“If you want someone to trust you, be trustworthy!”
Welcome 2017. As “Fifty Shades Darker” is due out this year, let’s not ignore the elephant in the room. While I cannot comment on a movie I have not seen (New Year’s Resolution #3 in last week’s article), I can predict it will bring a lot of new blood into the BDSM/kink/fetish scene.
Obviously, total newbies will not, by definition, know a lot about BDSM. But they do have a natural curiosity – otherwise why would they watch two BDSM oriented movies, no matter how accurate or inaccurate? So, let’s not discuss protocols and technical aspects of BDSM right now. Let’s instead give some practical tips that will facilitate D/s play at any level – especially when a Dom/me first meets a prospective submissive.
When a submissive meets a Dominant, it is very important that he/she is able to evaluate this potential Master, even if you met at a loud club and it is only for play “Should I trust this Dominant?” is usually the most pressing question on a submissive’s mind. And it is up to the potential Dominant to be confident enough to put the submissive at ease upon meeting. Whether high, medium or no protocol, a Dominant should have enough knowledge and skills – confidence built upon reality — to actually command a submissive.
Thus, I have compiled a list on how best to ”Inspire Submission” in a submissive — whether for a night or for a lifetime. (Or an almost lifetime!)
1. Knowledge is the lifeblood of all mastery. Even if you are a newbie Dom/me (everyone was a newbie once), the fact that you aspire to know more about BDSM will inspire confidence in any prospective slave or play partner. Be humble and don’t claim to know more than you do.
2. You should have mastered at least one other non-BDSM discipline. This could include being a computer gamer, a fireman, a carpenter, a pool player, a chef, a martial artist, a chess player, a pilot, a bodybuilder, a poet, a skateboarder, a craftsman, a guitarist, a bowler, a painter, a parent, a mechanic. The list is virtually endless. But you must understand the dynamics of “mastering” something, anything — no matter how obscure — before you can control another human being.
3. Being a “Lone Ranger” Master is no Master at all. Telling a prospective submissive that “I practice my own form of BDSM in my own private dungeon” sounds quite creepy. Even if you met online, have some real time kinky friends who are in a similar scene to vouch for you
4. You should have attended a BDSM play party. At first glance, this might seem a frivolous requirement. Not! Being disinterested in what other lifestylers do demonstrates a cavalier lack of interest in BDSM. Master computer techs go to computer conventions; master filmmakers go to the movies; master painters go to museums. You do not have to play; observing is sufficient. (Some Masters are averse to public play.) But you must see “how it’s done” before you play with your submissive.
5. You must master at least some areas of BDSM play. For example: crops, floggers, canes, whips, CBT, mummification, wax, hand-spanking or the paddle. Thus when you play, you will know what you are doing! Skill inspires the sub’s confidence in the Dom/me.
6. An inspiring Dom/me has a general sense of honor and honesty in all BDSM dealings. Submissives can pick up on dishonest Dom/mes! (And even go into the bathroom and check out any Dom/me on his/her smart phone.) When a submissive is confident in his/her Dom/me, submitting is really quite easy!
7. Inspire confidence simply by…inspiring confidence! Tell your potential partner the safety precautions you insist on. Such as you always use a safe word or you go slow when you first play. Find out his/her preferences and hard limits. And don’t bum rush this process. Learn about your prospective submissive in as much detail as possible at this stage. Trust cuts both ways.
Since trust is essential for a submissive to submit, your mantra should be, “If you want someone to trust you, be trustworthy!”
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.