The Fine Art Of Flirting

I’ve often said that I believe flirting should be treated as a fine art. It is not something one can wander into with no experience, no clear objective, and certainly no quips on hand. For me when I am flirted with it either goes into one of two categories: 1) Nice try bum. Next! or 2) Well what do we have here? Those are my only two mental reactions. One of them will lead to an equally flirtatious response from me the other…well…let’s not strive for the other.

I learned at a very young age that flirting was a gateway action. Get that perfected and the possibilities were endless. I’ve been known to give men who may otherwise not have captured my attention a second look-over solely because I was attracted to their flirting technique.

And I’m sure anyone who has swapped racy emails, naughty pics, or even spent a few nights sexting knows that the build up a good flirting does for any future actual sexual acts makes it all the more better.

I know not every person is versed in the way of flirting, so I’m going to give you lackluster ones some quick tips to remember:

When You Least Expect It

Flirting can happen almost anywhere, so always bring your A game…or at least a solid B-. This means we don’t get many second chances. I use to read the ‘Missed Connections’ sections on Craigslist and romanticize about all the people who “Saw a tall, full bearded fellow with a red backpack but was too shy to…”, or the “Person who held the door at the grocery store who gave me butterflies but…”. For me reading them always had me thinking ‘What stopped them?’ It made me realize a missed connection is usually only held back because of the lack of confidence we think we need to flirt like the films. You only need to take a leap…

Timing Is Everything

Notice I said flirting can happen, almost anywhere, not everywhere. This means no flirting at funerals, just after someone has left the bathroom (this always feels creepy), at or during interviews, religious ceremonies, while someone is crying on your shoulder after a break-up, after a car accident, and anywhere else where there is a larger issue for your possible divinely timed meeting. I personally know these are horrid locations because someone has made an asshat attempt to flirt with me at each one. Cue the biggest eye roll.

Don’t Babble

I’m witty as fuck. When someone approaches me with a lame one-liner or even worse…small talk (eek!) I tend to tune out. Tell me something funny, interesting, or an observation of something taking place. If you lack any clever lines, just stick with the facts and tell me a little about yourself and your interests. Don’t get fancy and don’t panic—it will show and it won’t be cute in the slightest. And when all else fails, admitting that you’re nervous will show your humble quality in its finest moment.

No Arm Waving Necessary

A little subtlety goes a looong way. You don’t need to be a complete ass to get someone’s attention. A nod, wink, cocked smile, heavy eye contact or even a specially-timed shy glance could be the only in you need. But choose only one of these and if it’s a wink, only one wink, otherwise it appears as if you have pink eye or you think they are part of some secret club. The worst are the people await for this physical signal to be returned…how about return to sender! I got the hint, now come talk to me.

Hands Off!

No touching unless invited to do so! Let’s assume everyone does not enjoy unsolicited/unconsented touching of their bodies–ever. This is a violation of someone’s rights and  invasion of their personal space, usually punishable by law. They will give you clues if it’s okay to make contact with them and don’t move closer to them than necessary. Watch the shifting of their weight in your direction, etc. When you get the signal be sure to touch them friendly and appropriately. This is a stranger who you do not know intimately.

Listen Carefully

Once you’ve got someone’s attention. Stay engaged and pay attention. If you are interested in something they say, ask her for more details. It’s been proven that one of the top five traits the average person seek in a partner is for them to be a good listener.

No One Owes You Anything

I hate that I have to even say this but it doesn’t matter if someone ignores you, flirts back, flirts first, invites you to their room, insinuates all the things they want done to them—they are in no way shape or form obligated to “make good” or “owe” you any of those things, rather said or hinted at. Flirting can be intoxicating on its own and for some people that’s all it is to them, a tool to make them feel good or flex their sexuality and smooth talking for fun and that’s where it stops. Anytime anyone says no or stop, including you, it should be respected.

It’s All In Your Head

Flirting is an attitude. It’s having a certain air about you, and is mostly a state of mind. If you’re confident in your actions chances are they will too. Nothing says “You want me” like “I KNOW you want me.” (Or least let me attempt to try and show you why you should)

Now get out there and sharpen those flirting skills sexy people, and when you’re on the receiving end, don’t give someone a hard time if they stumble a little…you gotta kneel before you can beg…

About the Author

d20domme is unapologetically kinky after over 10 years in the community. She is known as pint-height, poly(androus), plus-size, POC, 24/7 Femdom who knows what she wants and will use her craft in mindfuckery and persuasive viper tongue to get it. Her main kink is normalizing kinky lifestyles across the board and thus she can often be found writing on her blog From Mundane To Mistress, chatting away on podcasts, teaching classes, demos, or presenting locally in the Washington, DC area, New York, and sometimes across the pond in Europe.


  1. heartysailor says:

    this article is quite easy to understand organized very well

  2. petplayer says:

    this is a topic that I feel needs to be talked about more often

  3. I think I’m too old for flirting. GREAT tips but I think I’ll stick to being ambiguously friendly.

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