Fear of Public Play

One tradition that has endured in our “post Fifty Shades” world is that of public play. Here a D/s couple performs a scene in front of strangers, usually at a dungeon play party. The most notable aspect of this tradition is that the submissive is usually naked – or as close to naked as the law allows. And being naked in front of strangers – and being flogged or caned or bound up – can elicit fear in any submissive. Especially if it is the first time.

One of the great things about BDSM is that it enables you to overcome fears and hang-ups that would probably continue to plague you were you to be in a vanilla relationship. And most of us have a lot of vanilla hang-ups that we bring to our BDSM world.

Many submissives – most people, in fact – are actually quite shy. And everyone has something they are shy about. For example, fear of public speaking is so ubiquitous that most Americans list that as their main fear in poll after poll. We are trained not only be shy in front of a group of strangers, but also to be especially shy and reticent about performing naked – which is what most public play scenes require. And if you come from the vanilla world (where most of us hail from), then you have been filled with fears and insecurities about being nude in front of a crowd.

By now you must realize is that you are not alone. Whenever you see a submissive at a dungeon play party effortlessly get on an apparatus, do not assume it was easy for the submissive. He/she might have had to overcome quite a number of fears to reach that point.

The first step toward conquering your fears is to trust your Dom/me. Always keep in mind that you are not only there to please him/her, but that he/she has your best interests at heart whenever a demand is made of you. If you truly do not believe this, you will not be able to overcome the barriers that he/she will be requesting you to conquer. A good Dom/me pushes your limits; so this will only be the first in a series of requests that might catch you off guard. (Of course, you should have an agreed upon safe word.)

You must always keep in mind that you will be asked you to do things you would not ordinarily do. That is probably the most exciting part of our lifestyle. For if he only asks you to do things which you would ordinarily do – such as drink only Coke and not drink Pepsi – what does this prove? How exciting is being a “coca-cola submissive”?

Once you realize that public play and pushing limits are all part of the journey, and understand that fear is a natural emotion, you will not balk and will give it your best effort. Your Dom/me, I am sure, will give you a many chances to perform in public. And once you experience the thrill of public play, you will understand why it is worth overcoming your fears for. Additionally, the bonding power of losing your “public BDSM virginity” will bring you two closer together than you could ever imagine.

Remember, you cannot lose your sexual virginity twice. But you can lose you BDSM virginity many times. The same fear – and excitement – that you felt when you first lost your sexual virginity can be reproduced in the BDSM world. And, in most cases, you are older, wiser and more selective in your choice of mate.

So, assuming being publicly naked is not a hard limit, and you are able to overcome your inherent shyness, you will be looking forward, with great anticipation, to your next “show.” That is why public play is so popular in the BDSM world.

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.