Learning to Orgasm On Command

I hope you have been enjoying Rika’s Lair, my monthly column dedicated to thoughts and experiences  regarding power dynamics in Service-Oriented D/s relationships. Look up “Ms. Rika” in the search box  for links to all of my articles in KinkWeekly!  

Today, I’m going to go over a technique that I’ve been teaching for many years. Those who have read my books will likely recognize it. The technique is designed to help a submissive learn how to come on  command. This is not some mystical, mind-washing, magic trick; it’s a methodology that helps a sub get  in better touch with their body’s orgasm cycle, so that they can control it well enough to orgasm at a  particular moment.  

The Methodology 

The methodology requires a partner, who ends up being in control of the eventual orgasm. Logically,  the dominant will play this role – but I suppose it doesn’t have to be the dominant. For argument’s sake,  and since most people reading this essay are in (or want to be in) power-based relationships, I’m going  to assume it’s the dominant helping the sub learn to orgasm on command. 

The goal is to achieve orgasm on a countdown. The dominant will count from a chosen number and the  sub will reach orgasm EXACTLY as the dominant reaches zero. Over time and familiarity, the starting  number is decreased, until the sub’s required preparation time is minimized. The final goal will depend  on the physical capabilities of the submissive, but most everyone I’ve tried this with was able to achieve  some level of countdown “perfection.”

The process starts with the submissive stimulating themselves. We do this because it gives the  submissive control of the pace and pressure of stimulation. It will be easiest, in the beginning for the  sub to be thoroughly excited and even teased to some degree before you start. You want the sub to be  able to orgasm relatively easily. In the beginning, the dominant can even ask the sub if they’re ready to  start the process.  

We start with a very aroused submissive who is stimulating themselves, relatively close to orgasm: 

The dominant picks a number; something like 20; and begins to steadily count down to zero. The count  should be evenly paced, and reasonably slow. The goal for the submissive is to start to come when the  dominant says “zero” – not before zero; not 15 seconds after zero; but starting to orgasm AT zero. 

As the dominant is counting, the sub regulates themselves towards their orgasm. If the sub feels  themself approaching orgasm too soon, they need to stop stimulation, so that they don’t come – while  the dominant continues to count at the same, steady, pace. The sub then tries to pick up again to  attempt to still come at zero.  

If the sub does not begin to orgasm as the dominant reaches zero, the sub has to stop stimulation,  immediately. The sub’s objective isn’t to come before zero or after zero, the orgasm has to be starting AT zero – if not, stop. 

If the sub doesn’t come at zero, the dominant lets the sub calm down a little and then decides if they’re going to get another chance right away, or not. This is completely at the dominant’s discretion (another  reason why this works nicely for a power dynamic). If the dominant decides not to try again right away, 

the sub will get another chance at another time – but, for this technique to work best, the sub must not  be allowed to orgasm in between attempts. The key here is that the sub either makes it, or waits until  they eventually do.  

The next time the technique is tried, the dominant can start at the same number – or, if they feel that  the starting number was too low, a higher number. The goal is not to frustrate the sub (that will come  later ), the objective is to help the sub make this work. We want the sub to learn their orgasm cycle. 

Eventually, the sub will learn the feel of their orgasm and figure out how to get to a point and hold off  going too far. They will determine how long it takes to get from that holding point to orgasm – which will  become the point in the countdown where they’ll really start to approach orgasm. Every sub will be  different. For my husband, that magic number is 4. He knows that he can hit a holding point and then,  when I get down to 4 in my count, he switches his mindset and can achieve perfect timing. 

Once, does not perfection make. Once the sub gets this right, do it again and again. They will get pretty  good at it, eventually. Once they start to be consistently able to hit zero from a particular number, the  dominant can start at a lower number, 15, 10, or any number down to the sub’s hold point. You may not  make it a couple of times before the process works at a lower number – but the hold point will be the  same and so the sub will find themselves able to achieve shorter countdowns very quickly. 

Once consistently on time while the sub is stimulating themselves, switch to the dominant doing the  stimulation. This opens a whole different situation for the submissive, because they have less control of  the intensity of the stimulation. They also need to communicate to tell the dominant to stop stimulation in the event that they are approaching orgasm too soon – or request for more stimulation if they’re not  quite in position (which opens the door for some interesting “tease and beg” scenarios).  

I have found that, if the sub is well-controlled at self-stimulation, they will adapt to being stimulated  very quickly; much sooner than you may think.  

Once the sub has mastered control while being stimulated, you can extend the technique to all types of  stimulation – including intercourse. 

The Benefits 

There are a number of benefits to having a submissive who can control the timing of their orgasm. First  of all, having so much awareness of their orgasm cycle allows them to last longer as well as not take too  long. These will make them better lovers. It will allow them to spend more focus on their dominant’s pleasure and time their release(s) (assuming they’re allowed to have them) with their dominant. 

There is also the added benefit of knowing exactly where your sub is along the path to their orgasm – making Tease and Denial games even more effective. If you know your sub is going to orgasm exactly at  zero, then, where will they be at 3; or 2; or 1? You can time denial for a perfect frustration – or for  ruined orgasms by stopping at the right number. 

The “Please Stop” game fits perfectly in on top of this. If you’ll recall (from my previous essays or from  my books), the sub is required to ask to stop stimulation 5 seconds before they orgasm. If they’ve  mastered this technique, they will already know EXACTLY when they’re 5 seconds away from orgasm. If  you, as the dominant, decide not to stop, and you start the 5 second countdown, you know the sub will be able to regulate for orgasm at zero. It won’t matter what type of sexual position you’re in or what  activity you are doing. 

Wrapping Up 

This technique is both doable and effective. It takes some time for the sub to master, but it is absolutely  within the reach of most. It’s effective for all genders and makes for a great control game. I hope you  try it and tell me how it goes! 

Ms. Rika is a lifestyle dominant, educator, and author; living in the suburbs of NYC with her  husband/slave. She has written several popular books on her approach to adding Dominant-Centric,  Service-Oriented D/s to relationships. You can find her books (in both print and eBook formats) at  Lulu.com (http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/msrika), or at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, the iStore, Books-A Million, Kobo.com, or anywhere books are sold. Search for “Ms. Rika”. Write to me at  Ms_Rika@hotmail.com