For as long as I can remember, I have had an oral fixation. Initially, it started with chewing. I bit or chewed everything. I always assumed it was a stress response. As I got older, it developed into a love of sucking. I often used my own wrist or lollipops if I was outside my home. As I became more comfortable with it, I moved to using teething necklaces and pacifiers.
I find sucking comforting. It quiets my mind and help calms me emotionally. So, in times of stress or highly charged emotions, I use my mouth. When I entered a relationship with my wife, I just didn’t bring it up. I continued as I had for most of my life, by self-soothing.
What you may not know about me is that I used to write fanfiction. I do, in fact, still read it to this day. Somewhere in one of the stories, I was introduced to Adult Nursing Relationships (ANRs).
So, what is it?
It has several different names that can be used interchangeably. However, I do think the way someone refers to an ANR, reflects their interest in it.
Traditionally, ANRs are typically seen as pertaining to heterosexual couples, since this most often occurs after childbirth. ANRs are not specific to any particular sexuality, gender, or relationship type (such as a Domestic Discipline, 1950’s, Caregiver/little, or D/s dynamic).
The relationship aspect to ANR simply means there is some kind of underlying connection between the individuals. It does not need to be a romantic or long-term relationship, although often times they are. ANRs do not need to be sexual either. The main attraction of breast feeding is often about bonding, close skin-to-skin contact, or the feelings of nurture from either suckling or being suckled.
So, let’s get into some definitions now that we know the background information.
Adult Nursing– It is simply a person who drinks the milk of another.
-Medically, drinking a woman’s milk was done to alleviate the pain of swollen breasts, whether from a lack of natural expression or just an overabundance of production.
Erotic Lactation– sexual arousal from drinking a woman’s breastmilk. Lactophilia and Milk Fetishism are also terms that refer to this kind of sexual excitement (though they are mostly used in the field of psychiatry and listed in the ICD-10 and the DSM-IV). Hucows (or Human Cows) also fall under erotic lactation but are more of a sexual fetish that involves animal play and milking.
ANRs can be romantic relationships, sexual relationships, emotional relationships, roleplay, or any combination thereof.
There is also a phenomenon called dry suckling. Dry suckling is the suckling (or gentle application of sucking and licking) without milk production.
This is the one I enjoy. My wife did not enjoy breastfeeding nor having her breasts swollen with milk. When she stopped producing, she swore to never do so again. While there are ways to induce milk production, we have chosen to not take those steps. I find it emotionally soothing.
Adult Nursing Relationships tend to develop one of two ways. The first is natural development (or curiosity) after childbirth, in which your partner is naturally producing breastmilk. The second is through arduous negotiation, upkeep, and effort.
The reason I call the second one arduous is because inducing lactation is not an easy process. It requires constant suckling and stimulation to upkeep, even after milk production occurs. That said, it is said to be extremely fulfilling.
It should also be noted that some women struggle with or are incapable of producing breastmilk. Some of the medical conditions can include hypoplasia of the breast, lactation insufficiency, insufficient milk syndrome, agalactia, agalactorrhea, hypogalactia or hypogalactorrhe.
Even if you have not been diagnosed with any of these conditions, I always recommend seeing your primary care doctor for advice on inducing milk production, maintaining the supply, or how to cope with any struggles you may be having.
If you were to google it, there are hundreds of homeopathic remedies that say they can initiate or increase your milk supply. Since I do not have a medical degree, I refuse to offer up advice on those types of remedies or the possibilities of failure or success by using them.
Lactation can be incorporated into a relationship beyond suckling. In a D/s or M/s dynamic, it can give the D-type more control over their s-type’s body.
- The ability of when or where the s-type can (or cannot) express their milk.
- Keeping an s-type bound to a schedule
- Breasts swollen with milk are more sensitive and can be incorporated with impact play for both pleasure and punishment (with care).
- Milk can be shared with guests at the D-type’s discretion (and with negotiated consent).
- If you push down on the breast (specifically at the point where the corner of the lips touch the skin) it breaks the suction. If done repeatedly, I consider it to be quite Sadistic.
*If it is the D-type who is lactating, the withholding of the ability to suckle can be used as a form of punishment or as a conduit to teach patience and self-control
Honestly, the possibilities are endless. The incorporation of certain types of play, such as needle play and/or piercings (play or permanent) should be assessed on a case-by-case basis to prevent too much trauma to the breast tissue, which could impact milk flow.
As mentioned earlier, ANRs can be enjoyed by any sexuality and gender. Biologically, men do not naturally produce breastmilk (except in a couple rare phenomenon in which the hormone prolactin becomes present in their body). However, there are ways that things can be adjusted to allow them to be the “producer.” The use of a nursing bra and a bottle of milk (or another liquid of choice) can mimic the natural process. Holding a partner and having them drink straight from a bottle can still give the same bonding experience while compensating for the inability to produce from the breast. Tubing can also be used to slow feed liquids. You can place the tubing near the nipple and have the individual suckle the nipple and the tubing at the same time. Please note that this needs to be done carefully and can be both messy and a choking hazard if done incorrectly.
Overall, Adult Nursing Relationships are what you make them. They can be sexual if that is what you wish. They can be about bonding and being emotionally connected to a partner. They can involve milk production or not (although the latter is considered a controversial idea).
For me, the most important part is the suckling. It brings me comfort and peace of mind. It soothes my frazzled nerves and calms me. I prefer to suckle at her breast, but I have learned to adjust to the wrist or inner elbow as needed (since her nipples tend to be the most erogenous part of her body). However you wish to look at it, ANRs are about connection. Whatever your connection looks like, as long as it is consensual, let your imagination be your guide.