I live with my collared slut. She and I have a 24/7 Total Power Exchange (TPE). This means that at all times she chooses to submit to me. Our dynamic is sex forward. So, one aspect of our dynamic is that at any time, I am free to use her sexually. Our dynamic is kink forward as well. What this means is that at any time, I am free to do anything I wish to her in any kink context that I choose. Naturally, she is not a slave, and she has agency, and she has given me her consent. Naturally, I would never do anything to her or with her that ignored or violated her hard limits. I say “naturally” because all kink dynamics are based on trust.
When I made the choice to seek a submissive partner to live in a 24/7 TPE, I did so after exploring a wide range of kink scenes with an array of submissive women. While I was quite happy with the kink, the sex itself was unfulfilling and I became present to the fact that for me, what was missing was the intimacy of romantic partnership. In my exploration of kink, I learned some things about myself. What sort of fetishes I had and which ones I wanted to explore further and so when I began my search, I had a list of “must haves” and list of “I’d like to have” considerations.
For example, I knew that I was seeking an obedient submissive masochist who was herself seeking a 24/7 TPE. She needed to into or at least open to my entire fetish list. That was the start of the adventure.
I wrote a “seeking post” that posted in all the personal’s on Fetlife in the local and nearby cities. Almost immediately, I received many inquiries from women and I met a few of them. One woman in particular got my attention. Her questions seemed genuine and her curiosity authentic. We messaged for months, spoke once or twice and then, I gave her a task to assess both her obedience and masochism. What I did was I asked her to attempt to orgasm with ginger in her ass. It was smore than that, but that was the gist of it. Not only did she do so, but she orgasmed 3 times and then she sat in a Nadu pose with the ginger inserted and experienced an out of body moment. That task had me anxious to meet her.
We met in person at a restaurant and in the very first moments of our meeting, she made the choice to submit to me. Before we even spoke. My dominant nature, my way of being, my pheromones, whatever, something in her was triggered and she chose me to gift herself to.
Over the next few months, she worked to get complete in her separation and file for divorce (something that was occurring regardless of my interactions with her. Eventually, when she had taken steps to formally separate, she put herself forward to be claimed.
In claiming her, I would mark her inside and out as my own submissive. We had talked about this, and it took courage to put herself as a new kinkster, in the hands of a sadist. The Claiming Ceremony involved being chained, marked with a cane, having me piss in her ass and down her throat.
That began a journey of exploration as we explored many different scenes and kinks of a wide variety of alternatives, to get our kink in alignment. She is very obedient and she does everything I ask. Then after we play, we debrief and we assess if we should do that again, more intensely, less intensely or not at all.
Communication in a kink dynamic is probably the most important aspect of our kink and, in truth, you could say that our favorite fetish is communication. You would not be wrong. I’ll say one important thing about communication between a Dom and a sub. There are times when we need to set aside our dynamic and talk as equals. This is important because as I noted at the outset, she has agency.
Before long, she moved in with me and we started to explore living together in a kink dynamic. Not long after that, we started talking about collaring her. We made the choice to delay the collaring itself until she had created the space she needed to create a new relationship by getting complete with her divorce. This is an important consideration. In order to be able to commit herself to me, she needed to be divorced completely. I needed her to be able to give me her full attention, and with the background noise of an ongoing divorce she did not have the mindset nor the space to put her attention on something brand new. And as soon as her divorce was done and she was complete, we began to plan her collaring ceremony in earnest.
We took collaring seriously. We wrote our statements out so we would not forget what we wanted to say and she kneeled in a circle of candle lights and white rose petals as we started the ceremony by being with each other. We sat there staring into each other’s eyes, silently, or perhaps 5 minutes. We said what there was to say and then we created an intense and prolonged scene to mark the occasion.
It was a beautiful private ceremony that bound us in our kink.
What has happened since then is that we have become closer, more connected and more aligned than ever.
The best aspect of being in a kink dynamic is what we call “The Rabbit Hole”. Why kink is like a rabbit hole is that it takes twists and turns and we discover new things about ourselves and each other. One example is the time I made the choice to give her a daily maintenance spanking. This occurred because I noticed that as the week passed after our weekend marking sessions, she became “out of sorts” and it was clear that she was in a great mood after being marked. And while she put herself forward to be spanked as instructed, what came out of that was unexpected. We used the experience to try different implements on her and she found that with the heavy flogger, somewhere around 150 strokes, she started to have orgasms and experience the flogging as electrical energy. We have experimented with over 1000 strokes, which she loved. This was completely unexpected. Another example is the time I put her in chastity for a month and we only explored anal sex. She discovered her ass as a sex organ – eating her ass gives her orgasms. That was unexpected.
My point is that in the rabbit hole, the twists and turns are surprising and its super fun to have a partner with whom that exploration is occurring.
So what makes our dynamic work? First, we subscribe to a few principles:
– There is nothing wrong.
– We are both 100% responsible.
– We are in communication.
– Trust is present.
There is one other thing. She is incredibly obedient. I find her obedience a turn on. She adheres to protocols with a religious fervor. I love it.
Now a few words on the principles we adhere to. When we say “there is nothing wrong” it is not to dismiss her point of view or her complaint or mine, it’s a recognition that as human beings, we make meaning out of things we do not completely understand. It’s a function of being human. What there is to deal with is “what’s so” about a thing. That keeps us from escalating moments in a negative direction. Second, we both take full responsibility to keep the dynamic alive and well. Its not a 50/50 deal at all. Its 100%/0%. And we talk. We talk so often about so many aspects about our dynamic that we started the podcast Kinky Cocktail Hour. And most important, trust really is present. She trust me to use her hard and not break her. She trusts me to love her and care for her and I trust her to do the same. Intimacy is present.
Our dynamic works because we are committed and not attached to the dynamic and we go with the ebbs and flows of our desires and demands. As the Dom, it is my responsibility to read her. To gauge her energy and her mindset. We have sexualized her completely. She experiences herself as a very sexy creature And she is perfectly suited to be my personal slut. The result is that our sex is lava hot. I would say conservatively, that in the 3 years we have been together, we have had sex over 1,000 times, each time being the hottest sex ever. She always presents herself to be used and it starts there. Lately, we are employing hypnosis to move her into a trance state more quickly and I am training her to experience deep throat fucking as orgasmic. It’s hot.
Writing this has caused me to send her a message that I am going to use her hard when she gets home from work, and I am going to “fuck her silly”. Because our sexuality is wrapped up in kink, this means that she will get flogged and fucked today. Her response? “Mmmmmm…Very, Very HOT!!”. Then she sent me this text:
The German word Vorfreude is unique and has no English equivalent. It comes from the words vor (“before”) and Freude (“joy”) and means something along the lines of “joyful anticipation.” Vorfreude is the joy you experience while you are looking forward to something.
Germans often say: “Vorfreude ist die schönste Freude” which means “anticipation is the greatest joy”.
I have Verfreude too.
SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.
You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com
New coaching content can be found on our Patreon:
Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky Cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms and here: https://kinkycocktailhour.buzzsprout.com/