ACME BDSM Toy Catalogue

Sometimes we all get a little too solemn in this lifestyle. The stereotype of the mean, stern-faced Dom/me (does Christian Grey ever smile or tell a joke?) is rather pervasive. So, I think it is time to have a little fun. This article is not meant to be taken seriously.

Presenting, the ACME BDSM TOY CATALOGUE!

One of the beauties of BDSM is that the number of toys available is virtually endless. And new ones are invented all the time.

The latest trend in toys seems to be electrical ones. Remote control vibrators and butt plugs using radio-frequency controllers are becoming quite popular. The Dom/me’s electrical toy box is more than just violet wands.

Just as graphite shafts changed the game of golf, graphite canes are changing the face of caning. Canes are now made out of every material imaginable. It’s not just rattan anymore!

And with Virtual Reality on the horizon, who knows where it will lead.

It is in this tradition (and with our tongue firmly in our cheek) that kinkweekly.com presents a sneak peek at some of the items that will be featured in the Internet debut
of the “ACME BDSM TOY CATALOGUE.”

1. The “Auto-Flogger” Great for new Dom/mes, you just hold the handle steady
and Auto-Flogger does the rest! Can be set from “Florentine” to straight
flogging and many patterns in between. It has a meter that sets the flogging
from soft to hard. The deluxe version comes with a stroke counter.

2. “Heavy Hands” For the over-the-knee oriented Dom/me interested in impressing his/her submissive with the power of his/her spanking, these flesh colored and virtually
undetectable “second skin” gloves are loaded with lead and pack quite a wallop.
For the Dom/me it’s truly, “No pain, lots of gain!”

3. “Helium Weights” These devices, which look exactly like heavy lead
fishing weights, are molded plastic filled with helium and are virtually weightless.
Great for the scenester couple who want to impress at play parties. Hooked to
nipple clamps, or any piercings, these “weights” get a definite WOW from any crowd.

4. “Sound Chip Cane” These graphite canes actually have our patented “THWACK
and OW” sound chip in them. Lightly touch the sub and the cane does the rest. The
deluxe version comes with semi-permanent blue die which rubs off on the sub’s
butt creating impressive marks.

5. “Sound Chip Bullwhip” Can’t get your bullwhip to crack? Why bother with
hours of boring practice when ACME’s patented sound chip technology creates a
better crack than even a skilled Dom/me can make? Combined in a scene with the
sound-chip cane, you can be an Instant-Super-Dom/me!

6. “One-Way Blindfolds” These blindfolds look opaque to the naked eye. But
put them on and the sub can see everything. Great for the subbie who does
not trust her Dom/me!

7. “Blood-Spurting Knife” Want to do edge play without the edge? ACME’s
line of fake knives are just the ticket. Patterned after props used in movies,
just run the “blade” over subbie’s ass and watch the “blood” flow. Used in
combination with our “sound chip” products, anyone can go from wimp
to sadist in minutes.

8. “Brand-o-Matic” This looks like an actual branding iron but look again!
It is actually a high tech device that (again using our patented sound chip
technology) makes the SSSSSSS sound of the branding, shoots out hot smoke,
makes the flesh-burning smell and leaves a seemingly raised brand-mark (which
washes off in a week). Truly amazing!

9. “Velcro Collars” Actual velcro collars and velcro chastity belts turn a diss into a fashion statement. And when used in conjunction with many of ACME’s other fine products, anyone can go from Dumb to Dom/me in minutes!

ACME will soon be introducing its line of Virtual Reality toys. With these, you don’t have to even be in the same room with your partner. Or even in the same country. Stay tuned!

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.