Tips for a great fisting scene

As BDSM becomes more popular – especially among an edgier, more experimental crowd – the tendency is to try the untried. What is the last frontier?  That changes constantly. For example, today’s accepted tattoos would have gotten you a job in a circus a hundred years ago. Regardless, what still seems “on the cutting edge” is fisting.  The question:

Reader:  Please elaborate on vaginal and anal dilation. I’ve tried fisting before, but I didn’t get very far because of my big hands.

The key word here is “dilation.”  In order to successfully fist — when you have large hands — you must dilate the orifice you want to fist even more than if you had normal hands.  Having large hands – although an asset in basketball – is a definite liability in the sport of fisting.

First of all, unless the woman/man is a natural fistee – or has had prior fisting experience – don’t expect to do a complete fisting right off the bat.  Before you begin, follow this pre-fisting checklist.

Cut and file your nails!  This might seem obvious, but you would be surprised at how many Tops forget this detail.  Personally, if I were fisting my submissive for the very first time, I would get a professional manicure with clear nail polish (the old “Mafia Manicure”!)  And ask the nail tech to cut your nails as short as possible. This applies to males and females. If you are a Domme and want to fist your submissive for the first time, the long nails have got to go!  Fashion and fisting, in this case, do not go well together.

Use latex gloves.  When you fist, you can easily tear internal blood vessels.  The uterus is a great environment for infection; cleanliness is next to Godliness in the world of fisting.  Wash your hands before and after putting on the gloves with a liquid, antibacterial soap.

Don’t use any device that can hamper communication — like a ball gag.   Make sure you have a safe word.  And a safe signal just in case the submissive cannot get the words out.

Don’t only rely solely on a safe word or safe signal.  Be vigilant for any signs that the bottom has had enough. A good top takes into account every factor, not just one or two.

An enema before an anal fisting is a good idea.  But as enemas can wash out natural lubrication, make sure you use tons of lube.  

Don’t forget aftercare.  In the context of fisting, aftercare is very important.

If you are ready t begin, it’s time to get out the industrial drum of lube.  This is a matter of personal preference, and there are many on the market, but I think Astroglide (product placement?) works best.  Don’t be stingy with the lube; use tons of it. Work it inside the orifice to be fisted (that sounds so technical). OK – put it in the bottom’s pussy or asshole and then glob it all over your hand.  Now, go slowly. Carefully dilate the opening. You can even use progressively larger dildos if that is your bent. But the key is to slowly dilate the orifice. Even with your big hands, you should at least be able to get up to the knuckles vaginally.  

Getting past the knuckles is the tricky part.  Relaxation is the key here. Make sure your fist-side manner is such that the fistee relaxes.  Since trust adds to relaxation, you might find you need a few sessions to build up the relaxation/trust aspect of your play.  When you finally get five fingers inside and go past the knuckles, it is time to carefully curl your fingers into a fist. This will occur somewhat automatically.  

Now a word about anal fisting.   How one can stretch the anus to take a fist baffles me, no matter how many times I have seen it done.  The few times I have witnessed anal fisting (I have only been able to do it to one of my subs), it was done by a female with small hands.  

Thus, it is possible that even after assiduously following our advice – go slow, use lots of lube, relax the fistee, don’t expect to do it in one session, etc. – you just might not have the hand size to anally fist a given submissive.  They simply might be too big — just as I am too small to play in the NBA. As Steven Wright has said, “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”

About the Author
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.