• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • New to kink?
    • Articles for beginners
  • Contribute
  • BDSM Buying Guide

Kink Weekly

BDSM articles ideas bondage erotica resource

Home » Pillow Princess Dom

Pillow Princess Dom

November 21, 2016 By Jenn Masri 3 Comments

smile

So I was having a conversation a while back with a friend of mine. If you know me personally, you know my memory sucks and I can’t remember the details of the conversation. However, what I do remember is that, for whatever reason, the way she was describing a Dom caused me to blurt out, “He’s a pillow princess Dom!” I then had to explain what a “pillow princess” was. If you haven’t heard this term before – here is the Urban Dictionary definition:

Pillow Princess: A woman, usually in a curious/bisexual context, who wants to experience pleasure from oral sex, but who is unwilling to reciprocate. Jane: All Jill ever does when we have sex is just lay back and have me do all the work.

So now you may be wondering how I applied this to a Dominant (and in the example my friend gave – a MALE Dom). Basically I am referring to a Dominant who thinks of power exchange as a one-way gift from the submissive. (fyi – for the purpose of this article I am using Dom to refer to any gender identity)

I think sometimes new D-types walk in to the scene and expect (either thru false media or false assumptions) that as a Dom they don’t have to do anything except tell subs what to do. Here’s the thing. I can understand that fantasy. Sit on your figurative throne, have a sub at your feet, massaging them, unless of course they are busy preparing you food, cleaning your house, and running your errands. Instinctively knowing what you need and how you prefer everything to be done. All the while you spend your time living your life the way you wish – outside of your job you simply sit back and watch tv or play video games while your sub frantically takes care of everything else.
While that may be a lovely fantasy, it’s just that, a fantasy. You will be hard pressed to find a sub who would last long in this scenario without getting anything in return. There is a reason it’s called power EXCHANGE. A D/s dynamic takes both partners giving to the other. They may be giving different things, but it’s never a one way street. Even in the example of a very simple domestic service type of dynamic – a sub cleans for a Dom with no expectation of sex, play, or payment. At the very least (in my opinion) there should at least be appreciation expressed from the Dom. Using protocols as another example – you can’t just give a bunch of protocols to your sub and expect them to happen. If you give so many that you can’t remember them and your sub forgets, you don’t reprimand, the protocol may disappear. It takes both parties to nurture the dynamic. We are all humans first. No matter how we identify or what fetishes we love, we are human beings first. So if you are someone I would consider a “pillow princess dom” you may want to reconsider. It may work for a little while, or for short spurts of roleplay with a long term partner, but eventually if you don’t participate in the exchange you will go thru subs like a Kardashian goes thru shoes.

Jennifer Masri is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in Alternative Lifestyles for individual and relationship issues. She also teaches the BDSM 101 class series at Sanctuary LAX in Los Angeles every Monday evening. Read more about Jennifer on her blog, A Kink Shrink.

You may also be interested in:

  • Dexx Interviews Princess Kali
    Dexx Interviews Princess Kali
  • Two Dom or Not Two Dom
    Two Dom or Not Two Dom
  • When A Dom Is Down
    When A Dom Is Down

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Reddit
  • Email

Tagged With: dominant, dynamic, newbies

Like Kink Weekly? Support us on Patreon!

Become a Patron!

Help keep us online & get epic good karma (and no ads)
Already a supporter? We love you! Visit here to enable ad-free browsing.

Sale – today only

Make her smile with colored bondage straps

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. notthatrussiandom says

    August 14, 2021 at 3:59 am

    I expected something else from this article once I saw the title. I completely agree with the main ideas, but “pillow princess” can mean different things.

    For example, I want to explore my dominant side during sex, but I only can climax if I am completely passive and not in control for some time. Being dominant really turns me on, but I won’t cum if I am active and controlling. So, I was looking for some tips to implement that pillow princess needs into a powerplay.

    Reply
  2. Jeannie says

    January 9, 2017 at 7:31 pm

    WOW. I also feel as if I always just want to please. That being denied any type of gratification is just part and parcel of being a sub. I thought To myself I would be embarrassed to receive any thing from my D. Unless as a S you consider Humiliation or a golden shower or I don’t know but these things as a reward for having done what I as a S was supposed to do. I don’t know.

    Reply
  3. harrietta lil says

    November 22, 2016 at 6:10 pm

    im glad you “exposed” this behavior for what it is. A dom should not expect everything but give nothing in return

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Don’t miss out!

Get an email each week when new editions are online
We won't spam you, and you can
easily unsubscribe at any time

Sale – today only

Bondage kinks coffee mug

Put a smile on your face each morning

Support Kink Weekly on Patreon!

Become a Patron!

Help keep us online and get
epic good karma (and no ads)

Already a supporter? We love you! Visit here to enable ad-free browsing.

Get

A fun little flogger with just the right amount of zing

Contribute

Want to feature your writing or photography on Kink Weekly? Are you an BDSM/sex expert or professional, and interested in being quoted in an article? Contact us

Archives

sexy blonde Domme with male submissive in straitjacket

Simple Mummification Fun!

By PirateStan Leave a Comment

Learn helpful mummification techniques in this week’s edition!

shibari male submissive bound

Why Excellent Submission Can Be Remarkably Illusive

By Ms. RikaLeave a Comment

Dive deep into submission with Ms. Rika in this week’s edition!

Footer

18 U.S.C. 2257 record keeping compliance statement
Always play
Safe Sane and Consensual

Copyright © 2023 · News Pro On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in