introduced themselves. I think they could tell I had a bit of that caged wild bird look to me as they were all gentle and did not invade my space.
One thing that struck me about the crowd I general was that not everyone looked like a supermodel like in the movies. Yes I sound like an asshole but no one talks about this part of kink where you get used to the Hollywood stereotypes and don’t realize what the reality is. These were just normal, kind people. There were all types of looks and the men were not wearing black capes and carrying whips and the women were not all flighty little nymph types wrapped in rope (That would come later). It was a relief. You could look however you wanted to look and be any age and that was ok. In fact, I was impressed with how nicely dressed the men were in their suits. The women all seemed so confident as some undressed down to lingerie and underwear. I started to wonder, could I do that to? Would I find someone to play with tonight?
A man that introduced himself earlier as “Velvet” came back around and we chatted some more. He understood I was new and we talked about what my experience had been like so far. I went back to Subbiepoppy and the safety net of the other girls. One of them asked me if I wanted to play with him and I said I wasn’t sure if I had the nerve. I asked if she knew the guy and she said she did and had seen him around and that he was a good play partner. The wheels in my head started turning. I gave myself a pep talk and told her I wanted to do it! She said she would help me negotiate the scene (I do remember the Dominatrix mentioning negotiations during the class). Thus began the start of my very first play scene ever and in public, which is fitting because I am now such an exhibitionist.
I approached Velvet and asked if we could play and he agreed (yippy…and oh shit!). I told him my friend would help me negotiate. It seems normal now but looking back this was probably one of the single weirdest conversations I had ever had. I didn’t even know where to begin so I rattled off a bunch of stuff I did NOT want to happen which included bleeding, sex, kissing, nails on my skin, and tickling. I was off to a good start. Then is got down to things that interested me; I had no clue. I thought back on my different sex partners and some of the things I liked that they did. “I like spanking and whipping with a belt?”-yea I added the question mark uptick to my statement. After not talking about these things for so many years, it’s a very odd feeling to finally say out loud what you would like a man to do to you. “I like hair pulling.” It was getting a little easier. I honestly really lucked out on a first play partner. He took more time with me going over a few more likes, dislikes and limits. He then asked what my safeword would be to which I gave him a deer in the headlights face. Of course I knew what one was but I could not think of a single word that stuck out in my brain, no blueberry or panda bear or nothing! He explained the stop light colors to me, red, yellow, and green. He also went a bit further and said he may ask where on a scale of 1-10 was I in that color. So if I said yellow and he asked what number and I said 8, that mean I was rapidly approaching red. That really knocked my socks off.
We went in search of a place to play and my brain started whirling again about how naked I was going to get. To my delight we found a room down a hallways that was slightly obscured so not every person walking by would see me. My friend promised to stop by to check on me as well as the dungeon monitors who were helping the party. He sat his bag down and I sheepishly asked what clothes I was supposed to take off. He said whatever I wanted to. I turned my back and slowly removed my slip. I was standing in just my bra, panties, and stocking and had an “aw fuck it” moment and removed my bra. Everyone else was naked, why shouldn’t I be?! And in that moment I felt free and liberated, and nervous as hell. What if this man, this stranger actually hurt me? What if I hated it or freaked out? What if he forgot or broke the extensive rules we discussed? Just then I saw my friend peak her head around the corner and give me a thumbs up. I blew a sigh of relief and gave her a thumbs up right back.
From then on our scene began. While I cannot remember every detail of the scene now, in retrospect Velvet was an incredibly talented flogger. Flogging in particular can look very scary and painful to a newbie but it was actually wonderful and felt so good to me. I loved the feel of the leather on my back and butt. I also remember on mortifying moment where a Wartenberg wheel got stuck in the lace of my stocking. I just took those off at that point too! Velvet took me through a variety of implements and types of play. I truly could not have asked for a better first play scene. Velvet, if you’re reading this, thank you!
Velvet drew the scene to a close and I was soaring! He asked if I needed any aftercare and I couldn’t even think straight! We eventually got me dressed, cleaned up the room and walked back out to the main party and everyone had practically left, it was nearly 1:30am! Time flies when you’re having fun. I drank some water, we exchanged information as he wanted to check on me the next day and he walked me to my car. That my friends, was the beginning of my journey, I was hooked!
anniebear is a submissive living with her partner Dexx in Los Angeles. She enjoys writing, modeling for friends, animal rescue, and teaching herself how to cook. You can catch her on Fetlife or Facebook.
Ernest Greene says
Terrific account. Thanks for sharing it with us. No matter how old we are now we were all newbies at one time and the emotions you describe are familiar to anyone who has had that experience.
It’s funny to me how many parallels there were with your story and my wife’s. She had that same eureka moment when she realized that everyone wasn’t a porn star or supermodel. She had that same “fuck it” moment with her clothes.
The thing that has most impressed both of us has been the respect that folks have shown us, and how that respect has a side effect of getting us to push our boundaries.
Mr. Bubba says
I appreciate how candid and honest you were on this.