• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • New to kink?
    • Articles for beginners
  • Contribute
  • BDSM Buying Guide

Kink Weekly

BDSM articles ideas bondage erotica resource

Home » The Fine Art Of Flirting

The Fine Art Of Flirting

August 25, 2019 By d20domme 5 Comments


I’ve often said that I believe flirting should be treated as a fine art. It is not something one can wander into with no experience, no clear objective, and certainly no quips on hand. For me when I am flirted with it either goes into one of two categories: 1) Nice try bum. Next! or 2) Well what do we have here? Those are my only two mental reactions. One of them will lead to an equally flirtatious response from me the other…well…let’s not strive for the other.

I learned at a very young age that flirting was a gateway action. Get that perfected and the possibilities were endless. I’ve been known to give men who may otherwise not have captured my attention a second look-over solely because I was attracted to their flirting technique.

And I’m sure anyone who has swapped racy emails, naughty pics, or even spent a few nights sexting knows that the build up a good flirting does for any future actual sexual acts makes it all the more better.

I know not every person is versed in the way of flirting, so I’m going to give you lackluster ones some quick tips to remember:

When You Least Expect It

Flirting can happen almost anywhere, so always bring your A game…or at least a solid B-. This means we don’t get many second chances. I use to read the ‘Missed Connections’ sections on Craigslist and romanticize about all the people who “Saw a tall, full bearded fellow with a red backpack but was too shy to…”, or the “Person who held the door at the grocery store who gave me butterflies but…”. For me reading them always had me thinking ‘What stopped them?’ It made me realize a missed connection is usually only held back because of the lack of confidence we think we need to flirt like the films. You only need to take a leap…

Timing Is Everything

Notice I said flirting can happen, almost anywhere, not everywhere. This means no flirting at funerals, just after someone has left the bathroom (this always feels creepy), at or during interviews, religious ceremonies, while someone is crying on your shoulder after a break-up, after a car accident, and anywhere else where there is a larger issue for your possible divinely timed meeting. I personally know these are horrid locations because someone has made an asshat attempt to flirt with me at each one. Cue the biggest eye roll.

Don’t Babble

I’m witty as fuck. When someone approaches me with a lame one-liner or even worse…small talk (eek!) I tend to tune out. Tell me something funny, interesting, or an observation of something taking place. If you lack any clever lines, just stick with the facts and tell me a little about yourself and your interests. Don’t get fancy and don’t panic—it will show and it won’t be cute in the slightest. And when all else fails, admitting that you’re nervous will show your humble quality in its finest moment.

No Arm Waving Necessary

A little subtlety goes a looong way. You don’t need to be a complete ass to get someone’s attention. A nod, wink, cocked smile, heavy eye contact or even a specially-timed shy glance could be the only in you need. But choose only one of these and if it’s a wink, only one wink, otherwise it appears as if you have pink eye or you think they are part of some secret club. The worst are the people await for this physical signal to be returned…how about return to sender! I got the hint, now come talk to me.

Hands Off!

No touching unless invited to do so! Let’s assume everyone does not enjoy unsolicited/unconsented touching of their bodies–ever. This is a violation of someone’s rights and  invasion of their personal space, usually punishable by law. They will give you clues if it’s okay to make contact with them and don’t move closer to them than necessary. Watch the shifting of their weight in your direction, etc. When you get the signal be sure to touch them friendly and appropriately. This is a stranger who you do not know intimately.

Listen Carefully

Once you’ve got someone’s attention. Stay engaged and pay attention. If you are interested in something they say, ask her for more details. It’s been proven that one of the top five traits the average person seek in a partner is for them to be a good listener.

No One Owes You Anything

I hate that I have to even say this but it doesn’t matter if someone ignores you, flirts back, flirts first, invites you to their room, insinuates all the things they want done to them—they are in no way shape or form obligated to “make good” or “owe” you any of those things, rather said or hinted at. Flirting can be intoxicating on its own and for some people that’s all it is to them, a tool to make them feel good or flex their sexuality and smooth talking for fun and that’s where it stops. Anytime anyone says no or stop, including you, it should be respected.

It’s All In Your Head

Flirting is an attitude. It’s having a certain air about you, and is mostly a state of mind. If you’re confident in your actions chances are they will too. Nothing says “You want me” like “I KNOW you want me.” (Or least let me attempt to try and show you why you should)

Now get out there and sharpen those flirting skills sexy people, and when you’re on the receiving end, don’t give someone a hard time if they stumble a little…you gotta kneel before you can beg…


About the Author

d20domme is unapologetically kinky after over 10 years in the community. She is known as pint-height, poly(androus), plus-size, POC, 24/7 Femdom who knows what she wants and will use her craft in mindfuckery and persuasive viper tongue to get it. Her main kink is normalizing kinky lifestyles across the board and thus she can often be found writing on her blog From Mundane To Mistress, chatting away on podcasts, teaching classes, demos, or presenting locally in the Washington, DC area, New York, and sometimes across the pond in Europe.

You may also be interested in:

  • No Flirting With Hostility
    No Flirting With Hostility
  • Art of Shibari
    Art of Shibari
  • The Erotic Art of Tickling
    The Erotic Art of Tickling

Share this:

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Reddit
  • Email

Tagged With: bdsm, d20domme, fetish, kink

Like Kink Weekly? Support us on Patreon!

Become a Patron!

Help keep us online & get epic good karma (and no ads)
Already a supporter? We love you! Visit here to enable ad-free browsing.

Sale – today only

Great hood for newbies

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Mr. Mots says

    September 11, 2019 at 12:19 pm

    I think I’m too old for flirting. GREAT tips but I think I’ll stick to being ambiguously friendly.

    Reply
  2. petplayer says

    August 27, 2019 at 7:38 am

    this is a topic that I feel needs to be talked about more often

    Reply
    • d20domme says

      August 31, 2019 at 7:43 pm

      I know! I feel like flirting is a lost art with all the ‘Likes’ and ‘Loves’ you can give virtually.

  3. heartysailor says

    August 27, 2019 at 7:37 am

    this article is quite easy to understand organized very well

    Reply
    • d20domme says

      August 31, 2019 at 7:42 pm

      Thank you!

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Don’t miss out!

Get an email each week when new editions are online
We won't spam you, and you can
easily unsubscribe at any time

Sale – today only

Bondage kinks coffee mug

Put a smile on your face each morning

Support Kink Weekly on Patreon!

Become a Patron!

Help keep us online and get
epic good karma (and no ads)

Already a supporter? We love you! Visit here to enable ad-free browsing.

Get

Fun scene: Attach bells, instruct sub not to ring them, do something that makes her wiggle around

Contribute

Want to feature your writing or photography on Kink Weekly? Are you an BDSM/sex expert or professional, and interested in being quoted in an article? Contact us

Archives

sexy blonde Domme with male submissive in straitjacket

Simple Mummification Fun!

By PirateStan Leave a Comment

Learn helpful mummification techniques in this week’s edition!

shibari male submissive bound

Why Excellent Submission Can Be Remarkably Illusive

By Ms. RikaLeave a Comment

Dive deep into submission with Ms. Rika in this week’s edition!

Footer

18 U.S.C. 2257 record keeping compliance statement
Always play
Safe Sane and Consensual

Copyright © 2023 · News Pro On Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in