I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!
This week, I’d like to share a little fun I have on those occasions when I feel like playing with power dynamics in scenes. These are not my definition of submission for my sub, they’re situations where I just feel like putting my power out there on display and playfully enjoy rubbing my sub’s nose in it, a bit.
Being the dominant affords me the right to flaunt my authority from time to time. Being the sub means that sometimes, my partner is going to have to deal with inequities…and, if I choose to leverage that my whim is his gospel, he’s just going to have to suck it up and deal with it!
There are innumerous ways to demonstrate capricious control. Here are two that I particularly enjoy. Both relate to the façade of “negotiation”, where I’m willing negotiate with my partner – Only, since I’m holding all of the cards – the “negotiation” is completely one-sided.
1) The Lesser of Two Evils The first “technique” is when I open a negotiation by allowing him to argue for what he interprets as the lesser of two evils. He doesn’t get to choose one, he gets to try to convince me to choose the one he would rather have. He’s not going to avoid having to endure something he doesn’t like, he’s going to be allowed to negotiate to get the one he dislikes less.
I know the things he really doesn’t enjoy…so, I choose two, set them against each other in a “This-or- That”, and let him negotiate to receive one. To motivate the most from the bargaining, you have to make one at least a little less distasteful than the other: “Today you’re going to be caned on the bottoms of your feet (something he doesn’t like), or you’re going to eat dogfood from the soles of my boots (something he REALLY doesn’t like)…convince me to choose one”.
This leads to a very interesting negotiation. First, the irony of having to negotiate for something you don’t like is difficult enough…and I’m going to insist that his negotiations are heart-felt or he won’t be able to convince me. Secondly, there isn’t much he can offer that I can’t have anyway…since he’s my sub and already has committed to do whatever I want him to. Not only could I get anything he can offer without making concessions, but if I wanted him to, he’d be enduring both things anyway. He has to work pretty hard.
This is a really powerful and fun technique. As those who have read my first book, “Uniquely Rika” know, irony can be used to demonstrate power. This is certainly one of those situations! He has to face his helplessness in this context, and has to face that something unpleasant is going to happen, simply because I deem it so.
2) Just Before the Point of No Return Those who have read my books or even my previous articles, know that I enjoy Tease & Denial games (See my “Please Stop… article in KinkWeekly”). One of the best times to establish a one-sided negotiation is when a sub has been teased and denied to the point that he’s ready to offer just about anything for release. Again, as his dominant, I can have anything I want, anytime I want…this is just a fun
game that enhances his feeling of desperation and builds to a more enjoyable scene (T&D does not create submission…it creates desire that I control – and hence creates dependence on my whim for his pleasure. Fun for both of us )
The technique is to get him very close to orgasm and then hold him at the edge without going over. The longer you can hold him on the edge, the more powerful this negotiation becomes. I’ve found this to be easier if you get him to the edge using a feather touch…just a single finger, strategically placed on the most sensitive spots. I will use full hand motions and stroking until he gets to the “Please Stop” point, then shift to a single finger under the frenum and continue building him like that until he’s a second away…and then just stop contact. I have found that guys will float right at the edge of orgasm for many seconds until they start to calm down a bit, and then, another feather touch will quickly bring them back to that point – over and over again. If you know your sub’s body, you can keep him there as long as you please. The light touch slows his progress down enough to allow you to get the timing just right.
This is when I start the “negotiation”. It can start with simple things and grow as you wish: ”Kiss my ass if you want a chance to orgasm”…”If I let you orgasm, do you agree to eat it all up?” (They love that one)…”Make up a poem for me…right now!”…”I want a new car!” You can be as random as you like and demand as many things as you want…make the tasks as difficult as you wish. Let him convince you to let him orgasm. He’ll fall all over himself trying to fulfill his end of the negotiation.
Or, you can introduce a predicament. I was shown a video where a dominant had her sub at this point, and offered him the option of having intercourse without an orgasm, or getting an orgasm without intercourse. It was sweet to watch him try to process that choice (after a great deal of deliberation during which she continued his brutal tease, he opt’d for the orgasm, which she promptly ruined).
If you want to have some fun…try these techniques with your submissive. Let your imagination run free! Reach out to me and tell me how you like them!
Ms. Rika (Ms_Rika@hotmail.com) is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric, Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A-Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”.
Great stuff. I love Real Life kink, and this is such a great description of how interactions can really go. Love the suggestion also, that you can just make him do both unpleasant tasks. So evil. Very nice!!
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!
I’m certainly glad you like the column! Plenty more to come (and that’s NOT a tease!)
I agree you always touch on some unqiue and complex topics
Love your column!