Does Size Matter?

evaMistress Eva-

Recently, at a BDSM discussion group, there was a Domme with a male submissive – on a chain — who was easily twice her size. Somehow, the conversation turned to this arrangement when the Domme acknowledged that, even in this diverse community, this relationship seemed unusual. The question of whether you must be able to physically dominate your sub became the question of the hour.

The Domme stated , “ Obviously, I am unable to physically overpower my slave boy. As much as I loom over everyone in my mind, I must admit that I am… well… short.” The question became, does dominance have anything to do with size. Although all things physical factor in as the basis of any D/s relationship, the answer is “no.”

For example, Napoleon was able to dominate a whole world and he was rather small.  Michelle Yeoh, the amazing Chinese female martial artist from the “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” film series, is very small.  If she wanted to, she could physically dominate just about anyone. As could Jackie Chan, if he so desired. (Master Chan?)

One of the most impressive Doms I know is a very diminutive man. He can not physically dominate a submissive anymore than Martin Short can physically dominate The Rock. Yet his fetish is to dominate very tall female submissives. In this pursuit he is amazingly successful.

Keep in mind that D/s is a power exchange. Once the submissive gives the power to the dominant, size should not enter into the equation anymore.  Restraints, shackles and a whole galaxy of BDSM furniture give can the Domme all the physical tools for dominance she needs. The key here is mastering the BDSM equipment. Once you become familiar with all the items and how to use them, your submissive will be completely at your mercy.

For example, put your submissive into stocks and see how totally in command you are. Stocks, suspension devices and even rope can turn even a 300-pound submissive into your plaything. You can totally dominate him.  That’s what this equipment was invented for in the first place. The skillful use of BDSM equipment and toys is the great equalizer. Because if it were truly a case of the strongest being the most dominant – then I would stop writing these articles and open up a Dom/me gym.

Certain equipment, in and of itself, can also bring out extreme submissiveness. That is an added bonus. For example, some subs become especially docile when tied in rope; others respond dramatically to being chained to a board; still others to being suspended. This is where the dominant’s BDSM skills, both mental and physical, come into play. A hundred pound Domme can totally control a refrigerator-sized submissive by knowing what subby buttons to push.

Another Domme chimed in. “But my sub views being overpowered as essential to feeling dominated.” If your submissive is so stuck in his mindset that — even after he is completely dominated by your BDSM skills — he still feels he is missing something because you did not literally overpower him, then there is little you can do. It is much like a man who can only get excited by a six-foot tall blond dressed in an Astronaut’s uniform. If this is the only thing that gets him off, with little wiggle room, then you can talk about it until you are blue in the face; there is not much you can do to change this.

Remember, as I have said at nauseam, there is no one way to do BDSM. And though it might be easier to dominate a smaller submissive, that does not mean it is the only way to go. BDSM offers the short person the ability to become very powerful using the mind and a set of skills – something the vanilla world seems not to offer.

Happy Fourth of July!!!

About the Author

After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.


  1. likeadom says:

    Interesting article and perspective

  2. dungeonmistress says:

    Never thought of this topic before. Good thing to ponder about.

    • Actually, Mistress, I had not either until that discussion group. But then I thought about a male vanilla (who knows what I do and tried it but didn’t like it) friend of mine who is 5’3″ and does not do well as a result in the height/looks/age obsessed vanilla world. Thus I thought it was time to pat ourselves on the back in that we welcome height/age/race disparate couples into our world. More to come! Happy Fourth!!!

  3. whippingqueen says:

    I love how you bring to light so many lesser thought about topics. I would be curious to read more on this.

    • whippingqueen, I was thinking about expanding on the difference between vanilla and BDSM with respect to “dating criteria,” as I said in my previous reply regarding the 5’3″ man who is having trouble in the vanilla dating scene. Check back as I formulate this observation into a full-blown article.

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