This is a question that is self-explanatory. So here it is:
Reader: Orgasm control and denial are topics of interest for me. I’ve heard lots of good things, but also that it can cause negative side effects. What do you think? Any tips?
First things first. Can denial produce negative effects? Many old wives’ tales suggest this to be true. Some claimed that too much sex is bad; others said that denial is the road to ruination. In the Reefer Madness era, believe it or not, there were even ones that said you would go blind if you masturbated excessively. Yet the worst that happened to me is that I wear contact lenses. Negative effects from orgasm control are a similar urban sex legend. Sexual denial usually produces no negative effects — other than causing fewer orgasms in your life. Albeit bigger ones!
The purpose of orgasm manipulation is basically to make for better, bigger more intense orgasms. (Sounds like a late night TV advertisement for the Orgasmotron – but wait, there’s more!) Most of us practice a form of orgasm control even in the vanilla sex world. — most men delay orgasm for as long as possible to increase mutual pleasure. But in BDSM, we have raised this to an art form. Let’s look at the two major classes of devices used in orgasm control – the “chastity belt” and the “cock cage”.
Since many things old become new, the chastity belt for females is making a comeback. As we become a more egalitarian society, it was only natural to expect chastity devices to be equally available to all sexes. Or to put it into Mad Men advertising language, “Chastity devices ain’t just for men anymore.” The effect of a chastity belt worn by a submissive – both from a role play point of view and a control perspective – can be awesome. Recently, lightweight plastic/composite belts have replaced the old bulky leather/metal ones; these high-tech belts are not the heavy locked affairs of Elizabethan times. These modern versions are a unique (although expensive) way for a Dominant to establish the ultimate in orgasmic and sexual control.
The cock cage too has felt the advancement of technology in its development. From the early plastic versions (the CB 2000) to the modern stainless alloy types, just like face-masks, they are available in a myriad of designs. (Once this pandemic is over, you can use your spare face-masks for BDSM play!) But whether used for pleasure or punishment – or anything in between – ultimately the aim of such devices is to make your play more exciting.
There is no doubt that sexual denial can increase horniness. (Just go to a singles bar on a Friday right after work.) But if you practice sexual denial on purpose, you can increase the anticipation and raise the sexual excitement to a fevered pitch. “Don’t masturbate (or have sex) until I see you next week” is a popular Dominant’s technique that can turn the submissive into a horny, sex-crazed obsessive by the time they see each other.
Another technique of orgasm control is that of bringing a submissive to the brink of climax over and over again. Whether ending in a “ruined orgasm” or a “super orgasm,” this “tease and denial” technique can be done over a period of hours (or days…WOW!) and can be excruciatingly exciting. Coupling BDSM play with “tease and denial” in a s scene a great way to produce explosive orgasms.
There is one area I have left to last – the legendary training of a submissive to “cum on command.” This has an almost mythic quality to it; it appears to be the ultimate Dominant achievement. I have heard tales of a Master being able to order his slave to cum via telephone and the slave doing so without even touching herself. I personally have never witnessed this; nor have I ever achieved this feat.
What I have done is to train a submissive to become extremely sexually excited via a voice command. The training technique I use is to deny orgasm over a period of time, thus building a heightened state of arousal. Then you link your voice command to this excited state – by stating your command at the time of highest sexual arousal. This conditioned response training is one way to get closest to making the submissive “cum on command.” And maybe, using this technique over a period of time, it can actually be accomplished.
As with all my suggestions, they are just that – suggestions. So let me know your experiences. Good luck!
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.
Can subs ever use orgasm denial on their dominants? or is that not allowed?
What are your thoughts on chastity belts? Sanitary?