Funishments, to me, are essentially disciplinary actions used in a kinky way during play or a scene such as spanking or flogging. It is always consensual and should never cross any hard limits.
Discipline involves a disciplinary action that is used to discipline the s type for some kind of infraction. It is also consensual and should never cross any hard limits.
Even though funishments and discipline can use the same actions, the actions should be presented in a different fashion. There are things that work well for funishments that do not work well for discipline and vice versus.
When engaging in funishments, there can be sex or play involved. It can have a light, playful tone. It is best if it occurs when no real infraction has been done. It can be great in roleplay as well.
Discipline serves a practical purpose of righting the wrong of the s type and making them pay for what they have done. There is no kinky tone, and should not involve sex or play.
Discipline is best when it occurs in real life without role play. The infraction should fully be talked about with the s type before any disciplinary action is administered. It should not turn the s type or D type on. It should solely reinforce the wrongness of the infraction and help to reduce the offense from occurring in the future.
It can be hard to differentiate funishments and discipline within a dynamic. I suggest having an implement used solely for discipline that your s type does not like very much (but does not cross any hard limits), and another implement used for funishments that your s type enjoys and/or does not have an adverse reaction to. There can be multiple instruments used for funishments as well as discipline. Bottom line, funishment instruments can/should turn the s type on and the discipline ones should not. This is very important to remember.
I would also suggest having some kind of discipline protocol put in place and rules surrounding the discipline.
For example, when I do something that requires discipline and/or punishment, my Master will instruct me to go to the right corner of the room. Once I am in the corner, I must get into punishment position (look up Gorean slave positions for reference). I then must wait for my Master to meet in the corner. He will usually instruct me to get into kneel position once he is there. I must keep eye contact with him. Once our eyes meet, He will ask me what I did wrong, and we will talk about it.
The conversation will continue until he feels I understand why what I did was wrong, and he has said everything he needs to say to me. He then will either tell me to meet him on the bed or the couch and get over his knee for a spanking, give me some other kind of punishment (chore, essay, missing out on a desired activity, etc), or tell me when he will have the punishment ready for me by.
It is in our contract that he has 24 hours to assign me a punishment. He will also give me a deadline if the punishment calls for it. After completion of every punishment or discipline, I must thank my Master.
I love this protocol. I am so grateful that he takes the time to discipline and/or punish me. Doing these things ensures our relationship stays as resentment- free as possible; I become a better slave from these things as well.
It is also in our contract that I am not allowed to bellyache about any discipline or punishment (or the negative consequence worsens). I also must complete the punishment by the given deadline or the negative consequence worsens.
Many of my Master’s punishments provide me a chance to further think about what I have done. This helps the offense not occur again. For example, when I broke our no texting and driving rule, my Master told me to write an essay about why texting and driving is dangerous.
After I completed the essay, I fully understood how unsafe texting and driving is and I never did it again.
I think it’s important for D types to try and think of punishments that will allow your s type to further think of the infraction and learn from their mistakes if possible.
In our home, this doesn’t happen every time. For small infractions I might just get five spankings. For my Master, it all depends on the offense and the number of times the offense has occurred.
I feel that it is important for D type’s to consider these two things when disciplining. It’s important to still be fair and just.
We also have a no grudge rule in our contract. This states that after a punishment or discipline has been completed, neither party should hold a grudge within themselves or towards their partner. Also, the issue is not to be talked about again unless the offense occurs another time.
The point of disciplining, at least to us, is to healthily and thoroughly deal with an infraction. This includes having me pay the price for it, for me to fully understand why what I did was wrong, provide an opportunity for my Master to get anything he needs to off his chest concerning the infraction, and to move on from the incident having fully talked about it so hopefully it does not occur in the future. This process is to make us stronger and me stronger, not to build negativity, low self esteem, resentment, or emotional pain. It is all done for growth and to keep our dynamic as pure as possible.
With all thing being said, these are merely suggestions and I am in NO WAY saying that any of you have to follow any of these. I am just giving some examples from my own life so hopefully you get some ideas about how to formulate your own punishment protocols. Also, not every dynamic needs discipline and/or punishments.
As far as funishments go, they do not have to adhere to a strict routine. For us, they happen whenever the moment calls for it or whenever my Master is feeling like being rough with me.
I would highly suggest coming up with safewords when engaging in funishments, especially if you are playing with a fairly new partner that you do not know very well.
The whole point of a funishment is for it to be fun! Talk about safewords beforehand so all partners in the scene are aware. Clearly define what you want to take place in the funishment scene as well. Be as specific as you can, and let your partners know about all of your hard and soft limits. Be direct about what is on and off the table.
I would consider having a safe word for softer, slower, and stop. For example red could be stop. Pink could be softer. Yellow could be slower. If you need to have other safewords that mean different things go for it.
Safewords should be shorter words, easy to understand, and not easily mistaken for other words.
It also is a good idea to let your partner(s) know about possible triggers, things to avoid, and physical things about you such as bruising easily.
The more communication that goes on before a scene, the better the scene will most likely turn out!
I hope this has helped readers become more confident and have more direction when it comes to funishments and discipline.
As always please feel free to ask questions and comment. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!
About the Author:
Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.
She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.
Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.
Thank you for your kind words. I am glad you enjoyed the article, Sometimes my Master and I simply engage in the funishment action with no surrounding role play such as spanking, flogging, choking, etc.
But I do love school girl role play sometimes.
Amazing article! Slave Bunny, what is your favorite kind of funishment role play?
I couldn’t have said it better myself, Demonmasterme. Funishment and discipline can both use the same activities, but the way they end, the purpose of them, and how they are implemented should be very different. I also agree with you when you said,”without misunderstanding or confusion.” Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe you are alluding to communication of purpose/intent of each funishment and discipline, which is extremely paramount as well.
Anyway, thank you for reading and for your kind words about my article!
Very well written with a clear-cut definition of these two important parts/dynamics that a lot of newer lifestylers misunderstand and confuse quite often. The two of these can/may begin the same way, but the end results should always/all ways be clear and without any misunderstanding or confusion.
Thank you so much for your positive feedback!
Great article! I’m glad you took the time to write about the differences. A lot of people confuse these two topics.
Spanking, bondage, flogging, etc. Anything that can be used for discipline can be turned into some sort of funishment play.
This article is awesome! Thanks so much for posting it!
Can you give me some specific funishment ideas?