There are so many different people, types of play, dynamics/relationships, and ways to live. I feel it is our responsibility to try our best not to judge others for living differently than we do.

Also, by judging, you are stunting your own learning and could potentially make some enemies.

In this community, it’s so important to keep an open mind, and to be open to other people’s opinions, lifestyles, and ideologies. Most people go to munches, play parties, events, and classes to feel understood and supported for their alternative choices and lifestyles. It’s not fair when others in the community try and take these things away through uncalled for judgement.

At a kink event, everyone wants to feel like they are free to be themselves. Because the outside world is usually so harsh, it’s very important that people within our community have a safe space where they are welcomed for who they are.

If there is a lot of negativity going around, this can never fully be accomplished.

There should be no harm or foul for anyone living a different lifestyle than you would or do.

My Master and myself have learned so much from others within the community that do things quite differently than we do.

There have been times where we learned about something at a munch or at a class and our initial reaction was, “that will never work for us.”  However, as time went on, we found ourselves implementing protocols that we had once scoffed at. You never know where life is going to take you, so you never know what things you are going to want to or need to bring into your life.

We even keep all old versions of our rules/contracts in a file cabinet because we never know if a rule that is not currently implemented will have to be re-implemented in the future.

Furthermore, even if you never implement something you learned about your new knowledge can lead you to better understand yourself and your partner(s). Also, you never know if what you have learned can be used to assist a friend in need. If you only know about what works for you, you are limited on who you can give advice to.

Judgement comes from either ignorance or fear/feeling threatened. When judgement happens, I would suggest you ask yourself, “Where is this judgement coming from?” If it is coming from a lack of knowledge, I would make a commitment to learning more about what you don’t understand. This is accomplished by asking questions. Questions are a great way to eradicate judgement. They lead to better understanding of a topic, and make the other person feel like you are interested in what they are talking about.

If you are feeling threatened by what someone is saying, I would strongly suggest you ask yourself where is this fear coming from? Do you feel like they are better than you or have accomplished more than you? Are you envious of something they have? Do you fear you will never have what they have? After you have answered these questions and have gained a better understanding of your fears, try to rationalize how nothing is better or worse just different.

If this cannot be accomplished while finishing your conversation, I suggest you politely excuse yourself. You should try your best not to let others know that you are judging them, and you should give yourself a break from the conversation if you need one.

If it can be avoided, I wouldn’t excuse yourself from every conversation that you don’t agree with. If you leave every conversation that makes you feel slightly uncomfortable/produces a negative reaction, it will be harder for you to learn tolerance, it will be harder for you to make genuine connections within the community, and it will be harder to gain clarity about things that you wrongly judged others for. Constantly leaving conversations also reinforces the idea that “you can’t tolerate talking to others that disagree with you,” which is never a wise thing to reinforce.

In short, I am only suggesting excusing yourself if you absolutely need to. First and foremost, take care of your physical and mental health.  If you can’t continue a conversation that’s perfectly okay as you long as you respectfully excuse yourself.  However, in time, I feel it is beneficial to try and build tolerance for those we disagree with.

For the sake of our own self growth and the growth of this community, it’s essential that we all try harder to see things from other people’s perspectives and to accept where they are coming from. This is one of the key ways that compassion is born.

Bottom line, we all need to be more accepting, compassionate, and positive. Most people go to kink gatherings/events to feel connected and accepted. We all choose to live an alternative lifestyle, and one way of living is never better than another.

If we stay narrow-minded, arrogant (thinking we have found the best way to live), and pessimistic (we know everything and will never be taught anything knew), then we are limiting our own growth, our relationships’ growth, and the community’s growth.

I would encourage each one of you at your next event to ask a lot of questions, to work on being compassionate, and to try to validate other peoples’ experiences and opinions just as you much as you validate your own.

At my first munch someone told me that I must be open to things because you never know if you are going to one day want to do something you once turned your nose up at. This person encouraged me to greet everything I encounter that doesn’t currently work for me with the phrase, “not at this time.”

They were correct. To this day, that’s how to I greet all new things if my Master and I feel that something doesn’t work for us now.

I encourage you all to do the same. It will make your life inside and outside of the community so much more fulfilled.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

About the Author:

Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.

Along with being a part of the Kink Weekly team, she will be teaching Kink classes all over the Los Angeles area this year, and is also proud to announce that she will be presenting two workshops at the BDSM Writers Con in Seattle and New York.

Slave Bunny graduated Magna Cum Laude with a degree in Psychology and has ample experience in the mental health field. She is also a NASM certified personal trainer and was declared “One of the Top Five Personal Trainers in the LA District” in 2016.

She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.

Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.


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