Up until now, there has been a tendency to aim our articles toward people with a working knowledge of BDSM. But what about the total beginner? Is that person to be ignored? That is about to change. I had gotten a question from an absolute beginner. I think it is important these new lifestylers are given the benefit of the more experienced players’ knowledge. After all, everyone was a beginner once!
Reader: I am absolutely new to the BDSM scene. I have used clothespins on my wife’s nipples. She enjoyed them but I don’t know where to take this type of play. Do you have any ideas for my next step?
Baadmaster: There is a saying, “I’d rather be lucky than good.” In your case, you are fortunate to have started your BDSM journey in the world of “clips, zippers and clamps,” which is a great place to begin. I can safely assume that you were married before you discovered BDSM and, like many couples, want to add some excitement to your play. You are on the right track. Let’s give you some ideas about where you should go from here.
The next step is discussing some play protocols with your wife. Obviously, you should tell her that she has a safe word. (A safe word, usually “red,” stops play when the submissive feels that she/he has had enough.) You should also give her an idea of the general arc of your play. Put her at ease that you are not a bust-out sadist (at least at this point!) and you are going to proceed slowly with her. When you get into more intensive scenes, make sure you tend to aftercare – which is to make sure she is back to ground-zero after a scene. The key is to establish trust so that you can take her to the next level.
Once you set up the basic rules for your scenes, it is time to expand your play. Here are a few ideas.
Different types of clamps. A trip to the nearest “Home Depot” type store will serve you well. Here you can find clamps of every description. Small adjustable C-camps not only give you control over how hard they bite, but they also pack a visual wallop. A few aisles over, look for a pack of mousetraps. Yes, mousetraps. Mousetraps on the nipples look a lot more ferocious than they are. Which makes them great for fear play. Snap them in front of your submissive before you put them on. Open them up and carefully place them (don’t snap!) on your wife’s breasts and watch her scream — more out of fear than pain. Small locking pliers should also be added to your toy bag. A hardware store and you imagination are a great combination.
Different areas of the body. Don’t limit your clothespin play to just the nipples; put on the labia, the back or anywhere your imagination takes you. You can also put groupings of clothespins on certain parts of the body (like the breasts) and run a cord through them. This is called a “zipper” and enables you to pull the clothespins off in one grand motion. This can be quite painful – so be careful. Make sure you start with clothespins that are not of the “jaws of death” variety.
Clips, clips, clips. Another establishment that can be a veritable warehouse of BDSM toys is your local stationary store. Here you will find all kinds of paper clips of varying sizes and strengths that can be used on your wife. Each type of clip creates unique sensations; only by experimenting can you find those that are most effective for you. But the fun is often in the experimentation!
Suction cups. Here is a fun suggestion. Purchase a “cupping set” at a BDSM toy store or online. Once used in the late 19th century to draw blood to the surface of the skin in a wacky attempt to heal everything from kidney stones to the common cold, cupping now has a solid place in our world. Put a suction cup on your wife’s nipples and watch her react to the sensations. The increased blood supply will also make them ultra-sensitive. Placed on the clit…well, you get the idea.
Be Inventive. As you are a beginner, you are in a great place to be — because everything is new. Just a hair brush or a ping pong paddle can become a BDSM adventure. Before you move on to the world of floggers, whips and canes, there are lots of toys that are not exclusive to the bondage world that are easily adaptable to ours. Can you spell “loofah”? (I can’t. LOL!).
Chains for Beginners Karabiners are spring-loaded links that can be put together to form a chain of any length. They usually come in packs of three for a buck at sporting goods stores. Simply awesome!
These are just a few suggestions to help you expand the range of play — maybe into ropes — in your scenes. With just a little imagination, and a trip to the local “BDSM chain store,” you will have everything you need to take the next step!
About the Author
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.