A little bit about me. I’m approaching my mid-fifties. I had my first exposure to BDSM when I was 16, from a magazine. No pictures, just text.
I’m not a professional writer, but I love sharing my experience. However, I always say, if it works for me doesn’t mean it will work for you. If it doesn’t work for me, it doesn’t mean it won’t work for you. So, I’m happy to share all of my experiences.
This probably is less of interest for people 7*24 in a BDSM lifestyle. `Just because it’s how they live. The article is aimed at people moving from experimenting with BDSM or roleplay with a bit of kink/fetish into a more regular occurrence.
Nothing should ever stop a spontaneous play happening.
I recently read an article on kinkweekly about communication. This very much is a derivative of that.
I will share with you, what I do when I plan a day or a weekend with a submissive. While I’m a switch, when I’m the submissive, I’m submissive and will follow orders.
I realize I had to start some planning after my first ever visit to a professional, commercial BDSM dungeon There is so much there, that if you want to try everything, you will use nothing properly. This is where the use less, but use it more or quality of use over quantity.
I already have a list of role-play scenario’s and persona’s and their dress codes. These are “living lists”, meaning I add, change, delete.
The list below is not exhaustive. Why do I do this? I believe it allows me to get the best experience for my submissive and me. However, when I change my mind I will change scenario’s, dress codes etc. It’s just to give a bit of structure. The most important part I get out of it, is the breaks/downtime. These are very important to me. Recharge, relax, shower, watch some tv, a drink, food, read, chat, cuddle, sleep. Anything is possible in down time. I do this at home as well, as I do have quite some equipment, but it normally is only one scenario/role-play/dress-code when playing at home.
I write this all down
- Role-play scenarios
- Persona’s for me and the submissive
- Tools, toys and equipment I want to use
- The outfits the submissive will wear
- The outfits I will wear
- The breaks in between plays
- Anything the submissive would like to experience
- Food and drink to take
- I decide if I want the submissive to surprise me
- I tell the submissive what kind of outfit or clothing items need to provided
- What kind of punishment. Humiliation, degradation, pain, fear etc.
- What does the submissive wear travelling to the venue
- The start. Hard/soft limits, safe words and signs etc
When we arrive at the venue, even if I or we have been there before, I always take the tour. Things may have changed, added, removed.
We never rush into play. When the host is gone, we walk around. This allows the submissive to identify things he/she would want to use, not want to use or try out. We most likely try out certain devices, so we are both comfortable using them.
We talk about what lies ahead. For me it’s equally important the submissive has a say. We have a drink, as quite often the submissive, in my experience, will need to get into the frame of mind. Please remember, this is not a 7*24 lifestyle partnership I’m talking about.
Next is, I’ll go to the bedroom or whatever room is available to prepare the outfits. While I’m doing that, I hand the submissive the paper with scenarios and dress codes for each of the scenarios. It explains that there will be more detailed instructions with the clothes.
Most certainly I will dress in another room, so the submissive doesn’t know what I’m wearing until they see me.
When I come back, I’ll tell the submissive the first outfit or instruction is on the bed. When ready, go and dress. Read the instructions. Then the day starts.
As I said above, this is me sharing my experience. It may or may not work for you. I hope this all makes sense. If it helps you get a better experience, I’m happy.
About the Author
Agreed, if that was unclear, I apologise. Always, they need to be talked about. I usually have them as question 1 or 2.
What is your name?
What is your safe word?
Also, safewords should be talked about before play too
I believe that until you know your partner really well and trust has been completely established nothing concerning play should be spontaneous