Domination Without Humiliation

With the proliferation of Pro Dommes on the Internet, one would think Domination always entails humiliation. Granted, the Pro Domme community might be the one group that is keeping the traditional protocols of BDSM alive – surely the “Fifty Shades” Millennials are not doing it. Nevertheless, to the casual observer, it would appear that humiliation is an integral part of all Fem Domme activities. But what of those – masochists especially – who simply want their balls busted? Since few articulate their play needs, I am here to offer a purely “play only” beginners guide to CBT or Cock and Ball Torture. Without any humiliation!

As a beginner, whenever you are doing a BDSM scene that entails pain, avoiding injury is one of the prime directives, as Captain Picard would say. The cock and balls have ultra-sensitive pain centers for a very important reason – they are integral to our species survival (Darwin 101) and pain is the warning light that there is danger of injury. The correlation between pain and injury is thus significant when dealing with this area of the body. And the genitals are one area you simply don’t want to permanently injure. (This might not be as true for flogging on the butt. You can really flail away with a lot of pain here before you start to cause serious or permanent injury.) Although causing pain is one of the objectives in cock and ball scening, a good Dominant learns the skill of administering pain while keeping on the safe side of the injury line. This can be hard to learn when dealing with CBT – with its extreme pain and potential for injury — for the very first time.

If you are new to CBT, here is a two-part system that is both safe and fun. The first part is to agree on safe words and safe signals. Second, make a list of about a dozen CBT scenes that you would like to attempt, intrigue you or turn you on. Here, by way of example, is what might be a typical list.

1. Crushing the male’s testicles under high heels.
2. Using a leather ball ring to stretch the balls.
3. Adding weights to the leather ball ring.
4. Clothespins on the scrotum.
5. Rope bondage — tying up the balls.
6. Rope bondage – tying up the shaft.
7. Rope bondage – tying up the shaft and balls.
8. Using a “cock cage” on the penis shaft.
9. Using a “cock cage” on the balls.
10. Wax play.
11. Ice play.
12. Abrasion play.

Now, here is the important part. Rate these activities in terms of ease of learning and relative safety. Let’s get specific. In this list, I would say number eleven, ice play, is the easiest to learn and the least dangerous. Start here. Use ice on a bound bottom’s scrotum. Try it for various periods of times. Become experienced in ice play; then move on to the next CBT scene. I would say that number four – clothespins — are the next in our reverse safety order. Clothespins, although they look formidable, are really quite a benign tool, in terms of danger – especially when compared to other tools of torture in the BDSM arsenal. Clothespins can be applied gently; you can find wooden ones, which do not snap all that tightly; you control their ferocity by the total of clothespins used in the scene. They might look incredibly sadistic — but they are rarely fatal. You can continue on down the list as you get more experienced as both Top and bottom and know each other better. But still observe your safe words!

Notice that humiliation – such as “your worthless little shaft” – is not part of these activities. And it does not have to be. If degradation is not your thing there is no reason to skip your need for CBT because of it. Play is what you make it!

Using the system I have outlined, beginners can work themselves up gradually both in terms of difficulty and edginess. All on an S&M level and without humiliation.

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.