Sexualizing Your Dynamic

From the time I was sexually active I was always surprised when I dated a girl who was as sexually active  and as horny as I was. I was raised in a home with a prude for a mother, and sex was never, ever  discussed. It was not as if sex was made to be bad or dirty, it just was never ever discussed. So, I grew  up very horny but not really aware of or clear about how girls saw, thought about or experienced sex.  My high school experience was mostly mashing with girls at parties. It was here that I had my first kiss  and felt up the breasts of one or two girls, and it wasn’t until I had almost graduated high school that I  had my first actual sexual encounters, close to 18 years of age. My early sex life was more of a hormone  driven desperate desire to ejaculate, than an exploration of sexuality. That only happened later.  

In college I got lots of pussy, and for the most part it was a continuation of my adolescence expressed as  20-year-old rookie vanilla sex. I had one secret weapon though. My older sister, who was nine years  older than me, once shared with me when I was perhaps 9 or 10 years old, that I “should always please  my lover before I please myself.” I didn’t really understand what she was on about, but even so, I took  that to heart and by and large, over time, I became adept at eating pussy and withholding my orgasm till  my lover climaxed. Then, in college, I dated my first serious girlfriend, Maryellen. She was a 25. I was 19.  She was very sexy and very sexual more than that, she was the first girl I dated that unabashedly  worshiped my cock. She loved sucking my cock, she took pictures of my erection on the beach, and she  really made me feel a little uncomfortable about how much she was into my cock. At the time, I was a  bit embarrassed about her obsession if I am honest. Looking back though, I can see how things might  have gone differently if I was more aware of my sexual power which only emerged for me later in life. I  went from girlfriend to girlfriend in college, until I eventually at 23, I dated, lived with and then married  my wife at age 26, and for those 3 years and the next 3 years our sex life was about the same as before –  uninspired vanilla sex. You might say that as regards my sex life, I had an almost certain predictable  future. Then at age 29 we started having kids and my sex life came to a sputtering halt. The future I was  living into changed entirely from boring and intermittent, to barely active at all as regards my sex life.  What this meant for me was that for about 20 years, I spent my nights lying in bed next to an otherwise  sexy blonde who was nursing and mothering her 4 kids, and who had no real interest in sex at all. I was  left to fantasize to porn magazines and movies I rented from Blue video, while I masturbated, imagining  a kinky submissive who loved sex as much as I did as my forever partner. It was the old Woody Allen  joke “the problem with my sex life is that it only involved one consenting adult.” I joke about it now, but  it really was painful. I suffered the loneliness that accidental celibacy produced for me. My “love  language” is “physical contact and genital sex.” Hers was “service”. We were as sexually compatible as  chalk and cheese are alike. Out of desperation, I found women from time to time to engage with  sexually, and through this process, I more or less interacted with my fantasy women “Submissive sluts  who worshiped my cock” by doing so. What made this difficult was that the women I encountered were  deeply sexual and so unlike my wife that I was ready to leave her time and time again. This was an  unsustainable condition. Naturally, my wife and I ended up getting divorced.  

After we separated, I set about deeply exploring my sexuality. And I found myself dating ever more kinky  women and I got to take a deep dive into my kinky fetishes. I found that I was into BDSM and I identified  naturally as a Top or Dom. I also found an outlet for me my sadistic nature in the world of sexuality. I  was genuinely surprised at the number of women I encountered who willingly and happily gave me their  consent. It was truly mind-blowing. 

I spent the next few years contemplating the women I was with, and what occurred for me was this. I  was searching for the “perfect partner” for me. I conjured up out of nothing the idea that I lived with a  collared submissive slut in 24/7 total power exchange. I created the possibility in my mind that such a partnership would result in a deeply loving and committed dynamic where we were sex forward and  kink forward and that she would choose me to be her Master gifting herself to me ongoingly, and that  inside of that dynamic, the intimacy that I had been missing my whole life would naturally occur.  

My intention was to collar my submissive slut and to live with her while as her full self-expression as a  completely sexualized 3-hole slut. What I mean by this is that without any effort, she authentically sees  herself as my imminently desirable, always available sexual creature who orgasms during impact play,  and has earth shattering, powerful orgasms, especially during anal play. I require her complete discipline  and devotion as a sexual creature and partner. I can happily report that Living with Lady Petra has been  and continues to be the fulfillment of this intention.  

The process of sexualizing my slut requires ongoing training and committed effort on my part to achieve  the desired outcome on a gradient. At the same time, my slut needs to be coachable, willing and  interested in being fully self-expressed in service to her Master as his owned and collared submissive  slut and masochist. In short, she belongs to me, and it is up to me to make sure that her service is  rewarded and encouraged. I am 100% responsible. At the same time, she is also 100% responsible for  creating the relationship on a daily basis. For example, she kneels for me in a perfect Nadu pose to  indicate that she is ready to be used. This is her choice.  

We had a conversation about sexualizing the dynamic on our podcast the Kinky Cocktail Hour – here is  an excerpt of that conversation:  

“SafferMaster:  

… that is what this podcast is about. Is this broader question of how do you sexualize a dynamic? And  this (wearing clit jewelry all day) is an example of how you sexualize a dynamic. What I mean by that is in  any relationship, sex can be something that happens between a couple regularly or intermittently and  life gets in the way in the middle. Right. And I can imagine certainly from my own experience, I imagine  from other people’s experience that oftentimes sex gets put to the side and in a dynamic where there’s  a power dynamic occurring of any sort or a D/s dynamic of any sort. The question is “how do you keep  the context of the dynamic sexual” and you, and I both believe in a healthy sexual context, we are in a  sex forward, kink forward dynamic, that was what we created, and in a healthy sexual dynamic, the  CONTEXT is sexual, it is not just the sex that is sexual.  

Lady Petra:  

Right, right. Oh, I mean, yes, there are all different things happening in a scene. However, I feel  throughout our scene-ing, it’s all sexualized. And I mean that because for me, if, if you’re flogging me,  I’m cumming.  

SafferMaster:  

Right. 

Lady Petra:  

And you’re usually stroking your cock and things like that. And when I’m caned, I’ve cum before and  then of course you in the way we do that as cane and then you fuck my ass, that kind of thing. And it  brings that context. So we just, we stay like really connected to that context all the time  

SafferMaster:  

In a scene.  

Lady Petra:  

Yes.  

SafferMaster:  

I’m arguing that there’s a broader context to our dynamic that’s sexualized.  

Lady Petra:  

Yeah. I agree. I agree with you.  

SafferMaster:  

And what I’m arguing is that there’s a way to keep the dynamic sexualized so that the sexual scenes are  [always] really exciting and hot and you don’t have … get up for them.  

Lady Petra:  

Well, I definitely think the way we foreplay.  

SafferMaster:  

yes, as an example,  

Lady Petra:  

All day long or two days ahead or whatever.  

SafferMaster:  

Yeah.  

Lady Petra:  

I think that’s a perfect example of creating, um, excitement and intensity and a readiness to in your head  versus not knowing what’s happening next. What there’s, this is one thing I noticed just based on the  dynamic we’ve created we’re sex forward. So we play all the time. 

SafferMaster:  

Yes.  

Lady Petra:  

You know, and, but we also have lives and work and stuff. So we tend to use the early part of our day to  wake up and to get going with our days. And there could be sexualization happening there, but that’s  kind of what’s happening. And then we save the latter part mid, mid to latter parts of our day as  sceneing.  

SafferMaster:  

Yeah.  

Lady Petra:  

You know, but in that whole day there’s sexualization. So if you think about it, you’re, you’re I get up  early before you, cause I need to go to the gym and I need to go do some stuff. And my work hours are a  lot earlier than yours. And so I get up and I do normal things, dynamic tasks, things, things that make me  responsible for myself wellbeing and for the households wellbeing, what have you. But then I send you a  picture of my marks,  

SafferMaster:  

Right  

Lady Petra:  

So that’s sexualizing, you know, you know what I’m saying? And lately we’ve added picture of my toes  and occasional add a picture of me kind of a fun, sexy type of picture with me right before we’ve even  been face-to-face in the morning.  

SafferMaster:  

Right.  

Lady Petra:  

And then, you know, of course we make time to be affectionate when we greet each other in the  morning, we don’t take that for granted that it just, who we are, you know? So we make sure to do that.  And then throughout the day, we’re both responsible for greetings and for acknowledgement in an  affectionate sexual way with one another,  

SafferMaster:  

right.  

Lady Petra: 

You also have given me tasks to do edging tasks or have explained when you go on your walk and I  prepare myself what you expect me to do to prepare,  

SafferMaster:  

right.  

Lady Petra:  

Uh, that may not be the normal thing we do. It would be additional stuff. Or if you have a specifics on  how you present yourself, you also then know there are times when you’re giving me freedom that you  don’t know what you’re going to come home to. You might come home to me appearing any way, any  which way, which is an excitement for you.  

SafferMaster:  

Sure.  

Lady Petra:  

You know, you going on your walk, knowing I’m getting prepared is sexualizing that time that you’re  away.  

SafferMaster:  

It’s very difficult to have a walk, try to listen to my book knowing that you are home getting prepared ..,  I’m going to get home to a horny slut, presenting herself to be used. It’s hot.  

Lady Petra:  

Yeah.”  

In this back and forth, you can see that my collared slut is all in. She is 100% committed to the dynamic.  She has been trained to present herself, she has been trained to cum with flogging and caning. She is a  trained ass whore. She does as instructed in order to please me sexually. For example, when she kneels  for her flogging, she arches her back and presents her ass and leans into the flogger. She may get 300 or 400 strokes and she is dripping wet with her juices running down her legs having experienced multiple  orgasms, and her ass is red hot after her flogging. Because I like fucking her red-hot ass, she likes having  her ass red hot for me to fuck. She is fully enrolled and registered into her role as my collared submissive  slut and all that that entails.  

Keeping the context sexualized had not only enhanced our relationship, but it has kept our dynamic healthy too. Take this text exchange last week  

Me: I think today would be a good day to wear your clit Jewelry  

LP: Thank you Sir 

Me: And while you are at it, use the Hitachi every 30 minutes on your swollen clit to make yourself cum 

LP: Yes Sir, thank you Sir  

She then sent me a message every 30 minutes to let me know she had completed the task she was  assigned. On occasion I went into the adjacent room to kiss her and fondle her breast while she  masturbated with the Hitachi. By the time I used her later that day , she was a “soupy mess” as she put it.  

Remember, I spent over 30 years in a relationship where there was no broader context to keep the  sexual aspect of our relationship present and alive, and now, I live in a D/s dynamic where the context is  fully sexualized all the time.  

She is a service slut, so part of what fills her cup is to serve. She is fastidious and committed to making  our home beautiful. She supports my cheffy nature by being my sous chef and by keeping the kitchen  clean. All of this “domestic activity” plays into her nature as a service sub and on top of that she is  deeply submissive to me and chooses me to submit to.  

My self-expression as her Dom includes a commitment to keeping the dynamic highly charged with  sexual energy. It is working out perfectly.  

When I look at how I spent the 30 years before I met her as compared to the time since I created this  dynamic with her, it is shocking to consider that this highly charged sexual dynamic was always within  my grasp, and at the same time, just out of reach the whole time. It was really the absence of a willing  partner to make it all come together.  

Today, my view is that sexualizing their dynamic is the most worthwhile step a couple can take to bring their dynamic fully into alignment.  

SafferMaster and Lady Petra offer Kink Relationship Coaching with online, group, and  personal coaching options.  

You can access the coaching services offered by Lady Petra Playground by reaching  out for an initial conversation- LadyPetraPlaground@gmail.com  

The Patreon is also a way to sign up: https://www.patreon.com/LadyPetrasPlayground  Lady Petra and SafferMaster also produce the Kinky cocktail Hour podcast available on  all podcast platforms