I’m very open about how long I’ve been exploring Kink. It has taken me several different places, and often, it is somewhere I never expect. In fact, at the age of 25, I became a Daddy. More accurately, I became “Diddy.” At least, that’s what she calls me.
I have never been interested in Ageplay or DD/lg or Littles. Other than occasionally being called Daddy in the bedroom, it held very little interest for me.
I have been with my primary (my wife) for ten years this April. She comes from a very abusive background and our journey has been one with a lot of curves and forks in the road. For the first few years, I attributed her “high energy” moments to her bipolar disorder. She would be super happy, full of energy, and feeling fantastic. For those unaware, these are classic signs of a Bipolar Manic Episode, especially in those who are not normally that way.
Then, one night, I woke her from a nightmare. Well, I thought I had. I spoke to her to calm her terrors and when I spoke her name, she froze. She looked at me with wide, terrified eyes, and told me that her name was not “B.” So, I asked her what her name was. She said she wasn’t sure, but she knew it was not “B.” She told me all about herself. She was four years old and lost in the dark. For nearly an hour, she spoke to me. Then she fell back asleep.
When I asked her the following morning about it, she had no recollection of what had happened.
I chalked it up to a weird “Sleep talking” episode and let it go. Then it happened again.
This time, she told me her name was “Callie Ann, tank you berry much.”
I’ve been her Diddy ever since.
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I told you our story first because when people think of littles, they think only of girls and usually in a sexual Daddy Dom/little girl scenario. In truth, for most of us, that is a much different category. I’ve had to struggle through finding definitions and distinctions for the last few years, so I wanted to give you something to make it easier to understand.
Little: A person who finds it more comfortable to be taken care of. Often times, the most important thing is the reassurance of your love and the comfort of cuddles. Littles can be any gender, any color, and a variety of ages. I know some who range from age 1 – age 6.
Middle: This is more of an age range definition. Middles tend to be from roughly age 7 to age 12. It is not set in stone but more of a generic age range based on the types of behaviors they exhibit.
Teen: These are people who range from ages 13-17. Typically, teens are seen more with age-players and it is far more often for ages 15-17 to exhibit the sexual behavior that is attributed to Daddy Dom relationships.
Big: This is an umbrella term for the “adults.” Mommies, Daddies, Caregivers, Babysitters, Grandmas, Grandpas, Aunties, and Uncles. The labels for an adult will vary with each Little based on the type of relationship you have or the way they relate to others in your life.
Caregiver (CG): A Caregiver is someone who makes the decisions for the littles. They are often part of the outer role of adults that the little trusts. For example, when my babygirl stays with Grandpa (or as she lovingly calls him, Drampa), he would be her caregiver.
Babysitter: A Babysitter is someone who temporarily watches over a little when the CG cannot.
- I babysit for two little girls who don’t have a permanent caregiver currently.
Stuffie: For most of the littles that I interact with (and there are several of them), their stuffies are their best friend. They most often have one who is the most important.
- In Callie’s world, Evil Dark Lord Bunny Foofoo is her Best Friend. She is a Rainbow Bunny with Tattoos, piercings, and a long backstory that I am required to remember.
- Each stuffie has its own personality, its own history, and a family tree that must also be committed to memory. Don’t worry. Its exactly as hard as it sounds.
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Types of Littles:
There are four types of littles. They all share characteristics but are decidedly different.
For the following two types, it is important to note that the mindset present is that of a child. Most often, they are not in a mindset to consent to anything beyond what you may ask a Toddler. There is absolutely no sexual interaction with either of these two nor is there an expectation of consent.
Regressive: This type of little is someone who’s mind regresses to the age they are representing. For many, they are unaware that they are in adult bodies. Some may lose the ability to walk or require the use of diapers simply because their mind does not know how to do these things. Often, the time that they are in the “little” mindset ends up being a blackout for the adult mind.
Split: These are individuals who have Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder). This is a change from one person to another where the secondary personality is a young child. The personality may or may not be aware that they are one part of a whole.
- This is the type of little Callie Ann is. She was born from a traumatic experience when my wife was four. Since that was her age when Callie formed, Callie will forever be four.
- She is like any other child. We celebrate her birthday, she counts down for the Easter Bunny (her favorite being ever), and she writes to Santa every Christmas.
- Because she is trauma born, she suffers from nightmares. She doesn’t remember much but mostly it is a strong feeling of fear. To soothe her, I sing her to sleep. Her favorite song for that is “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid.
- After about three years, we were able to set up a system to allow myself (and four others she considers family) to call her out. We picked a single word and when it is repeated three times, she takes over. Out of respect for her privacy, I will not reveal the word she chose. But we do jokingly refer to it as “beetlejuicing.”
- As a split, it is often easier to see her as a little than age players. For Callie, she is left-handed. My wife is right-handed. One has a higher voice, one speaks in a lower tone. One likes Swiss Cheese, one doesn’t. One’s favorite color is pink, and the other’s is purple. They are two different people in the same body.
- When Callie is out, my wife simply has “missing time.” She doesn’t remember anything that happens unless Callie shows her. She has told me it is as though Callie shows her a movie in her head, which gives snippets of important things to remember. Most often, My partners and I just explain the highlights so she does not feel left out.
**Important Note: Split personality littles are full functional people. The way they relate to people is up to them. My wife and I are part of a closed poly unit. We live as husbands and wives. Callie refers to my husband and my other wife as Dramma (Grandma) and Drampa (Grandpa). It is a mindset change that took some getting used to. Never forget that they are two separate people.
For the next two types, there tends to be a headspace associated with these. From what I have been told, it is similar to sub space. It is a space that allows you to give up control and forget about adult responsibilities for a time. For some, it helps with anxiety. For others, they want the comfort they are unable to get anywhere else or have never received growing up. Some use darker Age Play to rewire memories of abuse. Each person has their own reasons for wanting to be little.
Age Player: These are adults who are fully aware that they are pretending to be a different age.
- Though this article is focusing on littles, age players can be any individual acting as a different age. This includes senior ages as well.
- Usually, there is no sexual aspect to these individuals.
- It is more common to find middles and teens in this category.
Sexual Age Player: This is where you tend to find Daddy/Mommy Doms and Little girl/boys. Often shortened to DD/lg (Daddy Dom/little girl), this is a subset of BDSM. There is a D/s relationship that is built around comfort and Domestic Discipline. The little often has rules that the DD/MD enforces and corrects willful disobedience. The most common punishments are spankings, corner time/time outs, and grounding.
**Important Note: I have found that littles tend to respond best to those who talk to them as little adults. While it is important to remember to use smaller words (and less cursing), baby talk will often have them just staring at you like you are stupid.
Like anything else, communication is key. I never force my little to meet anyone she does not want to. If she is overwhelmed, we leave or go somewhere private to help her calm down. In BDSM play, I use the Stoplight system. That means Green=Good to Go, Yellow=Slow Down/Check in, and Red=Stop Immediately. My little does not understand this system. She knows that she has one word that she can say and it will stop anything she doesn’t like.
She picked the word Alligator. If I tickle her too much and she needs it to stop, she will clearly use her word. If she doesn’t want to be near someone, she will tell me her word quietly and I will steer her away from the situation. If there are too many people in the mall and she is overwhelmed, she knows Alligator will have us stepping outside for air. She knows that no matter what, Alligator will make everything better.
Because she is a split, and four, it took several gentle reminders that it was ok to use her word. It took several times of telling her she could use it whenever she needed it and we would talk about it after. It took showing her even more times for her to trust the power her word had.
Please remember that patience is the cornerstone of being any kind of Big. It is the ability to crouch down to her level, to talk clearly, to answer any and all questions, and to show them that you do have their best interests at heart. Unlike with Age players, negotiating is nigh impossible with a Regressive or Split Little. The most you can do is general negotiations with their “adult” side and remain flexible for anything that happens.
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It can be difficult to set up rules for a little, especially when the ages and types can vary so widely. I applied the same rule making process that I would for a submissive. I tailored each rule to her needs and then added a few scapegoat options to accommodate for health issues.
- Bedtime is Midnight. Everything is to be shut off (though music is allowed). If you cannot fall asleep within 2 hours, you may turn the tv back on and are not required to go back to bed.
- She is a diagnosed insomniac. Very few sleep medications work for her and her tolerance is high. So, instead of her constantly getting in trouble for a medical condition she cannot control, we set a back up plan. This way, Diddy can sleep until the alarms go off for work and she is situated.
- You will eat at least two times a day. It does not matter if it is 2 ounces of nuts, twice a day, or 2 bowls of ice cream—as long as you eat. If you have sicked up food, you are only required to drink water as often as your stomach allows.
- She has a condition called Gastroperesis. This is a side-effect of a surgery she had. As such, food can be sicked up for up to 48 hours after she eats. This makes her a high risk for malnutrition. Therefore, as long as she is able to eat, she is allowed to eat whatever will stay down.
- No Cursing
- This one is simply a preference. Four-year-olds are not allowed to cuss. The only word I allow her to use is shit. So her favorite alternative are “potato balls” and “Potato Pancakes.”
- You are to ask for help if you need it.
- As a split, she does not entirely understand the disabilities that “B” suffers. So, sometimes she will ask me why she hurts or why it is hard to walk. Therefore, we wanted her to know that if her body didn’t feel right, then she needed to ask for help. This is the rule she finds the hardest to follow because she does not feel disabled and does not understand degenerative disorders.
- Diddy is not a mind reader. You can always talk to Diddy.
- Sometimes she doesn’t feel that Diddy spends enough time with her. I work, split my time between three spouses, a kid, and her, help run a BDSM group, and I have hobbies as well. If she ever feels neglected, I have made it mandatory that she talks to myself, Grandma, or Grandpa so that I can remedy the situation. She needs to always know that she is just as important as my other partners.
Those are some of her rules. She has very few. It is important that she can remember them. We have them written down and hanging on the wall.
Some of the brightest times in my life involve Callie Ann. I think any person who takes care of a little would agree on the amount of joy they bring to your life. To demonstrate that, I am going to tell you a recent story of what it means to be flexible.
**Preface: I am biologically female, though my little calls me Diddy (Her version of Daddy).
Callie: I don’t understand you Diddy.
Me: What confuses you babygirl?
C: why do you have a period? You’re a boy! (She overheard me talking to one of my other spouses about why I wasn’t feeling good.)
M: *I stared at her with wide eyes* (I had no idea what to say to answer her). It’s part of life babygirl. May I ask you a question?
C: Sure, Diddy.
M: You’ve seen Diddy’s bra before but never asked about that. Why?
C: Cuz boobs are made of fat. Diddy’s fat. Diddy needs a bra. But only girls get periods.
I’m not going to lie. I fell over laughing because I had absolutely no answer for that. This is that moment where you ask yourself silently what you have gotten yourself into. She then asked me where babies come from and that led to a conversation about boys and girls. Her answer was probably the best acceptance of gender I have ever heard.
C: I’m confused Diddy. You have girl parts but are a boy. And (insert friend who shall remain nameless) is a girl with boy parts. I don’t get it. But, I guess you can be whatever you want. I, mean, sometimes I’m a coonicorn (her version of a unicorn), sometimes I’m a bunny, and sometimes I’m a dragon—ROAR.
If that doesn’t say it all, I don’t know what will.
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Never force your little into things they aren’t comfortable with. Each little is unique. The most common things that come to mind for most is that all littles use pacifiers, wear diapers, drink from sippy cups, love to color, and watch nothing but Disney. But, its not true. Here are some common myth busters for Littles.
- Littles come in every shape and size. Boys, girls, transgender, genderfluid, and more. They can be 6 ft tall or 4’11”. They can be skinny or large. They can be any color of the rainbow. Little is a mindset or an age, not a body type.
- Some littles like to paint, do puzzles, or play war with Green Army Men. They can be picky about what movies they watch. They can be obsessed with My Little Pony or the Addams Family. Some like cute things, covered in glitters and bows. Others like coffins, and skeletons, and the color black.
- Some littles like diapers. Others do not. Some use pacifiers and sippy cups, others do not. Allow your little to explore their likes and dislikes.
- Just because they are a girl, doesn’t mean they want to be a princess. My babygirl prefers to be a pirate by the name of Cutthroat Callie. She even has her own Swashbuckling Bunnies. She only likes one princess and that is Merida from Disney’s Brave. When I asked her why, she replied “Cuz she don’t need no man.”
- Some littles are territorial of their Caregivers. Mine allows me to babysit and care for other littles for short periods of time. However, she has openly stated I am not allowed to be a “Daddy” to anyone else. She also knows that Drampa has his own babygirl and she recognizes that his babygirl will come first to him and Callie does to me. Other littles are fine having more than one little per Caregiver. It is all about preference.
Having a little will test your patience. They will push your buttons and are likely to cry if you react with anger. They will have tired days where they are grumpy or sad and cannot explain to you why. They will have days where they have so much energy its hard to sleep. They will have days where they have trouble switching from Adult to little because they are stressed.
However, I wouldn’t trade a single day that I’ve had with Callie. She lights up my world in a way I never expected. She is joy in human form. She is my babygirl, my pirate, and my warrior.
There is so much information about Littles and Bigs and everything in between. Hopefully, this has given you a better understanding of the vast world of Age Play.
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As a bonus, Callie answered a few questions about being a little. I have written her answers as she spoke them. Anything in italics is my clarification of her answer.
What are the most important things people should know about littles?
That not all littles know they are little. Like, I know I am cuz I am a split but others don’t. And not all littles are babies—we don’t all use diapers, and sippys and pacis. In her view of things, she is a “Big Girl.” In her mind, Big Girls do not use pacifiers or sippy cups. So she prefers to use cups with lids and straws.
Do you know what an ageplayer is?
Like Beffie. She is more comfy as a little but she knows she is an adult. I edited out the name of her friend for privacy reasons.
Are littles sexual?
I don’t think they are. They shouldn’t be. That’s illegal Diddy!! Callie has trouble understanding the idea of a teen. To her, everyone older than 6 is old. However, she does understand that no one can touch her sexually or in any way without her permission.
What do you enjoy doing with your Daddy?
Cuddles, shopping, coloring, puzzles, and telling knock-knock jokes, telling puns. She also loves watching Dragon Tales and Disney Movies. She loves singing Disney Karaoke and writing her own songs. She likes playing Minecraft with her Bestie and makes sure that Foofoo (Her stuffie Bestie) is always with her.
Do you have more than just a Daddy?
I have a Drampa and a Dramma and a Best friend “V” and Foofoo, and a “T”. Again, I have shortened her friend’s names to the first letter of their name for privacy reasons.
Is there a difference between a brat and a little?
Yes. Littles throw temper tantrums cuz they can’t explain how they feel. Brats do it to get attention and see how far they can push their care givers. She is adamant that she is never a brat. She’s just grumpy sometimes.
Are all littles brats?
No. We try to do what we are told but sometimes we are super tired or grumpy.
Do you have a favorite animal?
Foofoo—Bunnies and cunicorns and dragons and penguins. Oh, and puppies. I has to have my Tig and my Suki. Tig and Suki are dogs that help her emotionally and she simply loves them to death. Her and Drampa love penguins and Dragons. She often tells me she is Drampa’s Little Dragon.
If you could tell everyone something important about littles, what would it be?
Littles are not for sex. We just want comfort. You should feel special if they show themselves to you because that means they feel comfy to you. She tried really hard to explain to me that it’s not the same as the bad guys who like kids (pedophiles). She said its about comfort and being loved and taken care of.
Callie is laying here next to me sleeping as I write this. She was so excited to tell her side of the story. I can here her snoring softly and I know she is going to wake up in about an hour, needing some juice and some cuddles from Diddy. She will be here through the night until she has to relinquish control to “B” so that she can attend her college classes.
I know she is going to excitedly tell me about how the Easter Bunny is going to visit her next month and leave eggs for her to find. I know she is going to want to curl up in a couple of days when I am off of work, and ask to watch “Christopher Robin.” She’s going to hug Foofoo, cuddle Diddy, and tell me why she loves Eeyore. She’s going to tell me that Winnie the Pooh has the best friends because they are all mental in their own way but everyone just accepts you as you are.
Didn’t you know, that’s how it is supposed to be.
I will spend the rest of my days reminding her that even on her Eeyore days, we love her as she is. On days she feels disabled, we will always be there to pick her up. Because whether I am talking to “B” or “Callie Ann,” they will never have a reason to doubt that her family stands behind her.
So if you ever make the decision to care for a Little or find yourself in a similar situation to me, think long and hard about what you want to do. It takes a very brave and special person to embrace their inner little.
It takes an even braver one to care for them.
About the Author
My name is Joji. I am 29 years old currently and I have been in and around the kink community about 15 years.I am a collared submissive to Magick42. I am also a Daddy to a wonderful babygirl, and have been for more than three years now and I find it very fulfilling. I am being mentored in and being taught electroplay. I am a masochist at heart and thoroughly love impact play, especially caning. I enjoy reading anything I can get my hands on and am a die hard Harry Potter and Doctor Who fan. I am also the secretary for a group in Idaho called Moscow S.P.A.R.K.E (Simply Providing Another Route to Kink Education). It is our mission to teach safe practices to those new to the community and give them a safe haven to ask questions and learn without judgement. We accept all kinks and all we ask in return is respect between all our members.