• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • New to kink?
    • Articles for beginners
  • Contribute
  • BDSM Buying Guide

Kink Weekly

BDSM articles ideas bondage erotica resource

Home » Meta-Communication

Meta-Communication

March 20, 2017 By Jenn Masri 3 Comments

Headphones on microphone stand, professional studio

Meta-communication or metacommunication, is a secondary communication (including indirect cues) about how a piece of information is meant to be interpreted. It is based on idea that the same message accompanied by different meta-communication can mean something entirely different, including its opposite, as in irony. The term was brought to prominence by Gregory Bateson to refer to “communication about communication”, which he expanded to: “all exchanged cues and propositions about (a) codification and (b) relationship between the communicators”. Metacommunication may or may not be congruent, supportive or contradictory of that verbal communication. (definition by Wikipedia, 2017)

Most people understand that a healthy relationship is chock full of good communication. If there is a problem or issue – to be able to sit down and discuss the issue, each partner expressing their viewpoint and opinion, and finding a resolution. This is a wonderful skill to have and it certainly helps a relationship flourish and move forward.

However, an additional skill that often gets overlooked is the ability to have communication about how you each communicate. Sometimes the way we communicate can get in the way of finding solutions to problems. I often find myself in my therapy practice walking couples thru their communication styles (often how they differ) in order for them to be able to focus on the actual problem.

Here’s a very common example of what I’m talking about. A couple has a fight or a problem that comes to the surface. (Going heteronormative here – bear with me) The male partner (I will call him “Steve”) says he needs some air and walks out and drives away. The female partner (I will call her “Linda”) gets even more angry and frustrated – running after Steve and yelling things like, “Oh sure just ignore me and leave like you always do!” She continues to sit at home stewing in anger. Meanwhile Steve is frustrated by Linda following him and screaming. He just knows he needs some time and is frustrated with her that she wants to push the issue right then and there.

Sound familiar? This is a scenario that happens a lot. So now what’s happened is that there is another layer of anger and fighting just about how each partner handled the argument. Perhaps when Steve comes back home there is a whole new fight about him leaving on top of the original issue.

This is a common manifestation when two people process differently. It’s an easy thing to fix once you have a conversation (with empathy) about it. What Steve and Linda will find is that Steve is the type of person who needs time after an argument (or maybe during if it’s really heated) to be alone in order to process and think about the presenting problem. He may also need that time to calm down if he tends to get heated and less logical when emotionally flooded. Linda, on the other hand, is the kind of person who processes in the moment and prefers to deal with issues head on until they are resolved. Taking a “break” feels extremely frustrating and when Steve would just walk away (before she understood why) it felt to her like he didn’t care.

Once both partners learn that they are different in how they process conflict – the hope is that they will no longer take it so personally and will be more empathetic to their partner’s needs, even though their needs are different. So if you and your partner seem to handle things in different ways or there is misinterpretation regarding how things are handled – talk about it. Have some communication about how you communicate. While it may sound like a lot of work or overwhelming – it is something that in the long run will be extremely beneficial to your relationship.

Have some kinky news to share? Tell us about any upcoming BDSM events, new products, dungeon openings / closings, collarings, kink in mainstream media, and anything else you think kinky folks might be interested to hear about. Send your tips through to news@kinkweekly.com, and it might just end up on next week’s “This Week in Kink”!

You may also be interested in:

  • Unitentional Meta-toge
    Unitentional Meta-toge
  • Communication: All The Moments
    Communication: All The Moments
  • Proper Communication
    Proper Communication

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Reddit
  • Email

Tagged With: communication, relationships

Like Kink Weekly? Support us on Patreon!

Become a Patron!

Help keep us online & get epic good karma (and no ads)
Already a supporter? We love you! Visit here to enable ad-free browsing.

Sale – today only

You need this spreader bar

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Mistress Kit says

    April 5, 2017 at 9:17 am

    If I may suggest a communication ritual I use on my Alpha slave when things get confusing. It’s called the talking stick approach and I learned it from a splendid book. Master slave Mastery authors Rubel and Fairfield. Very simple but very good. When things start to go downhill in our communication I,the owner of my slave sit him down facing me eye to eye,I then pick up the talking stick which is always kept in the kitchen,that seems to be the place where he becomes a brat the most often. With stick in hand I speak my mind clearly,then My slave has to repeat back to me what I’ve just said to him verbatim. He is then allowed to pick up the stick and speak,I then repeat back to him what he said,then I am allowed to hold the stick and speak. This goes on until we both fully understand what each of us wants or needs and we come to conclusion. This process has worked extensively. Oh,and if he’s still behaving badly I then can pick up the stick and beat him into submission lol…,a bit of humour there folks

    Reply
    • MJ McBlaire says

      May 31, 2017 at 2:03 pm

      Awesome…my Sir has that idea too but has not implemented it yet.

  2. Delila Cutie says

    March 21, 2017 at 4:13 pm

    holy cow, greta example of multi layered confusion and misunderstandings! relationships are hard 🙁

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Don’t miss out!

Get an email each week when new editions are online
We won't spam you, and you can
easily unsubscribe at any time

Sale – today only

Bondage kinks coffee mug

Put a smile on your face each morning

Support Kink Weekly on Patreon!

Become a Patron!

Help keep us online and get
epic good karma (and no ads)

Already a supporter? We love you! Visit here to enable ad-free browsing.

Get

Sexy top & skirt

Contribute

Want to feature your writing or photography on Kink Weekly? Are you an BDSM/sex expert or professional, and interested in being quoted in an article? Contact us

Archives

sexy blonde Domme with male submissive in straitjacket

Simple Mummification Fun!

By PirateStan Leave a Comment

Learn helpful mummification techniques in this week’s edition!

shibari male submissive bound

Why Excellent Submission Can Be Remarkably Illusive

By Ms. RikaLeave a Comment

Dive deep into submission with Ms. Rika in this week’s edition!

Footer

18 U.S.C. 2257 record keeping compliance statement
Always play
Safe Sane and Consensual

Copyright © 2023 · News Pro On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in