Definition: “Coca-Cola Dominance.” In a D/s relationship, when a Dominant asks only for behavior that the submissive would do anyway.
I had touched on the “Coca-Cola Dominance” question in a previous kinkweekly.com article, “Does being in love diminish a Dom/me’s power?” In theory, love does make the Dom/me less likely to release the sub and thus diminishes the Master/Mistress’s greatest threat. Thus, less power. But a monarch does not have to rule by intimidation. And the power drain of saying “I love you” can be made up in other ways — the sub’s love for her Dom/me might make her/ him a better slave. Surely, a “Coca-Cola” Dom/me and submissive might have a relationship with 100% obedience – then again I get 100% compliance at any McDonalds. Dominance and submission, in my opinion, should have some degree of difficulty or it is not D/s.
Anyone can be a slave if Master only asks things that the slave could do easily — like drinking Coke and not Pepsi. In the world of BDSM relationships, even when things are going swimmingly, a Master/Mistress must ask for things that stretch the sub’s “expectation range.” The Master/Mistress must ask for things outside this range if only to reinforce Dominance. A personal example: my newly collared slave wanted to order clam chowder at a restaurant. I simply said “No.” For no other reason than to say “No.” I really could care less if she had clam chowder. But she wanted it and I thought it was a good place to show her that she eats what I want her to eat. She made no mention of it; she just ate her salad. She accepted it with not a second thought. She respected our contract, which included ordering food, and behaved accordingly. She passed my test, albeit an easy one.
Clam chowder aside, a Dom/me may need to periodically, and deliberately, require a slave to do things they don’t like. Call it pushing soft limits or a test, the purpose in doing so is to remind the slave that he/she must submit to her Dom/me, even when it’s difficult to do so. Neither Dominance nor submission should be taken for granted. Besides, pushing limits is fun – and let’s not forget we are all in this for fun!
All of this dovetails into the broader – and very important — question of how to keep a long term Master/slave relationship alive. It’s not good for Master/Mistress or slave to allow D/s to lapse or get lazy – most notably by allowing “Coca-Cola D/s” to become the day-to-day hierarchy. Dominance and submission is very difficult to maintain if it isn’t actively practiced.
I think to be able to serve or be served without fear for the relationship should be the aim of any long-term D/s relationship. That’s not so easy to achieve. And going “Coca-Cola” doesn’t seem to me to be a viable solution. It might work for a scene at a play party or a short term relationship, but – even in a vanilla relationship – there must be demands placed on both parties. In our ever evolving lifestyle (which we will be discussing at DomConLA’s “Old Guard vs. New Guard” panel presentation May 20th) there are still some bedrock principles that should be respected. First among them is that “Coca-Cola Dominance” is not dominance “Coca-Cola submission” is not submission!
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.