• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • New to kink?
    • Articles for beginners
  • Contribute
  • BDSM Buying Guide

Kink Weekly

BDSM articles ideas bondage erotica resource

Home » You Can’t Have Everything!

You Can’t Have Everything!

June 26, 2017 By Baadmaster Leave a Comment

inspect

With L.A.’s Bondage Ball ahead of us, and Kinkweekly’s Launch Party behind us, I thought it would be a good time to see how new BDSM players transition from play to D/s relationship – if that is what they want (and many do).

More often than not, upon first play, it seems that all is fine. But when it comes time to get to the next step, I was asked the following question — “My new partner and I have played lightly at a dungeon party. She is hot, and she really turns me on, but is only into light pain. I am a male Dominant, and the thought of flogging and marking her excites me. How do we proceed? Is this a do-able arrangement because of the pain disparity?” (As the question was asked by a male Dom, I will address it in male Dom/female sub terms.)

My answer: Before you worry about the pain/no pain aspects of your relationship, I suggest you first try to establish a D/s hierarchy. If you cannot get to this level, all other concerns are immaterial. (And I don’t mean presenting your sub with some phony-baloney Fifty Shades-style “slave contract.”)

The easiest way to proceed is by introducing small aspects of D/s into your off-dungeon life with your prospective submissive. For example, choose a restaurant and order for her. Start to be more Dominant when you meet outside the play room and see how she takes to it. It is one thing to want to be a Dominant or a submissive; it is quite another thing to actually do it. Thus, small forays into the world of the power exchange are a good place to begin.

Establishing honorifics should be the next item on your agenda. Addressing the Dominant as “Sir,” “Master” or some other honorific reinforces the D/s aspects of your relationship. Surely calling your Dom “Sir” packs a more powerful wallop than calling him “snookems.” These might appear to be minor changes. But, a D/s relationship is a compendium of many minor behavioral modifications. Starting with the proper honorifics is a small but vital step.

I might also start to add some protocols, like the greeting ritual. You should instruct your new sub how to great you when possible. Typically, this consists of kneeling down and kissing the feet or shoes of the Dominant. Or, in a less “Old Guard” greeting, it can be a specific verbal salutation. You can vary it to your desires, but a show of submission is often just what is needed to reaffirm the hierarchy of your relationship.

Now comes the fun part! It is time to establish a D/s dynamic in the playroom. You might not have a Master/slave arrangement at this point; but, at the very least, you should have established enough of a power exchange to have a fun time both in and out of the bedroom. But, if you want to expand into the pain end of the BDSM spectrum, I will suggest a strategy that might work wonders. (This is my opinion and my opinion only.)

While you are having sex, make sure to spank your sub in the butt. As she will be in the throws of passion, she will learn to associate pain with the pleasure of sex. Many women enjoy the pain of spanking during sex – even vanilla women. But, in your case, you must make a special effort to give some serious spanks that are BDSM-specific and pack a bit of a sting. The key is to make her connect your spanks (or some other pain) with the pleasure of sex. This is a great way of turning her on to pain without making a big deal of it. If she likes it, then you can negotiate a full-blown BDSM scene. As her trust level goes up, so will her willingness to let you push her limits.

If, on the other hand, she just won’t countenance any pain, you might still be in luck. Because, if all attempts fail, at the very least you now have a well trained submissive both in and out of the bedroom. And that isn’t all that bad. As Steven Wright, the comedian said, “You can’t have everything…where would you put it?”

By BaadMaster
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all things BDSM will now appear regularly on these pages. From the mental aspects of D/s to the nuts and bolts of S&M play, Baadmaster will cover every facet of this ever expanding lifestyle.

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Reddit
  • Email

Tagged With: D/s, dynamic, power exchange, relationship

Like Kink Weekly? Support us on Patreon!

Become a Patron!

Help keep us online & get epic good karma (and no ads)
Already a supporter? We love you! Visit here to enable ad-free browsing.

Sale – today only

Get yourself a real blindfold

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Don’t miss out!

Get an email each week when new editions are online
We won't spam you, and you can
easily unsubscribe at any time

Sale – today only

Bondage kinks coffee mug

Put a smile on your face each morning

Support Kink Weekly on Patreon!

Become a Patron!

Help keep us online and get
epic good karma (and no ads)

Already a supporter? We love you! Visit here to enable ad-free browsing.

Get

Have you tried japanese clover clamps yet?

Contribute

Want to feature your writing or photography on Kink Weekly? Are you an BDSM/sex expert or professional, and interested in being quoted in an article? Contact us

Archives

sexy blonde Domme with male submissive in straitjacket

Simple Mummification Fun!

By PirateStan Leave a Comment

Learn helpful mummification techniques in this week’s edition!

shibari male submissive bound

Why Excellent Submission Can Be Remarkably Illusive

By Ms. RikaLeave a Comment

Dive deep into submission with Ms. Rika in this week’s edition!

Footer

18 U.S.C. 2257 record keeping compliance statement
Always play
Safe Sane and Consensual

Copyright © 2023 · News Pro On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in