Daddy Dom/babygirl BDSM Relationships

handcuffed couple

You may see this as DD/bg on Fetlife. You may also see DD/lg which typically stands for DaddyDom / little. So what’s the difference?

I will start this by saying that the following definitions are typically true. I never say they are always true because you can never assume that everyone defines themselves the same way. However, I will say that the way I define the difference between littles and babygirls is also similar to how several people who run parties and classes for the little community define the difference.

Someone who defines themselves as a “little” or has a “little” side to them, typically takes on a young persona some or most of the time. Typically it is a mindset where they will regress to a specific age or age set. It could be anywhere from infancy to adolescent. Keep in mind this is a persona and not related to what their power exchange dynamic is or even if they have one at all. They may or may not have sexual relationships. They are usually on the submissive end of the spectrum, but not always. If you attend a littles party you may find that a majority of the space is filled with people on the floor in footie pajamas with stuffed animals, coloring books, etc. The hosts may have a room or two away from the main space that is designated for BDSM play and/or sexual activity. The reason for this is that for many littles, adult activities of a sexual nature would be considered abusive or at least inappropriate. Added note: just because someone identifies as a little does not automatically mean they were abused as a child.

Babygirls, on the other hand, you can think more in terms of role-play – as opposed to regression. I don’t mean that to imply it is not a true and very real head space for them, just that rather than regressing to a certain age they are typically still an adult, but enjoy a nurturing dynamic. Sometimes age play will be included. For a babygirl, sex and BDSM play aren’t usually seen as inappropriate. Babygirls typically can enjoy being in this head space during adult activities. They may also be into incest or molestation play. However, once again, you can never assume that someone who enjoys this type of play was abused as a child. Regardless of the role-play aspect, most babygirls enjoy the underlying dynamic of the relationship.

This is why Daddy Doms fit well with babygirls. They both typically enjoy a more nurturing type power exchange. This may also include discipline. One major misnomer about Daddy Doms is that they are less sadistic. NOT TRUE! Not necessarily true at least. Lol If you are an s-type please don’t assume that getting involved with a Daddy Dom means they are teddy bears. They may be, but again you can’t assume this! There are plenty of DDs out there just as sadistic (or more so) than many Doms.

DDs also fit well with someone that identifies as a little. It is a different experience however. How these partners interact will look different. Some DDs have a preference for one or the other due to this.
As with any identifier people choose the same label for various reasons. Just as someone may identify as a Dom versus a Master – they have their reasons. Just ask!

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.

Comments

  1. SmilingButch says:

    Thank you for distinguishing the difference between a babygirl and a little. As a DaddyDom I have dated both and I have realized that I prefer babygirls.

  2. SmilingButch says:

    I had to re-read this article because it’s so right on. I’m going to link to it on any ads I post looking for a babygirl. Thanks for writing this.

    • Wow – thank you SO much for such positive feedback! I am so glad this writing has been useful. It is one of those things that is a mystery for many! lol

  3. rodneyd40 says:

    Thank you for sharing, not many people know the difference between a baby girl and a little. Maybe in your next news letter you can give more detail on a baby girl, teen middle and a little. thank you very much on the read.

  4. As a BG, who doesn’t regress, you’re definition is vastly different than what I see as the common definition. Or, the FetLife definitions in the larger groups. Babygirl (my opinion as one) is an umbrella term for anyone looking for a more nurturing relationship with a Daddy. I know folks who are adult babies, littles, middles/Lolitas, and some who can cross multiple labels.

    I do not consider my “headspace” as role play. It’s not a role, it’s who I am. It’s my dynamic. I have yet to meet any littles/middles that see littles/middles as age players. That’s an entirely different subset/fetish. Most babygirls abhor the idea of incestuous role play. Just as most little have healthy views on sex, no matter their label under the babygirl umbrella, as it is just who they are.

    Babygirl doesn’t have to just sit in one label definition. She can be a bg (referring to the broader umbrella term), little, slave, masochist, pet, etc. I find your definitions entirely too confining. If you’re going off.of Fet, maybe look at the FAQ section in the Daddy Dom’s/babygirls group.

    • I agree with many of your points and so I’m wondering if there were some things “lost in translation” via the typed word rather than in-person discussion. My writing comes from my own experience as a BG as well as discussions with members of the littles community here in LA who have agreed with what I’ve expressed here. There will ALWAYS be exceptions to every rule and definition. This is why when I teach this topic I encourage people to talk and ask questions when they meet someone or are negotiating play with someone who identifies in any of these roles. 🙂

  5. Thank you so much for the information. I do identify as a baby girl because I crave attention and nurturing. I don’t do the onsies or pacifiers.

  6. After almost 2 years together, my submissive has finally discovered that she’s a little. I am unsure how to deal with it as the DD/lg isn’t my thing. We love one another dearly and I don’t want to end our relationship. But on the other hand I don’t want to stifle who she is.

    • Hi Sir Welpf – I would recommend you start with a conversation to really understand what her little feels like and “looks” like for her. How does she feel in that space, what does she need/crave while in that space, how old is her little? It may mean that while in her little head space she needs some quiet time to color or watch cartoons. Perhaps you can simply be present as a support but your engagement isn’t hugely necessary. On the other hand if she is an adult baby, for example, she may want more from you during those times – including diaper changes, interactive games, feeding, etc. In this case perhaps you aren’t comfortable with those activities? Ultimately try to discuss and find out what is at the core of her needs during the time she is in little space. It may be that you two can compromise on the specific actions, so long as the core desires are being met. It’s tough to advise without more info like how old her little is, etc. Another thing people do if they are poly or open to another partner specific to a certain “side” is find someone who you trust that she can explore her little side with. Someone who is comfortable with what she needs in that respect. Again, not sure if you are poly or open to that suggestion but wanted to at least throw it out there! 🙂 I hope you find resolution.

  7. SlaveBunny says:

    I’m sorry to hear that you are in this predicament, SirWelpf. May I ask if she requires you to take on a DD role?

    This info will allow me to better offer advice to you.

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