By now, most of us are tired of the covid world we are living in. And this is especially true in the BDSM world of closed dungeons, social distancing, mask wearing and “this will be over soon” media pronouncements. Well, I have good news for you. From now on, I will be “writing for the future” with little pandemic pandering. With this in mind, this week’s question is about exhibitionism – a BDSM activity that really took a huge hit in this frustrating world but will soon be making a “comeback”. And since these questions come from my “query vault,” I can pick those that address tomorrow’s issues, not today’s. Can I hear some applause?! So, here is the question:
Reader: I love to show-off my slave, and I really like being kinky in public. I’d like to explore new ways to enjoy D/s with an audience. Do you have any suggestions?
Exhibitionism can be divided into two categories. The first one is what I call “controlled” exhibitionism. Here you show off your slave to your own group of fellow BDSM pervs. Typically, this is done at play parties, usually in private homes or at members-only dungeons – such as the legendary Lair de Sade in Los Angeles. There are clubs of this type in many major U.S. cities. This is probably the easiest and safest way to explore your interest in exhibitionism in a controlled environment. For not only is there a built-in audience, but there is also no worry about “pain-in-the-ass innocent bystanders.” (A quote for the Godfather fans among you.) These clubs usually have many stations with BDSM equipment and even stages for you to show off your slave. You can get as kinky as the house rules – and local laws – allow. And your exhibitionism does not have to involve scening. Outrageous states of undress are embraced here. So if you want your slave half naked, three quarters naked or totally naked, by all mean go for it! As every good exhibitionist needs voyeurs to enjoy the show, where better to find a group of voyeurs than at a dungeon party? The beauty is that here you can start slowly and learn about your slave and what type of exhibitionism turns both of you on. Do you like your slave in fetish clothes, various states of undress, or led around by a collar and chain? Do you like to torture your slave in public? What does your slave enjoy or detest? The dungeon gives you a great environment to experiment, replete with an appreciative audience. You can also get great ideas from fellow showoffs here – which will improve your exhibitionist skills. All in a safe, user-friendly environment.
The second category of exhibitionism is what I call “public exhibitionism.” Here the audience is the public at large. I think that part of the appeal of this edgy practice comes from its danger. And dangerous it is. Some jurisdictions take “indecent exposure,” as they call it in the legal system, pretty seriously. Fines, jail time and community service can be a consequence of being caught. In this game there are many levels – from beginner to advanced! Quick flashing can be considered an entry-level type of exhibitionism. I would have your slave dress in such a way (if female, no panties under the skirt while kilts work for a male sub) so you conveniently “flash and dash.” (I like that term. It’s a keeper!) Advanced exhibitionism would probably encompass public sex. Here it gets a little risky. It takes planning and keen observational skills to get away with public sex if that is where you want to take this. I personally had public sex at a BDSM social at Sportsman’s Lodge – and it was awesome. Since you say you want an audience, this area of exhibitionism should be approached with utmost caution. If children and policemen just happen to be unwitting witnesses as you have sex in a glass-enclosed elevator, you might have big problems! People into this type of exhibitionism take precautions so as not to get caught. Be careful.
One important omission – your query does not mention your slave’s preferences. You should always take his/her preferences into account before you delve into exhibitionism – whether semi-private or totally public. This ensures a great performance.
Exhibitionism has the widest range of just about any fetish out there. With this in mind, the only boundaries are your imagination and what type of exhibitionism you are into. And, most importantly, let’s not forget to discuss limits here. Your question asks, “I love to show-off my slave, and I really like being kinky in public,” with little mention of your slave’s hard limits. You should be aware of these limits beforehand. If you are combining BDSM play with exhibitionism, safe words and safe signals must be integral to the scene. I’ll be watching!
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.