
From the time I was sexually active I was always surprised when I dated a girl who was as sexually active and as horny as I was. I was raised in a home with a prude for a mother, and sex was never, ever discussed. It was not as if sex was made to be bad or dirty, it just was never ever discussed. So, I grew up very horny but not really aware of or clear about how girls saw, thought about or experienced sex. My high school experience was mostly mashing with girls at parties. It was here that I had my first kiss and felt up the breasts of one or two girls, and it wasn’t until I had almost graduated high school that I had my first actual sexual encounters, close to 18 years of age. My early sex life was more of a hormone driven desperate desire to ejaculate, than an exploration of sexuality. That only happened later.
In college I got lots of pussy, and for the most part it was a continuation of my adolescence expressed as 20-year-old rookie vanilla sex. I had one secret weapon though. My older sister, who was nine years older than me, once shared with me when I was perhaps 9 or 10 years old, that I “should always please my lover before I please myself.” I didn’t really understand what she was on about, but even so, I took that to heart and by and large, over time, I became adept at eating pussy and withholding my orgasm till my lover climaxed. Then, in college, I dated my first serious girlfriend, Maryellen. She was a 25. I was 19. She was very sexy and very sexual more than that, she was the first girl I dated that unabashedly worshiped my cock. She loved sucking my cock, she took pictures of my erection on the beach, and she really made me feel a little uncomfortable about how much she was into my cock. At the time, I was a bit embarrassed about her obsession if I am honest. Looking back though, I can see how things might have gone differently if I was more aware of my sexual power which only emerged for me later in life. I went from girlfriend to girlfriend in college, until I eventually at 23, I dated, lived with and then married my wife at age 26, and for those 3 years and the next 3 years our sex life was about the same as before – uninspired vanilla sex. You might say that as regards my sex life, I had an almost certain predictable future. Then at age 29 we started having kids and my sex life came to a sputtering halt. The future I was living into changed entirely from boring and intermittent, to barely active at all as regards my sex life. What this meant for me was that for about 20 years, I spent my nights lying in bed next to an otherwise sexy blonde who was nursing and mothering her 4 kids, and who had no real interest in sex at all. I was left to fantasize to porn magazines and movies I rented from Blue video, while I masturbated, imagining a kinky submissive who loved sex as much as I did as my forever partner. It was the old Woody Allen joke “the problem with my sex life is that it only involved one consenting adult.” I joke about it now, but it really was painful. I suffered the loneliness that accidental celibacy produced for me. My “love language” is “physical contact and genital sex.” Hers was “service”. We were as sexually compatible as chalk and cheese are alike. Out of desperation, I found women from time to time to engage with sexually, and through this process, I more or less interacted with my fantasy women “Submissive sluts who worshiped my cock” by doing so. What made this difficult was that the women I encountered were deeply sexual and so unlike my wife that I was ready to leave her time and time again. This was an unsustainable condition. Naturally, my wife and I ended up getting divorced.
After we separated, I set about deeply exploring my sexuality. And I found myself dating ever more kinky women and I got to take a deep dive into my kinky fetishes. I found that I was into BDSM and I identified naturally as a Top or Dom. I also found an outlet for me my sadistic nature in the world of sexuality. I was genuinely surprised at the number of women I encountered who willingly and happily gave me their consent. It was truly mind-blowing.
I spent the next few years contemplating the women I was with, and what occurred for me was this. I was searching for the “perfect partner” for me. I conjured up out of nothing the idea that I lived with a collared submissive slut in 24/7 total power exchange. I created the possibility in my mind that such a partnership would result in a deeply loving and committed dynamic where we were sex forward and kink forward and that she would choose me to be her Master gifting herself to me ongoingly, and that inside of that dynamic, the intimacy that I had been missing my whole life would naturally occur.
My intention was to collar my submissive slut and to live with her while as her full self-expression as a completely sexualized 3-hole slut. What I mean by this is that without any effort, she authentically sees herself as my imminently desirable, always available sexual creature who orgasms during impact play, and has earth shattering, powerful orgasms, especially during anal play. I require her complete discipline and devotion as a sexual creature and partner. I can happily report that Living with Lady Petra has been and continues to be the fulfillment of this intention.
The process of sexualizing my slut requires ongoing training and committed effort on my part to achieve the desired outcome on a gradient. At the same time, my slut needs to be coachable, willing and interested in being fully self-expressed in service to her Master as his owned and collared submissive slut and masochist. In short, she belongs to me, and it is up to me to make sure that her service is rewarded and encouraged. I am 100% responsible. At the same time, she is also 100% responsible for creating the relationship on a daily basis. For example, she kneels for me in a perfect Nadu pose to indicate that she is ready to be used. This is her choice.
We had a conversation about sexualizing the dynamic on our podcast the Kinky Cocktail Hour – here is an excerpt of that conversation:
“SafferMaster:
… that is what this podcast is about. Is this broader question of how do you sexualize a dynamic? And this (wearing clit jewelry all day) is an example of how you sexualize a dynamic. What I mean by that is in any relationship, sex can be something that happens between a couple regularly or intermittently and life gets in the way in the middle. Right. And I can imagine certainly from my own experience, I imagine from other people’s experience that oftentimes sex gets put to the side and in a dynamic where there’s a power dynamic occurring of any sort or a D/s dynamic of any sort. The question is “how do you keep the context of the dynamic sexual” and you, and I both believe in a healthy sexual context, we are in a sex forward, kink forward dynamic, that was what we created, and in a healthy sexual dynamic, the CONTEXT is sexual, it is not just the sex that is sexual.
Lady Petra:
Right, right. Oh, I mean, yes, there are all different things happening in a scene. However, I feel throughout our scene-ing, it’s all sexualized. And I mean that because for me, if, if you’re flogging me, I’m cumming.
SafferMaster:
Right.
Lady Petra:
And you’re usually stroking your cock and things like that. And when I’m caned, I’ve cum before and then of course you in the way we do that as cane and then you fuck my ass, that kind of thing. And it brings that context. So we just, we stay like really connected to that context all the time
SafferMaster:
In a scene.
Lady Petra:
Yes.
SafferMaster:
I’m arguing that there’s a broader context to our dynamic that’s sexualized.
Lady Petra:
Yeah. I agree. I agree with you.
SafferMaster:
And what I’m arguing is that there’s a way to keep the dynamic sexualized so that the sexual scenes are [always] really exciting and hot and you don’t have … get up for them.
Lady Petra:
Well, I definitely think the way we foreplay.
SafferMaster:
yes, as an example,
Lady Petra:
All day long or two days ahead or whatever.
SafferMaster:
Yeah.
Lady Petra:
I think that’s a perfect example of creating, um, excitement and intensity and a readiness to in your head versus not knowing what’s happening next. What there’s, this is one thing I noticed just based on the dynamic we’ve created we’re sex forward. So we play all the time.
SafferMaster:
Yes.
Lady Petra:
You know, and, but we also have lives and work and stuff. So we tend to use the early part of our day to wake up and to get going with our days. And there could be sexualization happening there, but that’s kind of what’s happening. And then we save the latter part mid, mid to latter parts of our day as sceneing.
SafferMaster:
Yeah.
Lady Petra:
You know, but in that whole day there’s sexualization. So if you think about it, you’re, you’re I get up early before you, cause I need to go to the gym and I need to go do some stuff. And my work hours are a lot earlier than yours. And so I get up and I do normal things, dynamic tasks, things, things that make me responsible for myself wellbeing and for the households wellbeing, what have you. But then I send you a picture of my marks,
SafferMaster:
Right
Lady Petra:
So that’s sexualizing, you know, you know what I’m saying? And lately we’ve added picture of my toes and occasional add a picture of me kind of a fun, sexy type of picture with me right before we’ve even been face-to-face in the morning.
SafferMaster:
Right.
Lady Petra:
And then, you know, of course we make time to be affectionate when we greet each other in the morning, we don’t take that for granted that it just, who we are, you know? So we make sure to do that. And then throughout the day, we’re both responsible for greetings and for acknowledgement in an affectionate sexual way with one another,
SafferMaster:
right.
Lady Petra:
You also have given me tasks to do edging tasks or have explained when you go on your walk and I prepare myself what you expect me to do to prepare,
SafferMaster:
right.
Lady Petra:
Uh, that may not be the normal thing we do. It would be additional stuff. Or if you have a specifics on how you present yourself, you also then know there are times when you’re giving me freedom that you don’t know what you’re going to come home to. You might come home to me appearing any way, any which way, which is an excitement for you.
SafferMaster:
Sure.
Lady Petra:
You know, you going on your walk, knowing I’m getting prepared is sexualizing that time that you’re away.
SafferMaster:
It’s very difficult to have a walk, try to listen to my book knowing that you are home getting prepared .., I’m going to get home to a horny slut, presenting herself to be used. It’s hot.
Lady Petra:
Yeah.”
In this back and forth, you can see that my collared slut is all in. She is 100% committed to the dynamic. She has been trained to present herself, she has been trained to cum with flogging and caning. She is a trained ass whore. She does as instructed in order to please me sexually. For example, when she kneels for her flogging, she arches her back and presents her ass and leans into the flogger. She may get 300 or 400 strokes and she is dripping wet with her juices running down her legs having experienced multiple orgasms, and her ass is red hot after her flogging. Because I like fucking her red-hot ass, she likes having her ass red hot for me to fuck. She is fully enrolled and registered into her role as my collared submissive slut and all that that entails.
Keeping the context sexualized had not only enhanced our relationship, but it has kept our dynamic healthy too. Take this text exchange last week
Me: I think today would be a good day to wear your clit Jewelry
LP: Thank you Sir
Me: And while you are at it, use the Hitachi every 30 minutes on your swollen clit to make yourself cum
LP: Yes Sir, thank you Sir
She then sent me a message every 30 minutes to let me know she had completed the task she was assigned. On occasion I went into the adjacent room to kiss her and fondle her breast while she masturbated with the Hitachi. By the time I used her later that day , she was a “soupy mess” as she put it.
Remember, I spent over 30 years in a relationship where there was no broader context to keep the sexual aspect of our relationship present and alive, and now, I live in a D/s dynamic where the context is fully sexualized all the time.
She is a service slut, so part of what fills her cup is to serve. She is fastidious and committed to making our home beautiful. She supports my cheffy nature by being my sous chef and by keeping the kitchen clean. All of this “domestic activity” plays into her nature as a service sub and on top of that she is deeply submissive to me and chooses me to submit to.
My self-expression as her Dom includes a commitment to keeping the dynamic highly charged with sexual energy. It is working out perfectly.
When I look at how I spent the 30 years before I met her as compared to the time since I created this dynamic with her, it is shocking to consider that this highly charged sexual dynamic was always within my grasp, and at the same time, just out of reach the whole time. It was really the absence of a willing partner to make it all come together.
Today, my view is that sexualizing their dynamic is the most worthwhile step a couple can take to bring their dynamic fully into alignment.
SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and personal coaching options.
You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com
The Patreon is also a way to sign up: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on all podcast platforms
TanyaJones says
Love the transcript from the podcast. Really helped me to further understand the concepts
SafferMaster says
Thats great, its a really fun way to live, in a sex forward dynamic, where everything is sexualized…Even when I ask her to get me a beer…”would my slut like to get daddy a beer?”
Its all playful all the time. And there are times when we are lying on the couch where I say to her, go bend over the couch and pull down your panties, I am going to fuck you” and she does….and I do…and its hot.
GoddessRose says
good info!
SafferMaster says
Thanks!