As we all start returning to our usual pre-covid ways, I would guess that one of the problems specific to our lifestyle is the “If you don’t use it you lose it” principle. I know my flogging skills have deteriorated quite a bit. As an example, I was playing with a new sub last Saturday and actually missed the target get a couple of times. Fortunately, I was aware that when dealing with ropes, canes and floggers it is easy to screw up after an enforced “vacation.” The oft-quoted principle of “Dominant Infallibility”comes up very short after a layoff. This article, in place of my usual ”Ask BaadMaster”column, is a collection of tips to make your transition back into our world of dungeons and discipline a little easier. So here goes:
- Go Slow. My first tip, distilled from my experiences as outlined in the introduction, is to “Go Slow.” Just as athletes take it slow when returning from an injury, we should too. This is especially true in impact play. And this +approach would apply to the bottoms/subs too. Like it or not, subs can be very demanding. So when first playing, don’t goad the Top into hitting you harder. We waited so long to get back our play spaces, one week or two won’t be that critical
- Opportunity knocks.. If you are in a no-protocol or low-protocol relationship, it is easy to add a few rituals to your arsenal. For example, after your sub comes home on a Friday night and you have cleared out some play time, instruct her/him to perform a greeting ritual. Typically, the sub kneels in front of the Dominant and kisses his feet. Or, introduce some leash and collar play. Either of these not only adds a new dimension to your sub’s submission, but it also helps transition him/her from the basically vanilla world of quarantine to BDSM play. Just adding a little extra pre-D/s can work wonders when you finally get back to BDSM.
- Add a new toy. I know you have lots of toys, but I doubt you own every one that is made! Search for a new toys at the local sex shop or online BDSM store. It might take a some effort, but as the martial artists (and sadists, too) say, “No pain, no gain!”
- Add some discipline into your play life. This can get a bit tricky, because you cannot suddenly become a stern disciplinarian when you have not been one a year or more. I would tackle an area you have been neglecting. For example, have her wear a specific makeup that gets you hot; tell her to dress in fetish clothes or demand she do specific acts that you have discussed but have not gotten around to doing. Every couple has a few of these. If she refuses, then you can get into the punishment mode that can also be exciting. (This is from an “Ask BaadMaster” query,)
- Use unique punishments. Since there is every chance your sub might not comply with your orders after a year or more away from the Dungeon,, you must devise some new and unique punishments that get you off and she has not experienced. For example, one punishment I find particularly effective is the use of a baby pacifier. Just the threat of making your partner wear one can have a profound impact. Many Dom/me’s use sexual deprivation as punishment. This is a great opportunity to expand your BDSM palette.
- Don’t forget rewards. This one is easy to overlook. Piercings, tattoos and BDSM jewelry might work perfectly, depending on your relationship. And, if you expand your reward criteria to the non-BDSM world, you will have no trouble rewarding your sub for her excellent behavior.
- Don’t call it a comeback! (Thanks, LL!) Don’t forget to include the most basic aspects of play when you are scening. It might seem obvious, but – even at the risk of looking foolish – go over safe words, safe signals and do not forget aftercare! Better to look foolish than be foolish.
- Read our archives. There are tons of great articles archived here on Kink Weekly! Not only can you be a more effective Dom/me or sub with additional knowledge, but you can short-circuit the time needed to get back into top form.
This pandemic has had widespread affects on just about every field of endeavor – from chess to BDSM play. But think of it as an opportunity. Since one key to our lifestyle is inventiveness, use this chance to be…inventive!!!
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.