Most people have things from the past that they are not over, and many of those things stem from childhood. Many of our parents didn’t give us what we needed most, and our basic needs were not met. Because of this, we go into adulthood with this hole in us that feels like it can never be filled or eradicated. Although it is very evident that we cannot change the past, it is still possible to get what we missed out on in childhood in our adult lives.
My childhood was filled with a lot of extra- curricular activities and a regimented afterschool schedule, along with a very judgmental mother who needed everything, including me, to be her way. She did not give me the freedom to be myself that I so yearned for, did not give me the unconditional love that I needed, and did not provide a reliable and consistent structure for me. So, in my adult life I dealt with this void in various ways. Some healthy, such as: being task-oriented, list making, and loving my Master unconditionally and non-judgmentally. Others, in not so healthy ways, such as: emotional lash outs.
It is easy to think that what happened in your past, stays in the past. But unless it is dealt with in an effective and healthy way, it will keep coming back to haunt you.
I have found that when I go into “Little Bunny mode” I am able to get all the things I missed out on in my childhood: acceptance, laughter, silliness, and unconditional love. I feel free to be myself, and don’t have to be thinking a million steps ahead. I can just live happily and peacefully in the current moment, and be completely present and mindful with my Master.
Going into my little space also allows me to positively replace some of the negative emotions left from my childhood, and put things into a more realistic perspective. Because of my little mode, I was able to realize that I’m not a bad person; I just wasn’t living up to my mother’s standards. I know this because of the acceptance and love my Master gives me when I am in little mode. And that brings me a lot of healing. I don’t take my childhood so personally, because I am shown that other people accept my child self, which is exactly the person my mother rejected. In short, being a little can replace negative feelings from the past with new positive ones, and replace our old, pessimistic ideologies about ourselves as well.
My little side does not have a set time when it shows up or is supposed to show up. It usually makes an appearance in times of extreme stress, sadness, or happiness. But no matter when it comes out, it is always way more pleasant feeling these things through my little self, than feeling the strain of stress and sadness in my adult head space.
It also allows my Master to better deal with the intense emotions, because it is often easier to have compassion for someone who is small and youthful than a full- grown adult. I also find it is easier to move on from a negative emotion quicker and easier because that’s how children are wired. Children don’t always have the ability to see the big picture. So, when the moment is over, so are their emotions.
My little self is also much more forgiving towards myself and others, and less pessimistic because she has not been jaded by the adult world and all its disappointments. Because of this, I find my little comes out when I need to remain positive and keep my esteem intact. My Master has even given me assignments to write to my adult self from my little self. I will often read these letters in times of stress.
Roleplaying a big/little scene can also be very therapeutic. Roleplaying as a little can give you a healthy outlet to acquire what you missed out on as a child, and/ or a way to reenact things from your childhood that need working through. It allows you the space to feel more heard and be more taken care of than you may have been in childhood.
I strongly encourage those who go into little space do so only with those they whole-heartedly trust (due to the fact that going into little space can often leave one feeling quite vulnerable). While being a little is not the sole thing one needs to work through their past, it can be a great and healing tool to use in tandem with other coping mechanisms and healing techniques.
I discovered my little with my Master by accident, and as time goes on she comes out more and more. I find being a little is a great emotional coping tool, and breeds a lot of acceptance and nonjudgement within myself. For me, when I am in little space, the lack of harsh criticism combined with unconditional acceptance definitely brings about a boost in my overall self- esteem.
I strongly encourage anyone who identifies as a little to look at who your little is, and try to link your little to your childhood. See what connections you can make. It’s important for everyone to fully process what they are not over yet, so they can move on and stop carrying the emotional weight around from the past. I have found that being a little is an amazing way to do that.
About the Author:
Slave Bunny, a 1950’s power slave, is involved in a wonderful and loving TPE 24/7 M/S relationship with her Master and husband. She is also the Creative Director of Kink Weekly.
She has dedicated her life to working on herself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and hopes to inspire others to do the same. Through teaching and mentoring, she hopes to help everyone in the Kink community as much as she can.
Feel free to add her on Fetlife (Slave_Bunny992) to see her upcoming workshops and classes.
Slave Bunny says
You’re most welcome! Thanks for your feedback. Next week, an article I wrote on punishment will be posted. I would love to hear your thoughts on that article as well!
Steph says
I never really know what it was like from the Little’s perspective. This was a really interesting read. Thanks for sharing.