Mistress Eva with sub. Check out more pictures at https://www.youwillpleaseme.com/
One of the most popular — and exciting — features of D/s is the training of a submissive by a Dom/me. Usually this entails the use of both positive and negative reinforcement – the negative side typically being punishment. I had covered the technical aspects of punishment in two previous articles here on kinkweekly.com – The Punishment Manual Part 1 (https://www.kinkweekly.com/article-baadmaster/punishment-manual-part/) and The Punishment Manual Part 2 (https://www.kinkweekly.com/article-baadmaster/punishment-manual-part-ii/ ). But I wanted to address many questions that remained with regards to punishment.
I also wished to add a warning that BDSM life in the year 2018 would require. Unless you are in a long-term D/s relationship – and even if you are – I would take one important step before you start to train any submissive. Make sure you have a signed and/or videoed consensuality agreement with the submissive you are training – especially if you are using serious physical punishment in your schooling. In this day and age, one can never be too careful. Now back to the topic at hand!
Ideally, when a Dominant starts to train a submissive, the object is to mold the sub to the Dom/me’s specifications. The traditional BDSM – and most effective — way to do this is though the judicious use of punishment…and reward. Contrary to myth, punishment (meaning something the submissive truly hates as opposed to a spanking which he/she may secretly enjoy) by itself will not train a submissive or a slave successfully. Or at least not as effectively as the use of both punishment and reward.
In general terms, the Dominant trains his submissive to please him or her. One of the most fun things in BDSM (and surely the most popular) is training a submissive in ways to please the Dominant sexually. The Dom/me might train his/her submissive how to pleasure him/her orally, how to dress in a way that turns him/her on, how to make-up and even how to walk. So let’s peek into a submissive’s diary to see what being “trained to please your Master” really entails. (This is an actual slave’s diary!)
Sir called me over to present myself for inspection. I knew the routine well. After all, he had been training me to do it exactly his way for a month now. And his punishment for getting it wrong – sitting in the corner for an hour – is just too painful to bear. I spread my legs – bare, wearing five inch high heels and no panties as He had instructed – and stood in front of him, eyes cast down. He touched my pussy. He felt it. He put his fingers in it, into “his property” as he called it. I felt a rush of pride until he told me that I hadn’t done an acceptable job shaving my pussy.
He stared at me in silence, then he punished me by slapping my face once. It did not hurt; but it was so humiliating. I do not think I will ever forget to shave to his specifications again. It was that humiliating.
He then had me suck his cock. I did it exactly the way he had trained me, the ways he likes it. I was scared I might displease him like before; but he told me “good slave” as he got hard as a rock. Sir then had me use my hands to make him cum. Afterward, he praised me and told me how much I pleased him. This was made me feel so wonderful. I love pleasing Sir so much.
(Note: if this slave ever had “buyer’s remorse” for the face slapping, you will be glad you have a signed and/or videoed consensuality agreement. It is not ironclad legal insurance, but it sure helps if problems arise.)
In this above case, both punishment and reward were used so that the Dominant could get his slave to do things exactly the way he desired them. The punishment, in this case, did not entail extreme pain. A simple face slap did the trick because this Master understood his submissive well enough to know what she truly hated. Many times a Dominant automatically thinks a spanking or even a caning is the proper punishment. This is not necessarily the case — and surely not for a “painslut” (slang for a submissive who enjoys pain). The best punishment is that which the submissive hates. But the Dominant should never forget reward, either.
This use of both punishment and reward applies to non-sexual tasks as well. In BDSM “discipline” training – which ranges from proper use of etiquette to complex presentation rituals — the principles remain the same. A Dominant who only uses punishment as a training tool is using only half of his arsenal.
Of course, the obverse is true. Reward alone, too, is usually an inefficient training tool. When a submissive fails in tasks or training, swift punishment is perhaps the only way to call attention to this failure.
The Dominant, much like a parent, should strive to make all punishments consistent. And they should be administered in a calm manner. The Dom/me who loses his/her temper and punishes out of rage will lose his submissive’s respect. And maybe his submissive too!
About the Author:
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.
Maid Carolin says
the article describes it well. The symbiosis between dominance and obediently agree must.
Punishment must also be punishment. That’s the only way it works. I know it myself.
An open conversation is very important so that it is right for both sides.
The contract can be concluded but has no meaning in court.
Such a contract is immoral and will not be recognized.. This could be completed under duress.
As a “Maid of passion” it goes without saying that I respect the Owner/Master and obey him.
Otherwise BDSM & D / S makes no sense and is lost time.
Ernest Green is 100% correct. Consensuality agreements, as I said, have no legal standing. As to its efficacy it varies from state-to-state; it is my opinion there can be use in such an agreement. Nevertheless, it is best that you understand that no means no in any situation, that you have a safe word and you are a good judge of character and choose your play partners wisely.
Ernest Greene says
I agree with BaadMaster regarding safe words. Any era would be a bad era to play without them. However, as a qualified expert witness in two different criminal cases growing out of BDSM interactions, I feel I must caution that written or visual evidence of prior consent is rarely admissible in court and unlikely to provide any cover against accusations of abuse. In fact, the existence of such things could be regarded as indicative of premeditation to do harm. Their use as a means of silencing “buyer’s remorse” may well be seen by a judge or jury as a further offense in obstruction of justice. The best insurance against these perceptions is the establishment of irreproachable trust between the parties involved. By the time specific acts are adjudicated before the bar, something has already gone irretrievably wrong.
What if you have a partner you have been with for years? Then is RACK okay?
What if you play by RACK rules? Then is it still a good idea to get written consent for a particular action regarding punishment?
The Risk Aware Consensual Kink concept is rather useful. But as the world is changing so fast, and inexperienced people make up BDSM as they go along, you cannot be too careful. Obviously judgment enters into all play decisions. But I will say this (my opinion only): this is a bad era to play without safe words.
Thanks for the advice!
You’re right. Vanilla or kink, you always want to try to cover your bases.
Thanks for writing this article! It really helped me to better understand the do’s and don’t’s of punishment.
In your opinion, what is the most effective form of punishment?
The most effective punishment is anything the submissive dislikes; you cannot punish a sub with a bag of M&M’s! I do wish to add one thing: when talking about consensuality agreements, depending on what state you live in and their laws, they have little legal standing. And legally, “no” means “no” regardless of your relationship — from 24/7 Master/slave to the most vanilla of vanilla to marriage. That said, a written or video consent form can help to dissuade a partner with “buyer’s remorse” from pursuing legal action. Best keep this in mind: play safe, use safewords, “no” means “no” and always err of the side of safety. You might think I am taking the “Baad” out of “BaadMaster,” but in this day and age, you can never be too careful.